Wednesday, December 28, 2005

"He's not a tame lion"... And other highlights...

Tonight Glen and I went to a movie at the theatre for the first time since we saw The Return of the King in the theatre... I was pregnant with Ben at the time... I guess we need to get out more...

Anyways, we saw The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe tonight. It was excellent. I cried at least seven times, but I am pregnant and Becky, so that doesn't really tell you that much. I have no real complaints or issues and recommend it to anyone, whether you have read the books or not. I read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe at a very young age and was deeply impacted by it and so it was important to me that this movie got it right. (Yes, maybe even more important than The Lord of The Rings...) I would say they got it right. The movie stuck VERY closely to the book, and all of my favorite lines and parts were there. (Don't read this next bit if you don't want to know anything about the movie...In particular my favorite parts were when Peter, Susan and Lucy discover Edmund talking alone with Aslan, Father Christmas arriving on the scene, and when Susan and Lucy bury their hands in Aslan's mane and walk him to his meeting with the White Witch. Oh yeah, and I liked the private look Lucy gives Aslan after he announces Edmund can go free... Also, I really liked the music...) I could go on and on, but I think I've probably waxed ecstatic for long enough... I'll just say the whole thing was REALLY well done, and I was completely satisfied. I would like to see it again right now, and to me that is always a sign of a good movie. When you'd like to sneak in to the next showing and start all over again you probably just saw a pretty good show. Also, now I feel the need to re-read all of the books... I can't remember how the professor fits in... (Don't tell me, I'll read the books again and find out.)

Thought you'd like to know what I've been up to...

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas!

I love Christmas! It is even more fun now that Benjamin is here to enjoy it with! (AND Noah...) Glen and I are so blessed to have him in our lives! We LOVE that little guy with every fibre of our beings and it is so fun to have an excuse to do some heavy duty spoiling!

I also love Christmas because of The Reason for the season... a few years back I came across an Amy Grant song that really made Christmas special to me in a whole new way. For a long time I only thought of Christmas as the day a baby was born who LATER did something pretty amazing for me. This song opened my eyes to another part of the miracle of Christmas:

Christmas Lullaby (I Will Lead You Home)

Are you far away from home
This dark and lonely night
Tell me what best would help
To ease your mind
Someone to give
Direction for this unfamiliar road
Or one who says, "Follow me and
I will lead you home."

How beautiful
How precious
The Savior of old
To love so
Completely
The loneliest soul
how gently
how tenderly
He says to one and all,
"Child you can follow Me
And I will lead you home
Trust Me and follow Me
And I will lead you home."

Be near me, Lord Jesus
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me I pray
Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there
Take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there


I love that. It makes me think of all the times I haven't known how to get somewhere and I've followed a friend or a loved one in my car. If you have someone to follow it's so much easier to find a place than if you only have directions or even a map... Especially if the directions are complicated. Sometimes if you make one wrong turn you can end up so far off track it is almost impossible to find your way.

Ever since hearing that song Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning for me. It's a celebration not only of God's birth here on Earth, but of the miracle of having a savior who we can follow to our ultimate destination. He didn't just send us a list of directions or even draw us a map. He came here and He is ready and able to lead us to salvation. He can show us the way to friendship with God! It's a complicated journey, and definately one we can't make on our own, but who better to lead the way than God himself? That's the miracle. HE CAME.

So MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Monday, December 19, 2005

It's A Boy.

That's right people, no girl for Becky. I have had a raging headache since last night. I think the stress of not knowing finally got to me... And then we added the stress of knowing and not being very pleased. Yes. I know all the good reasons to be happy it's a boy. Yes. I know some of you think it's funny. I don't think it's funny though. I need a couple days to adjust. This is why I need to find out in advance. I would hate to be adjusting while the baby is already here. I already feel guilty enough for being upset that I'm not getting my Hannah, when this baby deserves to be anticipated with joy...

I've disabled comments for this post. I don't want any patronizing platitudes, "Now Ben will have a brother!" Duh. "As long as it's healthy!" Double Duh. I'm not a moron. I'll be fine in a day or so. But just for now I am disappointed and nothing any of you can say is going to help, in fact it will probably make it worse. So I am taking my headache back to bed where it belongs. I just thought I should put some of you out of your misery since Glen said you called... Ang you know who you are.

In other news my Christmas present from Glen was Sims Superstar and it totally doesn't work. So now I am really depressed. Not even Sims to sweep me away to another world... Sigh. I know. Life is hard.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Who is really the geek in our family?

Here is a picture of Ben and his handsome (and SINGLE) uncles Dale and Neil. We're all really looking forward to spending LOTS of time with our families. I think Glen is LONGING for some boys nights out with Dale and Neil. He's been talking about hanging out with his brothers a LOT lately. (And I think some Scotty D time might be on his mind as well.) Here is the big question: Am I really nice enough to let him take off till all hours of the night (morning) when I have no girlfriends in Saskatoon to do the same with? (Actually, I don't think I would stay out as late as Glen does even if Heather Epp was in town... Or even in the country... Or even on this continent...) Sigh... I think Glen will be the only one "out on the town" this Christmas. (And by "out on the town," I mean sitting in someone's kitchen playing long and boring strategy board games.) So here is the bigger question: When did I turn into the type of person who has no desire (or even opportunity) to hang out with friends till all hours of the night AND how come I didn't notice it happening until it was too late? Also, when did I become the type of person who wears clothes that in all honesty should qualify me to appear on some show like What Not To Wear? When did it become okay for me to wear tapered "mom" jeans in public?

I've always thought that I was the cool chick that married a nerd and suddenly it is apparent to me that it is possible I might be the geek... It's like I've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

My "Calling"

Last night my little friends Tori and Shae came over to visit Ben and me. Poor girls. Ben wouldn't leave them alone... I gave them some kind of crafty photo frame making sets and they had a pretty hard time keeping them out of Ben's mouth. I think they were pretty grossed out by the sliming job he did on their gifts. Heh heh.

Tori is a student I worked with as a T.A. a few years ago. I loved that job. Too bad subbing pays better, AND too bad that kids like Tori don't come along every day. She is a little sweetie pie and most T.A.'s don't get assigned to sweetie pies. (And subs absolutely NEVER run into sweetie pies, we're to busy dealing with the monster children who think a sub is there to be abused and taken advantage of... but the PAY!)

Sometimes I miss being in schools and sometimes I am so glad to be home. I have such a passion for teaching, it seems so unfair that I have never really had a chance to live my dream. Sigh. Sometimes I feel like my life is SO not what I planned. I feel like I have not reached my full potential as far as my career goes and IT IS SO DEPRESSING. I try not to think about it, but every now and then it sneaks in to the back of my mind and I can't help but feel a teeny bit cheated. I really expected to achieve a lot when I was younger. I thought I was going to be this amazing teacher that changed kids lives... And won awards... And people would write songs about me... And they'd make a movie based on my life... Seriously.

BUT here I am at home with the most precious little angel and I really wouldn't change that. I would hate to leave him to go to work. I love being with him. But every now and then I can hear my teaching dream way down at the bottom of my soul calling me. And I want to cry.

Monday, December 12, 2005

We're Back!

Hi! We're back from our trip to Saskatoon to say goodbye to Glen's Grandpa. We had a good trip, but I've been on the road too much this past week or so... I'm glad to be home.

In other news...

