Thursday, March 30, 2006

Glen's Sort

Okay. I'm sorry to keep going on about the "big sort" going on in our house, but this needs to be said. Glen also had a bunch of boxes to sort through. Here is a list of the things he found:

  • Models, models, and more models. All of them in their original boxes, some of them with their original receipts. The kicker? He played with them, put them together, and then put them neatly away. What kind of kid does that?
  • Legos, legos, and more legos. And guess how they were stored? LOL.
  • High school notes. Do I mean funny notes from friends written about teachers and cute girls? Nope. I mean chemistry notes, history notes, etc. All of them neatly organized and dated. Classic Glenard.
  • Bible School notes. All of them.
  • University notes. We could literally reconstruct Glen's enitre education after elementary school.
  • Grade 12 grad proofs. You really have to see them to believe them. I need to find a scanner and post them. They are frickin' hilarious.
  • A whole bunch of stuff from me and tons of other girls. The thing about the Glen of the past is that most of his best friends were girls so there are tons of letters and cards and doo dads from girls other than me! What a player.
  • Star Trek badge, communicator thingy. Only Glen... and maybe Scotty D.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. The funniest thing to me is how all of it was already all organized and how most of it came boxed like he got it from the store yesterday. If you know me and my family you know that an original box would last only long enough to be opened and then thrown away. I think maybe Glen and I are from totally different planets... No wait. Different galaxies...

A Sort Down Memory Lane

On Monday the big melt started. By Monday afternoon our garage was leaking water all over the boxes we have been storing in there. By Monday evening all of the boxes had been transferred to the empty room in our basement. (Which, by the way, was empty because it was all ready to be painted. Which also, by the way, still hasn't been painted because of all the boxes now filling it.)

Anyways... Some of the boxes hadn't been even opened since I was in bible college around 12 years ago, so you can imagine all of the interesting things I found. Or, maybe you can't. In that case I will provide you with a list of some of my favorite finds:

  • 3 pages of paper with a detailed description of our honeymoon. (No, you sickos, not that kind of description.) We had wieners and beans our first night out on the houseboat, and on our 4th day we saw a hummingbird and had to clean up human feces some jerk had left in the spot we were camping.

  • A letter from Janelle, sent to me at camp. I haven't seen or talked to her in years and years, but just in the last little while we've reconnected through our blogs.

  • Kurt Browning's signature. I also have the signatures of Shae-Lynn Borne and Victor Kraatz and some other skaters who I don't really care about. Ang and I stalked them after waiting outside of a Stars On Ice performance forever. When their bus pulled right by all of us fans waiting for autographs I thought Ang might cry... So I did the only thing a big sister can do. I decided that wasn't how it was going to end and told Ang to get in the car. (Mom and Dad's brown station wagon.) Then I followed the bus to the hotel where they were staying and we were waiting when they got off. See? Stalking does pay off and don't ever let your mother tell you otherwise!

  • A box of letters and keepsakes from my high school boyfriend. Why do I hold onto stuff like this? Cause it's funny, and I figure I can show it to my kids when they decide that their high school relationship is crucial to their lifelong happiness.

  • A bunch of notes from Camille Dicken. One of them is particularly funny as it urges me to break up with the afore-mentioned boyfriend in between complaining about her geo-trig homework.

  • Quizzes and worksheets from our pre-marital counseling. That's some hilarious stuff in there. Glen and I are going to look at some of it together and redo some of the quizzes now that we are so much older and wiser.

  • A pink "papier mache" mask. This little beauty was created in grade nine art class by my friend Sheila Friesen and I. We had to papier mache each other's faces and then we each painted our own masks. If I'm not mistaken Sheila made hers look like one of the members of KISS. (I love saying "papier mache", pronounced pap-ee-ay mash-ay, because it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George breaks up with this woman who wears chopsticks in her hair by telling her it's not her it's him... But then he finally admits it is her... And she's got Jerry's tax papers...)

  • Jeremy and Krissy's wedding invitation, among others...

  • A Church bulletin dated: May 12, 1996... among others...

  • A Dominoes Pizza coupon, expiry date: January 16th, 2000. I wonder if it's too late to get the second pizza for half price deal?

