Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Happy First Mother's Day... Belated.

I'm posting this today, because I am feeling a bit blue... Sometimes I think back to what I expected from life when I was younger and I can't help but feel disappointed. I used to think I was really something special. As I got older I realized that I am not as smart or as talented as I thought I was. There is always someone better than you... Or me anyways. I found out I am not all that pretty... Or at least not that pretty in the eyes of this world. I thought I was going to be a superstar teacher who would change the world... And I can't even be an average teacher because I can't get a job actually teaching. I thought being married was going to be like it is in the movies, but anyone who is married will tell you (if they're honest) it is mostly hard work. I just thought so many things... And none have them have turned out the way I expected, except one. I am a Mommy and I have a wonderful little person who is depending on me and who I love more with every breath I take. While I was expecting I couldn't help but think, "Becky, prepare yourself, this will probably be just another let down... Don't expect too much," but this is the one thing in my life that has turned out to be MORE than I hoped for.

The trouble is, I know I should be saying this about my walk with God... But I expected way more from Christianity when I was younger, so I wouldn't be completely honest if I said that. I'd like to say knowing Jesus is the one thing that is more than I hoped it would be, but I can't. Hopefully someday...

Still, every now and then He takes me by surprise and sends me something special to tell me He loves me... He sees me... He hasn't forgotten me. On my first official Mother's Day when we left for church we found daffodils blooming in our front lawn. (One of my very favorite flowers.) I think God sent them just for me. (Good thing too because Glen didn't realize that virtually every flower would be sold or reserved the day before Mother's Day so he couldn't get me any, live and learn!)

I may not be all that I dreamed I would be, but the God of the Universe gave me flowers on Mother's Day. Now, if I can just get a hold of that...

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