It would seem that I have a VERY active baby growing in me. It's moving all over the place right now as I type. On Saturday it finally kicked hard enought that I could feel it with my hand. So now I have evidence. Right now, it is quite a lovely feeling, but I am getting a bit apprehensive... I hope this baby slows down a bit.

While I was pregnant with Benjamin I had this dream... (Ang told one of hers, so now you have to listen to one of mine.)

I was shopping and Ben was kicking soooooo hard... Eventually I looked down and noticed that there was an unusual lump under my T-shirt. I pulled it up to see what was going on and to my horror discovered he'd managed to kick a foot RIGHT OUT OF MY STOMACH. I had this hole in my skin and this little leg was hanging out, so I gently pushed it back in where it belonged and used some duct tape to patch up the damage. LOL. Can you tell I am my father's daughter? "Just put some duct tape on there and that'll fix it!"

Anyways, at the rate this baby is going I will be needing a roll or two of duct tape to keep things all together... Maybe that would make a good stocking stuffer...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

They Got It Right!

I think this quiz may actually be on to something here...

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!
by Mark Twain


With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.

Take the Book Quiz
at the
Blue Pyramid.

It's true! I really DO like straw hats!

Some Idle Chatter

Benjamin and I got back from our weekend trip to Regina yesterday. We stayed with my friend Angela and her husband Todd. I love seeing her. I think I overwhelm her a bit with my enthusiasm for her though, I just can't seem to stop myself! As soon as I am with her, I want her to be updated on everything in my life. If you think I talk too much you should see me when I haven't seen someone for a while. Especially if it's someone who used to know every tiny detail of my life, including many things that even Glen doesn't know to this day... Poor Ang, she puts up with a lot.

Anyways... She is such a terrific hostess. She took such good care of Benjamin and me AND our family. My "Aunty" Carolyn (who is younger than me and thinner so it feels weird to call her Aunty, so I don't, unless I'm teasing her) was visiting Regina from Vancouver Island with her sweet little son Ethan. Ethan is about the same age as Ben, but that is where ALL similarities end. They were so funny together. Ben just seemed so confused by Ethan's energy and methods of play. I could see his little brain trying to figure out "What is up with this guy?" while Ethan kicked all of Ben's nicely lined up cars all over the living room. Eventually Ben got into the hang of things and the two of them managed to thouroughly embarass all of us at Moxie's. (I was SURE we were going to get kicked out when they started bouncing on the benches and screaming at the top of their lungs.) It was a good time. Mom and Dad and Angie came too so their was a big crowd of us in Angela's very welcoming home. (She is such a good sport.)

Anyways... We are off to Saskatoon tomorrow. Back on the road. Sigh. Glen's grandpa went home to Jesus on Saturday morning, so we are driving in to go to the funeral. Poor Benjamin is going to be subjected to another trip. I feel bad for the poor little guy, he was so happy to get home. At least this trip he will mostly be with people he knows AND we will have his Daddy along. That will make a big difference I'm sure. I just hope we can convince him that he doesn't need to sleep in bed with me again. It's amazing how someone so little can take up so much space in a bed.


Anyways... That's an update on what's going on here. No deep theological thoughts or anything even remotely resembling that. The deepest I can go today is to say how much I love my friend Ang and how much I love my fabulous family. It's so great to be with the people you love most in the world and it's even greater when you can get a whole bunch of them together in one room.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I'm Getting There

Well, the "guest"room has been sanded and primed... The ceiling and the closet are ALL DONE! Now I can FINALLY put some color on the wall. (The good part.) I actually LOVE painting, it's all of the prep work that comes first that I hate. This house has required more prep work than any of you can even imagine. (Ask my family.) I have never seen a place so banged up. Add that to the smoke stains of a chain smoker from the past... I don't know... 100 years?

Anyways, I'm off to paint for as long as the little monster naps... Which hasn't been very long lately, he's teething, it's BRUTAL. It seems like the moment I get all set up to paint he wakes up screaming from a ridiculously short nap. I've tried wearing him out wrestling with him, chasing him, taking him swimming. Nothing is working. It sucks. All I can think about is, "What the hoink am I gonna do when the new baby gets here?"

Monday, November 28, 2005

Glen's Grandpa Bargen

Glen's Grandpa is almost 103 years old... he is such a sweetheart. (That's him with Benjamin, in case you were wondering who the baby is.) Last night he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. Please pray for him and for Glen and his family.

Blah

Yes, this is our LOVELY guest room. Sigh. Wouldn't you love to come and stay? It actually looks worse in person. This is a picture of the NICE walls. I bought the paint for it around a month ago... I just can't seem to get motivated. It's SO depressing. You should see the ceiling. How did these people manage to bang up the ceiling I ask you? There is a hole in EVERY SQUARE INCH of that room! I finally managed to finish patching the walls this afternoon, with Benjamin's help, now I just have to sand the WHOLE STINKIN' ROOM. Blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blahitty blah blah blah. Blah. I guess I'd better go do some sanding. Blah.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

My Nephew Noah

Just TRY and tell me this isn't the MOST adorable baby in the history of the world! TRY IT. I dare you. I miss him so STINKIN' much... it's KILLING me to have to wait for Christmas! AND he's a wonderkid. He's nine months old and he's WALKING! He's cute AND talented!

NEWSFLASH! Noah has a blog! I just found out! Weeee! Check it out!
noahbraun.blogspot.com

The Ocean Has a Shore

Sigh, once again I have to credit this post to something I read on Marc's blog. Here's part of Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest that addressed some things that I've been thinking about...

Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God —1 Corinthians 10:31

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound. We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow.

To be shallow is not a sign of being sinful, nor is shallowness an indication that there is no depth to your life at all— the ocean has a shore. Even the shallow things of life, such as eating and drinking, walking and talking, are ordained by God. These are all things our Lord did. He did them as the Son of God, and He said, "A disciple is not above his teacher . . ." ( Matthew 10:24 ).

Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.


Just this morning I was reading through some blogs and comparing them to mine, never a good idea, and I was thinking how shallow I must look compared to a lot of deep theologians out there. My blog is a fairly accurate reflection of my thoughts, and I was feeling pretty down on myself for not having very many deep ones... Actually, it would be more accurate to say that this morning I was feeling just plain stupid compared to a lot of people out there in the blogging world. Some times I don't even "get" what they're saying. Sometimes, I have to confess, when I see a theological post I don't even read it. I don't want to make my brain focus enough to understand what they are trying to say.

It just seems like my brain is tied up with so many surface matters that I never "go deeper." That doesn't mean I don't think about spiritual things... It just seems like I'm still struggling to comprehend so many things that seem so simple and straight forward to other people. In bible college I remember leaving classes with my brain hurting, literally. I never push my thoughts so far that my brain hurts anymore... Well almost never.