  • My peach satin grad shoes. I still have the lovely peach satin dress that goes with it. I wish I could lose enough weight to try it on, it's so fabulous, and I think anyone who saw me in it would agree that I was fabulous in it.

  • Entry tickets to Zona Arqueologica De Teotihuacan and a map to the Zoologico De Chapultepec. I'm guessing those would be the Pyramid of the Sun site and the Mexico City Zoo. I also found scads of pictures and letters written by Kirsten and her adorable brother Micah and a receipt for the rental of a beach umbrella and two chairs in Acapulco.

  • Heather Epp's resume on disc, and Randy Krahn's resume all printed out on nice paper. I have no idea why I have these, (especially Randy's) but I'm trying to think of a way to make use of them...

  • A wooden tile with the number 2 on it. Ahhhh, the memories. At Redberry Bible Camp we lined up for every meal outside the dining hall and when the whole cabin arrived you took a tile with the next available number on it. Sometimes this process got slightly violent if two cabins arrived at approximately the same time. Then you were supposed to hand it in as you went inside. Only, sometimes I forgot to hand my tile in. This one I just forgot for a loooong time.

  • A ceramic mug with a smurf on it and etched into the bottom: "Kerri 84". This one puzzled me for a bit till I remembered grade 4 art class and the mysterious mug mix-up of '84.

  • Numerous letters, cards, and doo dads given to me by Glen before and after we started dating. One of my favorite things I found was a letter written by Glen to me while I was living in Regina. It starts out, "My dearest fair Rebekah", and goes on in that vein for quite a while. The kicker? We weren't dating and wouldn't be dating for a good four years. That guy. If only he knew what he was doing to my poor heart. Why are men so oblivious? I remember reading that letter over and over with my friend Ang Kasper and listening to her tell me he had to be madly in love with me to write me something like that. Sadly, she was mistaken, as she often was in matters of my love life and I would have to wait a long time before he wrote something like that and what I read was what he actually meant.

Ahhhh the memories. See Mom? (Like she's actually reading this...) See Ang? There's a reason to keep boxes and boxes of junk! Actually, there's no good reason for it. I managed to get 14 boxes down to one with all of my sorting. If you think this list is boring you should see the list of all the weird and useless crap that I threw out. Seriously. The pile our poor garbage men had to clear away took up approximately the same square footage as our kitchen, and there's still a pretty big pile of garbage down here. I'm clean sweeping. It's the pregnancy nesting thing that enables me to do this, otherwise I'm sure I couldn't restrict myself to one box of stuff. As it is, that one box has all of the really important crap from my life that somehow manages to hold some of my very fondest memories. (And some of my very cringe worthiest memories too... Case in point: The box of ex-boyfriend Jeff junk.)

Monday, March 27, 2006

Sighs of the Times

It's weird to know your baby's birthday before he's even born. It'll be on the 18th of April, 21 days from now! I'm not sure if I'm excited it's so close or panicked? There's so much stuff to do around here and so many mixed emotions that I just feel tired...

On one hand... There's this weird feeling that the baby is going to get in the way of mine and Ben's relationship. I know this feeling will go away once I meet him, but right now I feel resentful that Ben won't have me all to himself anymore. PLUS there's the whole leaving him for 3 days to go to the hospital thing and once I do get home I won't even be able to pick my Benjamin up. It breaks my heart that he won't understand why. PLUS how will I take Ben swimming now? We usually go at least once a week and now we won't be able to. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am super excited to meet the new baby and see what he looks like. I love babies so much and I miss nursing and all the tiny clothes and those moments in the rocking chair. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am so scared of trying to take care of a new baby and Ben and recover from major surgery. I'm so tired right now but I am always reminding myself that a baby is easier to take care of when it's still inside you than it is when it comes out. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am so uncomfortable and sick of heartburn I just want this kid out of me. I'm tired of feeling so heavy and out of breath. I'm tired of doctors' appointments. I'm tired of peeing every ten minutes. Sigh.

