Friday, September 30, 2005

Rocking my Benjamin

Watching my little man fall asleep in my arms is one of the times in my day when my life feels the most idyllic. Don't get me wrong... my life feels pretty idyllic all day... Ben is a ray of sunshine and just makes everything more fun. I am still a new enough parent that I even find his very rare displays of temper completely adorable. He makes me smile from the moment I hear him wake up in the morning till the moment I lay him in his crib at night. There is just something about watching his little eyes get heavy and feeling his little body relax against mine that makes me feel like the world has shrunk to just Benjamin and me. I stroke his soft hair. I gaze at his peaceful face. I watch and feel every breath he takes.

In those moments I think about the time in the future when I won't be able to hold him on my lap anymore... I think about who he will be and who he will love... I wonder how I can watch him grow up and not feel like I am losing him. I think about all the things that make him so precious and completely charming... his giggle... his hugs... his gentleness... his joy... his dancing... his singing... the way his little mouth purses when he is really concentrating... his tendency to run for pleasure while shouting at the top of his lungs... and I know some things for absolutely sure. I'll never stop loving Benjamin. I'll never even love him less than I do now. I don't want him to be hurt. I don't want him to turn my love away. I don't want him to stop coming to me with his hugs and his tears. I know he will probably do things and say things that are wrong and hurtful, and I ache with the longing to keep him from all of that. It kills me to imagine how it would feel if he stopped loving me and wanted nothing to do with me. I'm crying now just thinking of it... and I think I am finally starting to understand God's love for me.

God feels that way about me too... He is aching for me to accept His love. He is longing for me to come to Him. He treasures all those things that make me precious to Him, and there is nothing I can ever do to change that, because He is my father.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Stupid Spammers...

You may not know this if you don't check my blog often, or if you don't read the comments, but for every blog I post I usually average about 4 spam comments. It's so irritating. I always delete them without reading them. Sometimes I am not fast enough and you might have to read a comment about what a great blog I have and "Oh, by the way check out this awesome casino sight..." So, disregard anything like that... try not to read it... and PLEASE don't support these websites by visiting them!

In other news, while I was writing this post... Ben took advantage of my inattention and poured a bag of "Poly filla" out onto the carpet. At least he didn't eat any. I don't imagine that something used to patch walls would be very nice in your tummy. I expect it would gum him up for a few days. Not good. Must pay attention to the toddler.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

ANOTHER quiz!

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream
You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party.
Your personality is super strong and unique.
Many people crave you constantly - while you turn a few off.
You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

I could just SCREAM!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
NEVER BUY BOOKS FROM ANYONE THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH GROLIER!
THEY ARE RIPOFF ARTISTS! WHEN YOU TRY TO STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR BILL YOU GET TRANSFERRED FROM ONE FRENCH RECORDING TO ANOTHER (NO ENGLISH TRANSLATION) NO ONE LISTENS, NO ONE HELPS, AND ALL YOU ARE LEFT WITH IS THE DESIRE TO SCREAM AND PUNCH SOMETHING! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! I WANT TO DRIVE TO WHERE THEY ARE AND DO SOME SERIOUS VANDALSIM! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Monday, September 26, 2005

WARNING: grossly descriptive rant, not suitable for young children or the easily sickened.

Here is the thing. Throwing up sucks. I go to all of the work to make my poor, nauseated, pregnant self eat something, which is a huge task when almost anything I think of makes me want to dry heave, which is painful and always makes me cry. I lay all still afterwards so maybe I won't puke... I think maybe I've made it. I've kept it down. I'm good to go! Then, once the puke has a chance to get all nasty and acidic I get to heave it all up in the middle of the night. That's not the worst part. No it's not. The worst part is when it comes up and takes a little detour out of my nose, burning the crap out of my nasal cavity on its way. Then it takes half an hour and a whole box of kleenex to try and get it all out of there... but I can still smell it.

Someone needs to invent something to stick up your nose while you are puking so that nothing goes up there. Seriously.

Friday, September 23, 2005

My BIG HUGE GINORMOUS Announcement

Actually... It's pretty tiny... about the size of a grape if you can believe that!

I have FINALLY managed to tell all the people in person who I needed to tell... The Ens family in Mexico took me FOREVER to get on the phone... So I can finally shout to the world that WE HAVE A NEW BABY ON THE WAY! That's our first picture! Can you make out the tiny little hand near the center of the image? I know it might not look like much, but (according to the ultrasound) I was only 9 weeks and 1 day along.

Our due date is April 25 and we are VERY excited and SURPRISED. This baby was not planned like Benjamin was, but it will be just as welcome! We were expecting to make getting pregnant a fall "project", but it turned out to be a summer project. So... now I am feeling all barfy and tired, which is my excuse for the lack of recent blogs.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

YAY! Another quiz!

It's the quiz to beat all quizzes! My friend Trish sent me a quiz all about her. I had to get a bebo (Benjamin has a book with bebo in it and it means belly button) membership I think, but all I needed was an email address and I intend to block them from my senders list. (Update: since I wrote this post a long time ago: I didn't block them, forgot, and I never got anything from them.) Click this link to find out how well you know me and if you can beat Glen I'll have to have a prize for you!

UPDATE: Just so you know... Glen just took the quiz and it told him he wasn't authorized or something... turns out I have to approve you after you take the quiz and before you can see your score. Once I approve you though you can see your results and the answers. This site is dumb and irritating... but the quiz is fabulous. Glen scored 73%.

I know, I know...

I know it's been a while since I last posted... Here is the thing. Or, rather, here are the things...

I have really not been feeling very well at all lately. I just want to lie very still most of the time. Also, I have this one big thing on my mind that I really can't talk about yet and so it has been difficult for me to think of anything to say that doesn't in some way connect to this one big thing. I promise to get back at it VERY SOON! In the meantime I am going to post a quiz I have had sitting around for a while because I am unsatisfied with the fact that you have to sign up for a membership (free) to get to take it. It's pretty painless to get a membership though... I did it when a friend of mine sent out a quiz of her own... And I have not received any junk mail from them and I've been signed up for around a month. So, if you feel like finding out how well you really know yours truly take the quiz! I'll post the top results on the blog and you can see if you can beat Glen. (Which is always fun.)

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SCOTTY!