I think about things like: how pretty the snow is, how cute Ben looks talking at the window to the world outside, am I having a boy or a girl, what am I gonna get my parents for Christmas, whether or not to return a shirt I don't really NEED but really like so I can have some extra cash for Christmas presents, am I having a boy or a girl, how excited I am for Mikey to come home at Christmas, how excited I am to see Jonathan and his completely lovable family, am I having a boy or a girl, should I get Benjamin the flu shot? See what I mean? I'm not pondering the deep things of God that often... I'm usually safely near the shore splashing in the shallows. It's so fun, but am I missing out by not scuba diving down to see the mysterious world far beneath the surface? (OR do I just think I should go deeper so I look smart for other people?)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Some Early Christmas Shopping

We got to do some early Christmas shopping tonight! Weeeeee! Samaritan's Purse sent out a Christmas Gift catalogue with a difference... Here are just some of the many things available for bargain prices:

Rescue a Child from Bondage & Abuse
Forgotten by most of the world, millions of children struggle to survive under the most desperate circumstances imaginable. The victims of human traffickers, they are forced into virtual slavery as child soldiers, sweatshop labourers, or worse. From Africa to Southeast Asia to Latin America, Samaritan’s Purse sponsors many Christ-centred programs to protect, rescue, and rehabilitate children from a life of bondage and abuse. Your gift helps one of these children find a safe haven where they can begin life anew and find true freedom in the Gospel.
Suggested Gift: $50.00

OR

Help A Family Survive Disaster
Survivors of the tsunami in Sri Lanka or the genocidal war in Darfur take nothing for granted. In the struggles of the day, they welcome a small stove, cooking pots, a water bucket, and even soap. On a cold, dark night, they are grateful for warm blankets and a lantern. For $65, Samaritan’s Purse can assemble items like these into a kit to help a family devastated by conflict or disaster. As they start life anew, we can help them find hope for tomorrow in the Lord’s unfailing love. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1, NIV).
Suggested Gift: $65.00

OR YOU COULD EVEN

Feed A Hungry Baby For A Week
Few things are as heart-wrenching as the cry of a hungry baby. Sadly, it's a familiar sound in famine-stricken communities in countries like Niger, Nicaragua, and Bosnia, where starving infants cry themselves to sleep. Worse yet, their poor diet causes severe health problems such as bone deformities and stunted growth. God says, “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13, NIV). That compassion is put into action through feeding projects that care for the physical needs of babies and the spiritual needs of their families.
Suggested Gift: $14

Isn't that AMAZING? There are gifts that range anywhere from $5.00 to $30000.00! (For all you big spenders!) You can buy anything from soccer balls to whole church buildings for people out there who have next to nothing! Weeeee! If you'd like to browse the full catalogue check out:
www.samaritanspurse.ca

I love the idea of being able to pick exactly where I would like my money to go... I guess the only problem we ran into was trying to pick which "item(s)" to purchase... What a great opportunity to do some Christmas shopping and share the light and love of Jesus Christ with people whose lives are filled with darkness and despair. Merry Christmas!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Some Shameless Advertising

I only mentioned this once in passing... So I feel like it's okay to remind all of you that Benjamin has a blog.


My psychotic sister has also started a blog...
... So if you are in the mood for the ramblings of a lunatic her blog is the place for you. (She has also started a blog for her cats, but I honestly don't remember the address for that one... I'm sure she'll come on here and tell all of us.)

My dad is working on starting one too... He hasn't picked a permanent address yet, but I will let you know when he does.

I'm such a trendsetter!

Learning My Lesson

Imagine your child comes to you and says, "Dad, I screwed up. I did something really dumb. It's all my fault and the only way out of this is if you help me. I need you to fix it Dad. I can't do it myself." I think I would want to help.

But wait.

Now imagine your child comes to you saying all of the same stuff on COUNTLESS occasions, and every time it's because they were careless or stupid. Should you help them? Aren't you just enabling them if you do? Shouldn't you be teaching them to stand on their own two feet instead of constantly running to you every time they mess up? Because you can't always be there to bail them out. You can't fix everything, right?

This is what's puzzling me... I have a heavenly father who doesn't seem to be following the rules of good parenting. I have gone to Him on COUNTLESS occasions saying the same thing... Over and over... Here are a few that stand out in my mind:

  1. During my "Christian Life" final in bible college: This was supposed to be the easiest of all exams... I barely read over my notes, which is more than most of my classmates did. Seriously... people were CRYING during the exam. And I prayed... "God... I should have studied! I know! I screwed up! Even though I know I don't deserve your help, PLEASE HELP ME REMEMBER WHAT I READ!" And He did... the answers literally popped into my brain... I scored 110%.
  2. When I idiotically slacked off on one of my last required university courses: Right before the final exam I suddenly realized that my procrastination had finally caught up with me. Unless I scored a 90% on the exam, impossible, I would fail the course and I would not get my degree that year. This time I prayed something like... "Why do I keep doing this to myself? How could I do this? Please help me... Except maybe you shouldn't, I need to learn my lesson." Do you know what happened? The prof inexplicably cancelled out all the late penalties on a paper I handed in WAY too late and suddenly I only needed to score a 30% on the final exam. I didn't get taught a lesson after all.
  3. When I erased ALL of Ben's baby photos off of our computer before checking that the disc I'd burned ACTUALLY WORKED... Which, of course, it didn't: This prayer went more like this, "Oh God! I'm so stupid! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Oh... why am I so stupid? PLEASE! Oh God! PLEASE!" After trying to load the disc AT LEAST 50 times... it suddenly, and again inexplicably, started working.
  4. When I lost my wallet with all of our credit cards and money in it while staying in Saskatoon last Christmas: Anyone who knows me well knows that I rarely carry a purse and often leave my wallet in dumb places like the yarn section at Walmart, or recently, in the garbage at McDonald's. In this instance I prayed... "Please help us find my wallet God. I know I never take care of my stuff and this is the result of me being stupid AGAIN, but PLEASE if you could just help us find it..." The next evening some lady called who had found our wallet lying in the middle of the road in front of my sister's house.
  5. When I deleted my blog: Enough said.

The thing that ties all of these occasions together in my mind is that if there was ever an idiot who deserved exactly what they got that person is me. On all of those occasions I was faced with the reality of my incompetence and my helplessness. On all of those occasions I knew God could work a miracle and I begged him for one, but I also knew if He didn't help me I was only getting what was coming to me... the consequences of my careless, thoughtless stupidity. Every time I came to Him feeling like He must be up there thinking, "Good Grief! AGAIN? This child is so hopeless. When is she ever going to learn?"

Wordly wisdom tells me that God is enabling me to be careless. Instead of letting me live with the consequences of my actions, He's bailing me out... Over and over. Worldly wisdom tells me that a smarter parenting technique would be to let me experience the consequences of my actions... so I LEARN MY LESSON.

So what's God doing? Why does He keep bailing me out? What's the point? Maybe there isn't one... or MAYBE God IS trying to teach me a lesson. Maybe the lesson isn't how to stand on my own to feet though. Maybe He's trying to teach me to depend on Him and not my own competence, because unlike my earthly father, He will always be there to bail me out if I need it. He can fix everything that needs fixing. I know this doesn't mean I have a limitless "get out of jail free" card, I know God won't fix everything so my life runs perfectly...

I'm starting to think I've been missing the point. I've been feeling like an idiot when I have to depend on God and that I'm bothering Him when I come for help, but I'm starting to think maybe He's finally got me just where He wants me... a dependent... for life... like one of those kids who never leaves home.

Now, if only I could remember to check with Him BEFORE I screw up...

In other news...

Last night was the first time I felt the baby move... Well, actually I've been feeling stuff for a while now, but last night was the first time I was completely 100% sure it was the baby and not some muscle spasm or something. Thought you'd all like to know!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Girls' Night Out

Last night some friends and I rode in a limo to the big city of Regina to see the musical Chicago. It was fabulous. We've been saving our money and plotting every detail for a LONG time now, so the anticipation was pretty high last night when we FINALLY made it into the limo. You know how it is when you anticipate something for so long that when you are finally in that moment it is a big let-down? That's what my grad was, ONE HUGE LET-DOWN. Last night wasn't like that. It was even better than I was anticipating...

