Thursday, July 28, 2005

I LOVE this song... It speaks to me

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

Matt 14:28-31 NIV
Storm

How long have I been in this storm
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you everything will be alright
If I'd see you the storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you everything will be alright
If I see you the storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
Everything's alright

by Lifehouse

listen to this song
here ... just select "Storm"
Seriously... LISTEN TO IT!

My Favourite Place

We are just back from camping at Ispuchaw Lake... I would tell you where it is, but there are only five campsites and I wouldn't want the place to get crowded! It is so beautiful and peaceful, I really can't imagine heaven being any better... Sigh... Did I already mention that? The campsite we like best is #5. It is on the top of a hill out on a point. It looks out over the lake, and just at the bottom of the hill is a nice little sandy beach where my dad built himself a little dock using nothing but a hacksaw and some driftwood and rope... my dad, what a guy! I take my hammock right down to the waterside and hang there and read books and drink iced tea and eat sunflower seeds (spicy if I can get 'em) and it's PARADISE! This year the lake was pretty high, big surprise with all this dumb rain, so we beached at another lake. But, the most lovely thing about Ispuchaw is the seclusion. There is no running water... only an outhouse which is practically a kilometre from site #5... and generally you don't even see any other people except the John Bosco Camp kids on hikes. I LOVE IT! I'm so glad we made it out there this summer... did I mention I LOVE IT there? (Even with the stupid mosquitoes and horseflies.)

In other news... MY BABY IS WALKING! I am not sure whether or not I am happy about this very recent development. (He took his first step at the lake in the screen kitchen with my parents... at least I saw his second step... another sigh.) Is it wrong to want him to stay my baby forever? I feel like tomorrow he's going to pack a suitcase and leave home. Once I heard someone say that parenting is like taking a piece of your heart and cutting it off and then sending it out into the world to walk around. That's how I feel. I don't think I have ever felt so vulnerable as when I think of Benjamin making his own choices, maybe ones I don't like, and getting hurt and being away from me. I remember realizing shortly after he was born that I had made a HUGE mistake. He was crying and I was holding him and comforting him and I suddenly realized all his hurts couldn't be fixed in my arms... someday he would yell at me and tell me to leave him alone, and I wouldn't be able to help. I thought, "What have I done?" My heart totally breaks to think of those moments in our futures... all I can do is pray that he will let God hold him and comfort him when he won't let me... another sigh. Walking is just the beginning people. I'm telling you. I'm all FREAKED OUT!

But, he sure looks cute staggering around like a tiny little drunk person.



You want to know the truth? Sometimes I can't help myself and I pray "Please God, make everything perfect for him. Always keep him close to me and closer to you. And please. Don't ever let him hurt." I know... really, I do. I just can't help it.

Friday, July 08, 2005

I want a girl...

I want a girl baby. I want one SO bad. We are trying to get pregnant again and I can't stop thinking about her.

My fear is I won't get a girl and I will be so disappointed. I don't want to have any disappointment associated with having my next baby. My little man is so special. I wouldn't trade him for any girl... but OH I want a girl.

I want to do her hair and buy her barbies. When we're older I want a girl to hang out with at the lake while Glen and Ben go fishing. I look at all the sweet little girl dresses and shoes at Walmart and I want to buy them... In fact, Hannah (that's her name) already has a hat and a personalized Christmas ornament that I couldn't resist. I would buy more, but it will already hurt to get rid of the stuff I have bought if we have only boys.

Here is the thing. I know God knows all this. I have to have faith that He understands my heart better than I do and if I need a girl I will get one. Except I just want a girl SO badly.

Going public...

K. I've been inspired by my friend Denita and have decided to go public with my blog... which means not keeping it a secret from my friends and family. I've noticed something about my friends blogs... I actually get to see what is really going on in their hearts (if they're honest which they tend to be when they are writing) and maybe they would like to see what is REALLY going on in mine. Oh, they know things like I'm on a diet, but they don't know how weird it's been for me to be fat. They know I love my new friend in Yorkton, but they don't really know why...

So. Maybe they won't like everything they read, but maybe it will be nice for them to know what's going on in my heart and not just in my life.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Creation Calls

Well we're off to enjoy some of God's creation! I think my favorite place to be is camping at a lake with my family! Sometimes when I'm sitting on a beach, reading a good book and enjoying the sound of the wind rustling the leaves in the trees I really can't imagine even heaven being any better...


Creation Calls

I have felt the wind blow Whispering Your name
I have seen Your tears fall When I watch the rain

How could I say there is no God
When all around creation calls
A singing bird, a mighty tree
The vast expanse of open sea

Gazing at a bird in flight Soaring through the air
Lying down beneath the stars I feel Your presence there

I love to stand at ocean’s shore
And feel the thundering breakers roar
To walk through golden fields of grain
’Neath endless blue horizon’s frame

Listening to a river run Watering the earth
Fragrance of a rose in bloom A newborn’s cry at birth

How could I say there is no God
When all around creation calls
A singing bird, a mighty tree
The vast expanse of open sea
I love to stand at ocean’s shore
And feel the thundering breakers roar
To walk through golden fields of grain
'Neath endless blue horizon’s frame
I believe, I believe
I believe

Water flowing over the edge of a rock precipice
Turning misty white as it falls into the pool below
Tall evergreens, at the river’s edge,
Standing on guard
While a deer and fawn drink from the stream
The smell of tilled earth, just after the rain
A rainbow, dazzling natural colours
The sight of a hawk
As it circles in the thermal draughts of summer
A flock of Canada geese flying in perfect formation
Rising from the valley floor, rolling hills covered with trees
... Turning fiery red, yellow and gold in the autumn air
A leaf on its brief journey,
Twisting,
Turning,
Dancing
Its way
To the ground
Lifting our eyes, the mountains rise, trees giving way
... To rock, cliffs, ice glaciers and majestic jagged peaks
As the sun slips behind the horizon and night falls,
The mountains become silent fortresses silouetted against
The night sky, the countless stars shining in
Silent testimony
Snowflakes, gently falling, falling, each unique,
Whispering
“Remember the mercy of God ... remember the mercy ... ”
Covering the world in white and then
The quiet,
Quiet,
Quiet
Of creation at rest.

- Brian Doerksen