On the other hand... At least I am still able to get stuff done around here. You should see how much we got accomplished this weekend. My family came and helped me work on the basement and we did some construction and painting. All I have left to do down here is prime the walls and paint them, cause today I finished all of the stucco work. Glen says he is sick of renovations, lucky for him once the baby comes I won't be able to do any more renovating for a while. Unlucky for me we still have so much renovating to do. Today our roof started leaking in the garage... And the backyard is a mess... And both washrooms are a disaster... There just seems to be an endless supply of jobs and I have a very limited supply of energy. Sigh.

I don't feel even a little ready for the 18th of April and it's coming and there's no stopping it. Last night I got a bit of reassurance though. The title of the devotional I read for March 26 was, "Let the Master Builder Complete the Job." (And no, I'm pretty sure it wasn't reffering to my dad... Even though he is a pretty amazing builder!) The scripture reference was Hebrews 3:4, "For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." (NIV) I guess while I do the work of getting my house ready I need to relax a bit and let God do the really important work of making my heart ready. Sometimes it's so easy for me to completely focus on all the work I have to do and forget that God is doing His own work in me. Stuff's getting done around here and I'm not even noticing some of it! That makes me feel better. Sigh.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -
Ben learned a brand new trick today!
Opened his mouth and miracle of miracles -
Sucked pop through a straw! Hurray!

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -
I was afraid he'd never learn,
But, now I see that Ben's a wizz, at drinking fizz,
Rootbeer cured my straw concerns!

When Johnny won Melissa's heart, that was a miracle.
When Ang ate tacos and didn't fart, that was a miracle too!
But of all God's miracles large and small,
The most miraculous one of all
Is that out of my little baby boy,
God has made a man today!

Yes. You heard me right! Today at approximately 5:15 at the A&W in Yorkton Ben FINALLY drank from a straw! I think this development will probably change our lives in ways I can't even imagine yet... The repercussions of this achievement are so far reaching it boggles the mind.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Where's My Shoe?

I'm going a little bit nuts here. I need to get out of this house. Ben is bored and so am I. He wanders around the house saying, "Gonna Goola Ina Caw?" all the time. I would take him somewhere too, only there is no somewhere to go to. We live in Yorkton. There's literally NOTHING to do and NO WHERE to go, other than places where I'd spend money... Sigh.

I've been painting the basement and organizing the hours and hours of digital videos we've taken of Benjamin. It's taking forever. The painting is taking forever because I can only do a little at a time and the videos are taking forever since they have been sitting in jumbled up folders in our computer for around 2 years and I don't know where anything is. I think the monotony of the painting and computering, and the computering and painting is getting to me. Usually I love painting, but this basement is turning into a huge mountain of work and I still can't see the valley on the other side. As for the computer stuff, last night I dreamt I was working on the videos. That's it. That's all that happened. I was just working on the videos. Even my dreams are boring.

I just reread what I wrote and it's pretty much babbling hey? The thing is I'm stuck here with a 2 year old to talk to all day and the conversation isn't exactly stimulating. The other thing is, even though I want to talk, I LONG TO TALK, I can't seem to string any coherent thoughts together. I'm feeling all trapped and smothered by being stuck in this house. I'm also feeling slightly panicked by all the things I want to do in this house and it definitely doesn't help that I am HERE all the time and all of the things I want to do are here too... So I feel the walls pressing in around me. All of my primed but not painted stucco walls are slowly closing in while my due date gets closer and closer. Time's ticking away while the walls get closer and closer and I'm no Maxwell Smart with a fancy tool in my shoe to get me out of this trap. Sigh. Where is my shoe with the all the fancy tools?

I'll tell you where it is. No where in sight. If spring would get here already, I'd be okay. But I have no shoe and no spring. Poor me.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Pursuit of Perfection

While I was working at Redberry Bible Camp I used to share my testimony at least once a week... Every Sunday night with the girls in my cabin and a couple of times I shared it at campfire with the entire camp. Of course, the campfire testimony was a much shorter version and I remember carefully deciding which parts I wanted to share and which parts should be skipped over... Anyways, all this is to say, I remember one time I shared my testimony with the camp and I talked about my need to be perfect...