The limo ride was fabulous. (Aside from the part where the driver hit on Donna... Actually, that part was pretty funny, so I'll say: Aside from the part where the limo driver asked us for some of our food... Actually, that was pretty funny too...) The two hour drive felt like it took half an hour. Tammy brought champagne for toasts. We had snacks. We got dropped off right at the door and best of all picked up right after the show. (Which meant no long walk to a cold car to be stuck in the parking lot for half an hour...) I think I need to always travel by limo.

We had a lovely supper with lots of laughs and stories I cannot repeat here because my dad reads this blog. I love, love, love girls nights out!

The show was excellent. I love musicals. Any musicals. The only downer was that I definitely need to get myself some glasses. By intermission my eyes were watering and bloodshot from straining to see... I think I'm getting old. (Okay, I know I'm getting old.)

But, my absolute favorite moment happened when we first arrived at the theatre. Before I get too far into this story I need to share one of the emails that was sent out during the plotting stage of our trip... From a person who we'll just call... "Donna".

so I am at my brother in laws..
and he happens to have a copy of the Regina Leader Post...
and I'm flipping along..
and I tune in to the 'entertainment' section..
and I see an ad for "Chicago"
ahem.
WHY did no one tell me that TOM WOPAT is the leading man?
hello?
Am I not the girl that used to watch him on Dukes of Hazard when I was 11?
Was it I that stood up and said that "Luke Duke" was so much cuter than Bo?
hello?
yes!
It was I!!!!!!!!!

Do not be surprised if the show stops because he spots me.
granted...
he looks much older..
and grayer..
and perhaps wider..
but it is still him.

ahhhhhhhhhh
I need a cold shower

Anywho. Back to the story. When we arrived we proceeded directly to the souvenir table. As we were looking at and discussing the merits of the t-shirts and hats this singing salesman behind the table says to us, "I'm not selling any of that stuff, I'm selling these CD's." (Or something like that, it's all a bit hazy.) "Donna" turns to the guy with, I can only assume, some snappy comment and cries out, "You're Tom!" There is a moment of mutual astonishment and then somehow Tom has his hands on "Donna's" face and they are gazing into each other's eyes. (Tom's look had a bit of fear in it... But only a little.) All of us then proceed to tell Tom how "Donna" has been looking forward to his performance... And how she talks about him in her emails... And, really it is a bit blurry... The next thing I remember is Tom remarking, "That's the biggest houndstooth I've ever seen!" and then we're walking away and Tom is blowing a kiss to "Donna" and we are killing ourselves laughing and... What a moment. I'm still laughing. Isn't it just fabulous how life works out sometimes? My only regret is that I didn't have my camera on me to capture the moment for all time. It will have to live on in our hearts... And Tom's...

Anyways. That was my night out. Mostly. At least the "rated G" bits of it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Another Shantelle Update...

Here is another email from Shirley... please remember to pray for Shantelle and her family.

Hi everyone.
Sorry that I haven't sent an update sooner than this. Thanks for praying, and for being concerned. Shantelle had 2 tumours removed from her brain on monday. She made it through the surgery, and the Doc's were able to get it all (PTL!!) They had to remove some extra tissue in her brain to ensure that they got it all, and they were concerned about changes in her personality because of this. But so far it seems that she is completely her normal wonderful self. That is good news. The doctor reminded the family yesterday that this is one of the most deadly forms of cancer that you can get, and she is not out of the woods yet. They have moved her to a different hospital and she is waiting treatment (Chemo/Radiation).

She now has a blog/website up and running for daily updates. Feel free to check in on it if you would like. http://www.prairierascal.piczo.com Thanks friends for being my prayer partners in this !! I appreciate you all.

Love, Shirley

As for me... Today I accidently threw my wallet in the garbage at the Walmart McDonald's. Don't tell Glen.

In other news... Tonight I am off for a wild night in Regina with some hussy friends of mine to see Chicago. We're going in a LIMO! It's my first time! I'm so excited! I even got a new outfit for the occasion. I know! Will wonders never cease?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

My blog is back! ALL OF IT! (All except for the posts I wrote while it was gone... I need some time to figure out how to put them back up with all the lunatic comments from Trav and Shirley... Wackos.) CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? (For those of you who haven't been around for the last little while, I accidentally deleted my entire blog... the previous 5 posts were all written while I thought I'd lost everything I'd ever written... it all seemed so hopeless... sigh.)

I have a new hero. His/her name is Robin from blogger support and I LOVE THEM! When all of this happened I, of course, wrote the support staff a pathetic email PLEADING for help. I thought it was hopeless. I prayed one of my desperate prayers... More about that later... and then I cried because I was sure there was no hope. But today I received an email from Robin (my hero) and this is what it said... "Hi Becky, I was able to restore that blog to your account, so you should see it the next time you log in." Then it said some other stuff that was interesting to me, but wouldn't be to you... Anyways... If you are considering getting a blog somewhere... HERE IS A GOOD PLACE! It's free and the support team is obviously... FANTASTIC! Not counting the long weekend, I got a personal response, AND was RESCUED, only FOUR, count them, FOUR days after I deleted my blog... And I did that at 11pm so the first day doesn't really count cause it was almost over... So that's only THREE days... And I got the email from Robin this morning, so today doesn't really count either, so that's only TWO days... And actually they sent out an email asking for clarification the very first day so that day doesn't count either... So that's ONE DAY! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? Oh, Robin, whoever you are... You're just the GREATEST! (Can you tell I'm excited?)

Anyways... I said I would say more later about my desperate prayer... And I will... But right now I need to go call my dad and tell him the good news! YEEEEEEEEEE!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I've slept on it.

And I've decided I agree with myself last night. I think I will not blog here anymore... I think I need to start fresh. Glen's gonna make me a new website. Till then you can still see cute photos of Ben at bentron.blogspot.com.

Here are the comments that Trav and Shirley left for this post...
trav said...
beck... you're throwing off my blogging.... i don't know if i can handle this change.... i want a sandwich!!!
12:32 PM
Shirley said...
Now I'm grumpy.
7:09 PM
trav said...
lol shirley... me too
8:41 PM
trav said...
i still check this blog everyday hoping that there will by some slim chance be something new... but it has yet to happen.... **sob**
10:15 PM
Shirley said...
Ya...me to. Sad isn't it? I think we're obsessed. Somehow it's a comfort to know that I am not the only one stalking Becky with eager anticipation. Maybe you and I could keep this blog alive, whether Becky likes it or not. Haa Haaa Whaaa haaaa haaa. (attempt at evil laugh)
2:48 PM
trav said...
lol... i'm down with that...
beck... your blog will never die muahahaha
3:31 PM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Stinkin' Stink

I don't know if I have the motivation to start all over. This is so depressing to me. I don't even know how to explain it. I don't think I can start all over... I can't face this huge empty space for a while at least... I hate computers. Or at least, I hate me on the computer. I think I should stick to a pen and paper journal... There are no delete buttons.

Seriously...

I hate computers.

Seriously... Is this really happening?

Did I really delete my whole blog? Did I really delete all that stuff that meant so much to me? Can it really be that I can NEVER go back and read my first post again? Can I really never look back and see all my work... all those posts and pictures and comments from all of you. OH! The anguish. I can't believe this is real. Even my template is gone... all that work to make my blog look pretty... all my links... all those settings that I finally had working just right. WHY OH WHY can't someone invent a time travel machine?

I can't believe I just did that.

Gone. It's all gone. Everything I wrote. Everything you wrote. All gone. With the push of one stupid button. Sometimes I'm so stupid I amaze even myself. I think I'll go vomit now.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

Today Benjamin and I got up to beautiful snow! I love snow. I don't love -35 snow blowing in my face, but I adore big soft fluffy snowflakes floating down and sticking to everything! It makes everything look so PRETTY! Aside from a lovely fall day, a day like today is my very favorite sort of weather! Ben had a little trouble walking in it this morning, I had to clear paths for him or he'd cry...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Everything happens for a reason?

Okay, prepare yourselves... this one might get a little long... I've been mulling some things over lately. I've been troubled a bit by the way life seems to screw people over sometimes. (There's Shirley's friend Shauntelle, there's my friend Janie... I'm sure you could add your own people and stories to this list.) I also watch way too much Oprah. I'm the first to admit it, but sometimes her shows really help to hit me in the face with reality. Not my, normal, boring, Yorkton reality, but the reality of evil in this world. The reality of bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people... And I am left with this huge echoing question... "WHY GOD?" Why is there so much sadness and hurt? Why don't you step in and just do SOMETHING? Why can't you just reach down and fix it all?

Recently, I read about this story online. Pastor Kyle Lake was electrocuted during a baptismal service on October 30th while adjusting a microphone. He was just 33, and he left behind his wife and their three children. It just seemed so pointless to me... I mean, if God can perform miracles then why couldn't he have saved this man's life? I ran accross some excerpts from a book he wrote, Understanding God's Will, and what he wrote made me feel a bit more clear... I'm not saying everything makes sense to me now, or I'll never question God's will again, but I think I might be on the way to understanding...

Here are some of the things that Kyle Lake wrote that touched my heart... I know this looks really long, but if you've got the time, it's worth the read. (I've highlighted a few parts that really stuck out to me...)

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 NRSV

There is perhaps no more redemptive verse in all of Scripture than Romans 8:28. For when our lives have come unraveled, this is the passage to embrace. And, unfortunately, this is also the passage that's done quite a bit of damage through the years when referenced by well-intending individuals who chose to quote it at the most inopportune times. For instance, imagine how this verse sounds when quoted to someone who's just experienced the unexpected death of a family member or close friend. Or when a husband and father of four has just lost his job with very little in savings and zero alternatives. Or when a 15-year-old girl has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

There are, in fact, times in life when Romans 8:28 can evoke animosity rather than hope for the future, because some Bible translations present the passage from a different angle. The New American Standard translates Romans 8:28 in this way: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (emphasis mine). In other words, the passage has a different feel because, in the verse, God has been placed before "all things," rather than "all things" being placed before God.

Naturally, people who have found themselves in a place of crisis won't need any help attributing their current predicament to God. They'll be more prone to hearing the passage read, "And we know that God causes all things" and stop there. Immediately, their anger will be stirred, because God is the one who's just taken the life of their family member or fired them from a job or placed a tumor in their brain.

In fact, one of the more popular translations of Romans 8:28 could easily be equated with folklore. "Folklore," or "folk theology," is a term a friend of mine uses to describe an age-old phrase that many people say all the time but no one knows from where it came. He says there are all sorts of phrasings and anecdotes people use today in casual conversation that, for them, function as scripture even though they're not actually found in the Bible. Tragically enough, they've just been assumed. The particular folklore reading of Romans 8:28 might then be, "Everything happens for a reason."

But did you know that "everything happens for a reason" isn't a Scripture verse? It's not a proverb or a psalm, and it's not an admonition from Ecclesiastes. And in this respect, it can take on even more authority than Scripture itself precisely because it's found on the lips of people inside and outside the Church. It's global, and yet it's not actually written down anywhere, alleviating it from actually being examined. It's practically assumed by all as unwavering truth - that is, until you find yourself trying to make sense of unspeakable tragedy or until you begin applying this "creed" to every detail of your life. So, unemployed fathers of four and cancerous fifteen-year-old girls, "everything happens for a reason," so try to figure it out.

A further look at Romans 8:28 might render a different translation, though. First, let's back up and look at the bigger picture of where Paul has been headed in chapter 8. In most translations, this specific verse falls within a section of verses beginning in verse 18. "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18 NRSV). The subject matter Paul is dealing with here is that of "sufferings," times of despair all of us encounter at some time or another. It's almost as if you can hear the question being posed, "So what do we make of all the times in our lives when we encounter suffering, tragedy, and despair? What do we make of distresses, losses, or failures that overtake our lives, often times unexpectedly?"


Then, in verses 26 and 27, a beautiful passage is offered that communicates the Spirit's action during these times. The Message recounts these verses in this way: "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God" (Romans 8:26-27).

It's in this context of suffering, then, that verse 28 is found. Again, there are some differences among translations about which phrase comes first in the sentence—"God" or "all things." But whatever the case, I think the intended meaning remains the same. It's important that we take the entire verse in view. To stop short of the last word would create an entirely different message. We can't stop at "God causes all things." Nor can we stop at "all things work together for good."

There are many, many intelligent people who firmly believe that God does in fact cause all things to happen in today's world, even tragic situations. And they haven't come to this conclusion flippantly. Many believe this to be true after diligent study of the Scriptures. However, that is not my belief. I believe tragedy, chaos, and disease are natural consequences of the Fall when humankind was given freedom of choice. Yet, no matter who you are or where your theology stands, all people who strive to thoughtfully deal with God and life are forced to live within the tension of God's providence and a chaotic world.

Still, no matter where you stand on the issue, Romans 8:28 still proves to be a redemptive passage: "We know that all things work together for good Â… " After reading the passage, a few pivotal questions to ask would be:
What are "all things"?
What kind of "good" is Paul talking about?
Who is this "good" being created for?

What are "all things"? Again, does this statement mean that God is currently causing all things that happen in the world? No. Within the context of chapter 8, Paul is referring to all of our experiences of suffering, disappointment, loss, and failure in this world. In other words, we live in a fallen world where poor, unethical, impaired decisions are made. We live in a world where no one is exempt from illness and disease. BUT, in all these things, God can create good out of disaster.

So, what is this "good"? Does this mean that if I consistently pray, God will automatically alleviate disaster, heal disease, and create tranquility around me? No, although that could very well happen. God's definition of "good" is often different than ours. Previously in Romans, Paul states, "And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given us" (Romans 5:3-5 NRSV).

"Good" does not always mean "good" by our standards. Instead, "good" by God's standards has to do with the continual process of becoming a learner of Christ where our lives are being formed into people of humility, compassion, self-control, respect, patience, contentment, etc. It has to do with learning the very best way to live. If we open our eyes and our hearts during the most difficult times in our lives, then even in those times, God can bring about some of the most beautiful things within and around us.

And for whom is this "good" being created? Does the "good" just happen on its own? It explicitly takes place "for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." In other words, this "good" happens within those who have clearly and intentionally set their lives on the path toward becoming a whole-life learner of Jesus. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it doesn't just happen. Life transformation isn't an accident. It's a deliberate attempt by those who love God to allow every experience into the interior of their lives, and in the process, hopefully, see God's redemptive activity: friendships restored, renewed reliance on God, an awakening to the beauty of life, clarity of purpose, renewed compassion for others Â…

So in light of chapter 8, I would interpret Romans 8:28 as saying this: "Disappointment, failure, and suffering are simply facts of life. But for those who are actively following God, He can turn disappointment and tragedy into new life."