You see, I'd been saved for a while. I asked Jesus into my heart at Torch Trail when I was around 12. He came into it, in a big way, but I wasn't living for God by high school. I wasn't even living for myself really. That's the thing about living. It's so easy to drift through your days without ever really choosing what you want your life to look like. Who do you really want your friends to be? What would you really like your relationship with your family to look like? What do you really think about eternity? So often we let our circumstances direct our lives. Anyways. I was drifting with my circumstances. I was unhappy. I needed God. I wanted God.

I thought, "Once I get my life in order then I will be able to ask God back into my life." I needed to cut off a bad dating relationship. I needed to stop lying to my family. I needed to get control of my anger and my bad language. There were all these things standing in between me and a relationship with my savior.

I can't remember when I finally realized the truth. The big huge truth that changed my life forever. I didn't have to be perfect to ask God to be my friend again. I didn't have to wait until I had everything under control. That's the whole point! I could ask God to take my life while I was still a sinner. Christianity isn't about perfect people coming to God with perfect lives and pristine hearts. It's about flawed idiots finally realizing they can't do it on their own reaching out to the one person who can actually help them. Then we can work on all that stuff that hurts us and others... And God can help us! (Well, duh, Becky.)

Lately, I've been forgetting that. I've been trying to be a good mommy, a good wife, a good Christian, and a good everything else, and when I fail I push God away. I don't want to talk to Him when I know I've messed up. I want to hide from Him. I think I need to have things "right" before I can talk to Him, worship him, or hear Him. So I keep on with my devotional time even though it doesn't really mean anything to me, except that I'm doing what I'm supposed to... I feel the disconnection and distance, but I don't try to heal it. I don't want to. I don't feel good enough to be face to face with Jesus... So I avoid Him.

The other night during my obligational time "with" God I read this scripture:

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8 NIV

... And my memory took me back to testimony time around the campfire at Redberry. Somewhere along the way I forgot the big truth that seems to be the key to my faith. I seem to be one of those people who are so determined to be perfect they lose sight of everything else. I seem to keep falling into this fallacy that first of all I can be perfect, and secondly that I need to. How can a truth that is so simple be so elusive to me? When will I ever learn? Maybe I never really will, but I'm getting the feeling that even that expectation is out of line. I'm a screw up, I can't do it, and maybe those things are more okay than I think they are...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I really should write a new post...

Monday, March 06, 2006

Saying Goodbye

I am standing beside a grave and 42 colored balloons are floating up into the soft blue sky. As they float away I think of Mavis as a little girl, I imagine all of the funny things she said and did when she was Ben's age. The bright colors against the sky are such a perfect expression of who Mavis was. I picture Mavis at camp, singing songs in chapel and helping me clean the washrooms, not because she had to, but because we just liked being together... Laughing. She could take the dullest chore and bring color to it. There's a balloon for every year of Mavis' life rising up above us and each of those years holds different memories for all of us standing there with tears in our eyes. As the balloons are caught up by the cold winter wind and quickly pulled far away from me I imagine Mavis where she is right now... Laughing with her dad and happier than she's ever been. I can barely make out any of the balloons now. I can't reach them anymore, or even see them, but I know they are there floating over the quiet snow covered fields...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

It's not easy being green?

I have too much on my mind right now. You know when you have so much on your mind that it all just jumbles together and you can't sort out what you really think about anything? That's how I feel right now, everything is all jumbled. The silly stuff is getting jumbled with the serious stuff. The things I should be thinking about keep getting pushed to the side while I think about the things that I just need to let go of... So tonite I took some time to look at mindless junk to take my mind off of all of the things on my mind. Here's what I found:

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

I figure if I have nothing on my mind for a while maybe some of the stuff on my mind will work itself out on its own. It's a theory anyways. I think I'll go look at slip covers on ebay
... One of the things on my mind is what color to paint the basement (maybe green?) and if I buy a slip cover for our ugly loveseat maybe that will help me decide... Of course, one of the other things on my mind is how poor we are right now so maybe ebay is the wrong place for me... You see my problem? That's just the beginning!

Maybe I'll go look at some more quizzes instead... Or maybe I'll go to bed... Or maybe I'll watch some mindless decorating show on television... Decisions, decisions... Oh my aching brain.