Copyright © 2004 Kyle Lake, Understanding God's Will: How to Hack the Equation Without Formulas (Relevant, 2004)

Now, if I can just remember some of this stuff the next time I want to shout to the heavens, "What's going on up there? Don't you see what's happening? Don't you care what's going on down here? We could use a little help!" My problem is that I'm a control freak, and I want everything to work out my way. It's a good thing it doesn't though, I mess things up all the time. I need to remember that there is someone who loves me in charge, and He cares when I hurt and even if He doesn't take away all the bad stuff in my life, He's ready to stand right there beside me and help me get through it.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Update on Shantelle

Here is another email I got from Shirley. It turns out Glen knows Shantelle from his College and Career days at Forest Grove... Such a small world.

Thank you everyone for praying. We went to the hospital yesterday with little hope, but another day is here and Shantelle is hanging on. The doctors have found 2 large tumors in her brain. They believe that one of these tumors is the source, or starting point of the cancer. The hope now is that Shantelle will hold on long enough to remove these tumors. She is scheduled for brain surgery on Monday. They believe that if they can remove these tumors in her brain, they can kill off the several that are on her spine through radiation and chemo. So that is hopefull. The tumors in her brain have caused a blood vessle to burst which is affecting her vision and her speech. So please keep praying, she is definately not out of the woods yet.

We only got to see Shantelle for maybe 20 seconds, but we were able to see her husband Joe, her extended family, and friends from the Moose Jaw Church. We spent time talking and praying together. Thanks for your prayers. It is hard to see someone you love, and someone so young (30) going through this. But God is in control!

Amen, Shirley. We're praying with you!

I don't get it... (No Patsy* jokes please.)

Okay, Scotty D tagged me. I wouldn't have done this if it wasn't an excellent opportunity to rant a bit. I'm supposed to tell you the five things people around me do that I don't get.

1) I don't get Smoking: (Especially smoking with Asthma.) I know it's addictive, I know it's hard to quit, I know you'll probably gain some weight, I know everyone dies eventually, but why wouldn't you want to prevent cancer or emphysema if you could? It just really makes no sense to me. Also it makes things smell gross. Also you have to go outside in the cold of winter to do it. I'm pretty sure if the only way I could eat chips was to go outside in -30 I would finally be able to ditch my chip problem.

2) I don't get Minivans: They're ugly and irritating and they seem to make the people who are driving them dumber. I know they are easier with kids and they're cheap, but so are stained sweatpants and do-it-yourself haircuts. To me minivans scream to the world, "I give up!" (I know a station wagon isn't much better... but it's still not a minivan.)

3) I don't get People Who Don't Signal: Just plain irritating and often dangerous. How hard is it? Once you get in the habit you don't even have to think about it. I have serious road rage and nothing irritates me more than careless drivers. (Also, it seems like people in gigantic trucks seem to be the worse culprits... and they're the ones who will crush you if you are in their way... how are you supposed to get out of their way if they don't signal? How I ask you?)

4) I don't get Going for Coffee: Why do people do this? I don't drink coffee and I hate being asked to "go for coffee." It makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I've turned into one of those old people in Martensville Family Restaurant who sit there all day glaring at teenagers. Why can't people just get together without the coffee? What's so great about coffee anyways?

5) I don't get Forwards: I don't get why people keep sending me email forwards with cute little poems or stories, that tell me if I love my friends, or if I don't want really bad luck I have to keep the message going. I hate those things. I never read them. I get all excited that I have an email from a friend and then it is not even from them. It's just a generic, usually cheesy, chain letter. There must be a reason people send them. I get TONS and TONS of them all the time. WHY PEOPLE? WHY?

There you have it. I want to know what Shirley, Trav, and my dad don't get. Shirley, because I know sometimes she doesn't know what to write about. Trav, because he almost never writes. Dad, because it will be funny. (Dad doesn't have a blog, even though he should, but he can just leave his on the comments section of this post.)



*For those of you who don't get the Patsy part of the title... In a musical a few years ago I played a dumb blonde whose most memorable lines were, "I don't get it," and "Can I go to the bathroom?" (Not my proudest moment... speaking of musicals... Why do people in Yorkton line up for EVERYTHING at least 2 hours in advance? Even the doctor's office? WHY?)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Urgent Prayer Request

I got this email from my pastor's wife, Shirley, this morning and I thought I would share it with all of my online friends... I hope that's okay with you Shirley...

Hi everyone. On Sunday Harv and I came home from church to an email regarding a close friends of ours from Moose Jaw. Joe and Shantelle are the pastor couple of the church plant we helped with while we attended Caronport. We became very close with them, and spent a lot of time together. Shantelle had been experiencing back pain for the last 2 weeks. When they did a CT scan on Friday to investigate they found multiple tumours on her spine. They did emergency surgery on Saturday night. We found out last night that the tumour had regrown to pre-surgury size and that they found one in her brain now as well. The doctors are saying that she may not make it through the day. If she does lives until noon, they may try another surgury option, but it does not look good. Harv and I are heading down to Regina to be with Joe and friends from the Moose Jaw church today. I don't know if we will even get to see Shantelle. This feels devastating to us personally, and to the church plant as well. Please pray. Pray for Joe who is absolutely devastated, and for their 8 year old daughter Mikayla. I will update you when I can.


I'll update you all when Shirley updates me... Let's all keep this family in our hearts and our prayers.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Tricks and Treats

Here is our little bumble Ben... I wish I had a good picture of him from the side... his costume was stuffed and he was nice and round. SO cute! Glen and I really enjoyed ourselves... Glen said it was his best Halloween ever, can you blame him though? This was his very first time trick-or-treating. (Actaully, it might have been my favorite too, and I've done plenty of trick-or-treating.) We looked like complete lunatics with our digital camera and video camera documenting every precious moment. Ben of course had no clue what was going on. He was just happy to be outside and allowed to walk right up the driveways to people's houses. He seemed to think that he should go right into each house when the doors were opened.

Our neighborhood has lots of older people who seemed to really be enjoying all the little ones at their doors. Our neighborhood ALSO has lots of older people who go completely over the top when it comes to the candy they hand out. I thought our chocolate bars and Chiclets were plenty generous, but I think we probably looked pretty cheap compared to the rest of our neighbors. At Ben's first stop he got THREE bags of chips and TWO chocolate bars... it sure didn't take very many houses before he had way too much junk...

Here's a funny, and TRUE, story from the night: We stopped for a bit at my friend Staci's house to show off Ben and, while we were visiting, a group of kids arrived with a lady "supervising" them. My friend's husband Andy put a bag of chips, a chocolate bar, and some gum in each bag. (They live in our outrageous-over-the-top neighborhood, and are apparently fitting in better than we are.) The kids started walking away and the lady (40ish and not dressed up) holds out her hand and says, "I'll just have some chips." Can you believe that? Can you? Andy said, "I don't think so" and shut the door. Lol. I can STILL hardly believe it happened.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Set Apart

Once again Marc's site got me thinking... I read an interesting post about alchohol consumption among Christians. The comment section stirred up some things in my mind that I have been pondering lately. Here are some of the things that caught my attention:

Paula said: If I went into a bar and saw Christian X drinking and Unbeliever Y drinking, how am I (or anyone) suppose to tell who the Christian is? Every aspect of our life needs to be set apart so we can be an example to non-believers...

Dixie said: Let's take this back to what Jesus would do. Would Jesus go into a bar? Would Jesus associate with people who were drinking at the risk of looking like one of them? Would Jesus share a glass of wine with his disciples to teach them about remembering his blood soon to be spilled? In fact, isn't this what got Jesus into so much trouble with the Pharisees? He didn't "look" or "do" the things he was "expected" to do. He didn't sit in judgment of the people that the Pharisees judged. He judged the Pharisees for judging others. I know you're not doing this Paula, but we have to watch that when we say we need to be "set apart" that we don't mean "higher or better than" others. Sometimes it's the attitude "I would NEVER drink -- I would never do such a thing" that is sinful, rather than the drinking itself.

Anyways... My thoughts haven't been stuck on drinking actually... they've been stuck on clothing... and being "set apart"... and what is it that REALLY sets apart a Christian?

I recently had a conversation with a friend about some Christian youth we both know. These youth dress in a sort of "goth" style. One of them has even chosen to pierce her ears in a sorta African style that means the hole for her earings are the sizes of dimes. Her parents don't like it, but haven't forbidden it. The question is: Is her personal style rebellious? Does it show a conformity to the world around her? Another youth dresses in the same sort of style and may not have been accepted as a bible camp worker because of the way he dresses. Are his clothes a reflection of his heart? Did the camp have a responsibility to shelter its campers from this sort of influence?

The fact is neither of these kids fit into the stereotype of what a Christian looks like... physically. But you know what? I say good for them. I grew up as a non-Christian. I had a very clear idea of what a "set apart" Christian should look like and I wanted no part of it. Do you know what most non-believers think Christians look like? Prissy, know-it-all, judgers just waiting to squash all the fun out of life... wearing sweater sets or suits and smug, self-righteous expressions that say, "You're not good enough."

Now I know that all Christians don't fit into that mold. Lots don't. In fact I've learned that appearances can be incredibly deceiving. (Some of those who look the meanist can have the most tender hearts.) But at the time I had been hurt very badly by people who fit perfectly into that mold. They were set apart all right. They were so set apart I knew I would never be good enough to be one of them... and I'm not... and neither is any Christian. That's the whole point. That's why Jesus had to die for us. None of us are good enough, no matter what we're wearing.

If I had been approached by a prissy, little-miss-perfect going on about God's love at that time in my life I wouldn't have listened. I would have looked into her face and seen judgement, even if it wasn't there. If I had been approached by some weirdo with dime-sized earing holes, wearing army boots and a crazy chopped up hairdo who told me Jesus loved me just the way I was... I definately would have listened, and I would have been pretty sure they weren't judging me, and maybe I would have even believed them. There's a place for weirdos in God's family. There's a place for prissies too. There's a place for all of us.

So, to answer my questions from the start of this post... I say all of us, unless we're willing to go the Hutterite route, conform to this world in some way. I have pierced ears and wear jeans which would have set me apart as a heathen and a hussy not to long ago. I say if a child shows creativity in their clothing choices, even if I personally think they look weird, we adults should look to their words and their actions as indicators of where their hearts are.

Basically, I'm saying lets not worry so much about being set apart. Let's worry about reaching out, let's worry about showing love, let's worry about knowing God as our final judge. He's the one that can see past all the trappings of this world straight into our souls...

What set's us apart as Christians? Our hearts. Love without qualification. That's what Jesus gave us. ("But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 NIV) That's what we need to give to the world around us. I don't want to be an "example" to non-believers. I want to be Jesus to them. I want Him to be so alive in me that when people meet me they meet Jesus.




Father help me to remember who I used to be when I start to feel like I am better than those around me. Help me to see others the way You see them. Let me be so full of your love that it overflows to those around me. Help me to remember that You are in me, and I am in You. Help me to be set apart in my heart and totally connected in my life. Thank-you for giving me your love even though I didn't deserve it.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

My Little Sicky

Ben's sick. His fever won't go down and he is miserable and whiny. I'm sick. I have no fever though, which is good because I get in a panic when I have a fever while pregnant.

On the upside Ben gets VERY snugly when he is sick. On the downside of that... Cuddling with Mommy sure doesn't seem to help his fever. He keeps wanting me to take off all of his clothes including his diaper. I'm not sure why being sick makes Ben hate clothing because if I take them off he gets all goose bumpy and shivery and then he cries... And pulls at his diaper. Poor little guy. I hope he feels better soon. He's so pathetic... He's even more pathetic than I am which is saying a lot.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

"Becky needs"

I was visiting Marc's site today and was treated to a hysterical read, the result of a game he played on Google. This is how you play: Do a Google search for your name and the word "needs" together in quotation marks. (My search looked like this: "Becky needs".) Then you're supposed to share the five funniest hits.

I couldn't pick 5 so here is my Top 15 Countdown:

15) Becky needs... a GIANT DANCING RAT!!!
14) Becky needs the help of river pirates to free her brother.
13) Becky needs to get out the bathroom.
(True. What can I say? I'm pregnant.)
12) Becky needs a medical corset to keep her from physically falling apart.
(Also true.)
11) Becky needs implants.
(Not really true.)
10)
Becky needs her pants changed.
(Definately not true. I may be pregnant, but I'm potty trained.)
9) Becky needs to do some clothes shopping, since she’s already been seen in everything she owns.
8) Becky needs more friends, since she’s so lonely.
(May have something to do with the clothes.)
7)
Becky needs her coffee, especially when she bartends the previous night.
6) With all this drinking, Becky needs a smoke.
5) Becky needs to be rougher and uglier. Keeping her character so humane for over two hours is not believable.
4) Becky needs to get a blog so you all can see how great she is!
3) Becky needs to go back to her psychiatrist and tell them her Xanax, Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft isn't working.
2) Basically, Becky needs round the clock, one on one, care and supervision.
(And my very favorite, which is why it gets to be so long...)
1) Becky needs a home. Becky came to the SPCA as a stray 7 months ago. She had been found tied to a tree in a local park. When Becky first came to us she was in a highly stressed state. She would howl and bark for attention, and bite her lead almost uncontrollably. This, of course, has meant that it has been hard to find a home for her. However, determination and training has paid off. Her behavior has vastly improved in her kennel environment and she is now much more controllable when out and about.

(Hmm... not sure Glen would agree with that last bit...)
Although Becky mostly ignores other dogs when out walking, we do not think she would be able to live with other animals. Becky loves to cuddle on an armchair with staff and volunteers, however it is important to mention at this point that it would be no trouble training Becky not to get on furniture or to get down when told. Becky does not tolerate the antics of small children, so she will need an adult home.


Heh Heh. Isn't that funny? Now you do it... and tell me the funniest ones!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Auf Wiedersehen Ping!


Ang is off to Switzerland... She's all freaked out 'cause this is her first plane ride and her first really big trip. (Unless you count going with Lion's Band to Michigan, which we don't.) She's going to run in the "Joints in Motion" marathon and somehow managed to raise more than $5000.00 for the Arthritis Society. Impressive hey? After the marathon she's staying in Europe for a bit to do some vacationing. (But I'm not jealous... I don't want to go to the dumb beach in Portugal anyways... Sounds tres dull.) Anyways, please say a prayer for her safety in the air and on the ground.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yet Another Quiz

Sally

You are Sally!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Do people really think I'm a total ditz?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Time for some whining... I apologize in advance.

I'm tired. I could sleep for two or three days straight. Today I walked with Ben to the park and I felt so exhausted afterwards. I am missing my energy. I have so much to do. I feel like throwing up ALL THE TIME. I feel so cut off from everything, and when I get the chance to do something all I want to do is climb in bed and sleep. This is a problem for me because I hate missing out on anything, and I feel like I am missing out on everything...

I am missing out on the fall... my favorite season.
I am completely out of touch with the rest of the world. (I finally realized last night there had been a devastating earthquake on Saturday.)
I am missing out on play time with Benjamin.
I am missing out on hanging out with Glen.
I am longing for the energy to repair and paint the walls in our basement.
I am living in a messy unorganized house and it makes me feel messy and unorganized.
I am so sick of puking... or laying very still to avoid puking.
I am just so tired. Hardly any of this seems to even matter.

Sigh... almost through my first trimester! I can't wait to start feeling more like myself.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

My Empty Mind... or Lost in the Barrens

I have nothing interesting to say today so here are all the uninteresting things going through my mind:

1) tomorrow night we are going to arrive in Saskatoon for the weekend. I want to stop at Fudd's for supper. I love their fries. I wonder if the cats will be okay in the car for that long. Probably. I wonder if it is too late to call up some friends like Scotty and Randy and Krissy and Mike to come along. Probably.

2) I watched The Notebook this weekend. I thought all the promos were exaggerating about it being one of the greatest love stories ever. I was wrong. It was so beautiful. I cried and cried and cried. Sigh...

3) Mom and Dad are stopping through on their way to Winnipeg tonite. I wonder if I really need to vacuum the guest room. Could Mom even tell if I didn't?

4) I need to do some laundry.

5) I'm glad Shirley is home.

6) I need to figure out when I'm going to see my Grandma Newson this weekend. There are SO many people to fit in. She needs to see Bentron so it can't be in the afternoon when he is napping... hmmmmm... maybe she'd like to come to Fudrucker's.

7) I should eat something, but the only thing that I can think of that doesn't make me want to puke is a creamsicle.

8) Why is my cat licking my arm? Do I need a bath? Probably.

9) Would it be rude to invite my Grandma Newson to come over to Glen's mom's for thanksgiving? She'd get a turkey dinner out of the deal... they live really close to each other... Glen's mom loves to feed people... would there be room at the table? Probably not.

10) I can't wait for Survivor and The Apprentice tonight. I love those shows. Yeeeeee!

11) Shirley wants me to go to this "Have A Happy Wedding" dessert night for a daughter (who lives somewhere else and goes to church somewhere else) of one of the ladies in our church. I don't even know this girl. I don't think I've even met her PLUS the ladies in my church didn't even invite me even though it sounds like it is for all the ladies of the church. What is up with that? Why am I STILL such an outsider? I shouldn't go. It will just make me bitter. Why do I feel like I should make an appearance to be polite? I DON'T KNOW HER! Sigh... think of Fudd's... think of fries. Think of Survivor.

12) I'm so glad there is now a Saigon (Vietnamese food) restaurant in Yorkton. It makes it almost bearable that there is no Taco Bell.

There you have it. Sad really...

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Touchdown!

YAY Riders! They pulled it off again! My Dad and Benjamin did some pretty hardcore celebrating after that final touchdown. I think Ben cheered louder and definately longer than all the rest of us... He's got that Rider pride, you know he just can't hide that Rider pride!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Rocking my Benjamin

Watching my little man fall asleep in my arms is one of the times in my day when my life feels the most idyllic. Don't get me wrong... my life feels pretty idyllic all day... Ben is a ray of sunshine and just makes everything more fun. I am still a new enough parent that I even find his very rare displays of temper completely adorable. He makes me smile from the moment I hear him wake up in the morning till the moment I lay him in his crib at night. There is just something about watching his little eyes get heavy and feeling his little body relax against mine that makes me feel like the world has shrunk to just Benjamin and me. I stroke his soft hair. I gaze at his peaceful face. I watch and feel every breath he takes.

In those moments I think about the time in the future when I won't be able to hold him on my lap anymore... I think about who he will be and who he will love... I wonder how I can watch him grow up and not feel like I am losing him. I think about all the things that make him so precious and completely charming... his giggle... his hugs... his gentleness... his joy... his dancing... his singing... the way his little mouth purses when he is really concentrating... his tendency to run for pleasure while shouting at the top of his lungs... and I know some things for absolutely sure. I'll never stop loving Benjamin. I'll never even love him less than I do now. I don't want him to be hurt. I don't want him to turn my love away. I don't want him to stop coming to me with his hugs and his tears. I know he will probably do things and say things that are wrong and hurtful, and I ache with the longing to keep him from all of that. It kills me to imagine how it would feel if he stopped loving me and wanted nothing to do with me. I'm crying now just thinking of it... and I think I am finally starting to understand God's love for me.

God feels that way about me too... He is aching for me to accept His love. He is longing for me to come to Him. He treasures all those things that make me precious to Him, and there is nothing I can ever do to change that, because He is my father.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Stupid Spammers...

You may not know this if you don't check my blog often, or if you don't read the comments, but for every blog I post I usually average about 4 spam comments. It's so irritating. I always delete them without reading them. Sometimes I am not fast enough and you might have to read a comment about what a great blog I have and "Oh, by the way check out this awesome casino sight..." So, disregard anything like that... try not to read it... and PLEASE don't support these websites by visiting them!

In other news, while I was writing this post... Ben took advantage of my inattention and poured a bag of "Poly filla" out onto the carpet. At least he didn't eat any. I don't imagine that something used to patch walls would be very nice in your tummy. I expect it would gum him up for a few days. Not good. Must pay attention to the toddler.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

ANOTHER quiz!

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream
You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party.
Your personality is super strong and unique.
Many people crave you constantly - while you turn a few off.
You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

I could just SCREAM!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
NEVER BUY BOOKS FROM ANYONE THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH GROLIER!
THEY ARE RIPOFF ARTISTS! WHEN YOU TRY TO STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR BILL YOU GET TRANSFERRED FROM ONE FRENCH RECORDING TO ANOTHER (NO ENGLISH TRANSLATION) NO ONE LISTENS, NO ONE HELPS, AND ALL YOU ARE LEFT WITH IS THE DESIRE TO SCREAM AND PUNCH SOMETHING! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! I WANT TO DRIVE TO WHERE THEY ARE AND DO SOME SERIOUS VANDALSIM! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Monday, September 26, 2005

WARNING: grossly descriptive rant, not suitable for young children or the easily sickened.

Here is the thing. Throwing up sucks. I go to all of the work to make my poor, nauseated, pregnant self eat something, which is a huge task when almost anything I think of makes me want to dry heave, which is painful and always makes me cry. I lay all still afterwards so maybe I won't puke... I think maybe I've made it. I've kept it down. I'm good to go! Then, once the puke has a chance to get all nasty and acidic I get to heave it all up in the middle of the night. That's not the worst part. No it's not. The worst part is when it comes up and takes a little detour out of my nose, burning the crap out of my nasal cavity on its way. Then it takes half an hour and a whole box of kleenex to try and get it all out of there... but I can still smell it.

Someone needs to invent something to stick up your nose while you are puking so that nothing goes up there. Seriously.