Monday, May 29, 2006

That's It.

We are so not traveling anywhere further than the Yorkton Walmart for a very long time. Last night the three hour drive from Saskatoon took us almost five and a half hours, which meant we pulled into our driveway at around 12:30 am. It was the trip from H - E - double hockey sticks and I thought it would never end.

Must remember... Never travel with a newborn...

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Out of the mouths of babes...

Here are some things that Ben said this afternoon that can tell you a lot about my life right now.

Oh no! Ah cying! Ah Samooel! Oh dear.
Stupid cat! Dumb cat!
Doccuh ana Phil!
Oh toot!

Ah hungy. Ah pizza? Peas?
Wait a secon!
Mummy tie ud.

Get uh mote. Bing uh mote.

Poor Sam. That poor baby cries a lot.

Poor Ben. He's so neglected.
Poor me. I'm tired, Dr. Phil is boring today, and Ben takes a long time to get the remote.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

My First Blogiversary

I just realized the other day that I was coming up on my one year blogiversary while I was planning Ben's 2nd birthday party. I was trying to remember what I had written last year for his birthday and I realized I hadn't had a blog for last year's birthday. (Although his birthday cake was the subject of one of my first posts...)

very first post was about my childhood pet Jynx's death, and how upset I was. (Which is funny to me because all I've been thinking about today is how I wish there weren't any cats at all in my life right now. My cats are stupid. I say this all the time as is evidenced by Ben's frequent exclamations of "Stupid cat! Dumb cat! I guess I'm just way too tired to have more living creatures depending on me for their existence. I'd take Jynx though. She was a good cat. I miss her.")

Anywho... I had big plans to write a fabulous post to celebrate my big day, but now it is after 11pm, Ben's in bed, Sam needs a bath, and I'm wasted. So much for that idea. All I will say is it is weird to me how much a person's life can change in only a year. A year ago we weren't even thinking of getting pregnant again and now here I am and the person that wasn't even a thought yet is all I think about.

Wait. I think about other things too. I think about Ben. I think about sleep. I think about the laundry and dishes and dirty floors. I think about icecream. I think about my weight. I think about - Dad cover your ears... I mean your eyes - getting it on with Glen after my checkup this week. I think about Taco Bell. I think about getting a double stroller so I can get some exercise. I think about sleep some more and then about icecream and Taco Bell again. I think about how I need to stop being so lazy and take Ben outside more often. I think about
Tractor Tom. (Why does farmer Fi even bother driving her farm vehicles when she could be sitting on her deck drinking long island iced teas while they do all the work?) Then I think about sleep again.

I guess that new little person isn't all I think about, but I bet thoughts of him take up a good 50% of my thoughts and Ben takes up the other 45% which leaves around 5% for everything else, which explains why I have nothing interesting to say.

P.S. I'm too tired to proofread this so don't harsh my mellow by pointing out any grammatical or spelling errors.

Friday, May 19, 2006

My Benjamin's Birthday

My little man turned two today... I know people always say this, but I can't believe how fast he's growing up. I was looking at some videos and pictures from one year ago and two years ago and my baby is turning into a little boy. I often find myself wishing I could freeze him and keep him just the way he is... Kinda like my fish, but not...

I am the type of person who looks at the people I love and thinks "Someday they'll be gone..." It can be a bit of a problem because I can find it difficult to fully enjoy my time with people because the whole time I'm thinking about how things change and how someday I'll wish I could relive the moment I'm living right then. When I'm with my Grandparents I often wonder if I'm giving them my last hug. When my parents leave for home after a visit as I watch their car drive away I pray and cry and imagine what it would be like if they got in an accident on the highway and died. I frequently have vivid dreams about the deaths of my siblings. (I usually phone them the next day just to make sure they are alive.) And don't even get me started on Glen... He has strict instructions not to die before I do. (If that sounds morbid to you then you should talk to a certain pastor's wife who has been known to check her husband's pulse while he's sleeping "just to be sure". Kinda creepy hey?)

When it comes to my boys I don't even let my mind go there. I can't imagine what I'd do if anything ever happened to one of them. I only allow my mind to imagine what it will be like when they grow up. When I hold one of my boys I often think about how it will be when they are handsome teenagers and they don't want me to read them stories or kiss their cheeks or tickle their tummies. It's very easy for me to imagine myself in the future missing what I have right now... Poems like this one don't help: (In fact I probably shouldn't read stuff like this especially on days like today, I'm already way too emotional.)

I Wish

I was so busy through the day, I didn't take the time to play.
When you brought your games to me, I told you “Not now,” and quietly,
I cleaned the house, I’d iron and cook, but when you’d bring your story book,
And ask me to sit and read to you, I’d say, “I have too much to do”.

I’d tuck you in your bed at night, you’d say your prayers, I’d dim the light.r>Too quickly I’d pass through the door, I should have stayed a minute more.
Life’s much too short, each year flies past, my little boy grew up so fast.
No longer playing by my side, for me to nurture and to guide.

The books and toys are packed away, no longer are there games to play.
No precious bedtime prayers to hear, that all belongs to yester-year.
My days once busy now are calm, the hours empty and too long.
I wish I could go back and do, all the things you asked me to.

One good thing about my overactive imagination is that I have no problem treasuring each moment. I have no problem leaving the housework so I can play with my Benjamin. (Yes, part of that is because I hate housework.) When I put him to bed each night and kiss his blonde little head my heart is his completely. Every time I look at his sweet smile and listen to his happy little songs he has all of my love with no reservations or distractions, because I know someday (way too soon) he'll be all grown up and his smiles won't be aimed at me as often and he might not wander the house singing his little heart out. He won't need me to kiss it all better or read him a story. He won't ask me to play "I got you" and he won't cry because he can't come play on my bed. He won't want to cuddle in front of the TV and sing Tractor Tom with me, and I know I'll miss it... All of it.

So happy birthday to my beautiful boy, even though your birthdays will always make me a little sad.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Evolution of Dance

Got a few minutes of spare time? Wanna see something funny? Then...

I'd like to see Ang learn this routine and add in some Riverdance moves.

Ang Braun: Feet of Fire

Happy Mother's Day

Last year for Mother's Day I found daffodils growing in our front yard. There aren't any daffodils blooming yet, but the flowers blooming on the tree just outside my bedroom window are so pretty and just as nice. I think they must be the flowers that God's sending me for Mother's Day this year. (I'm so glad we never got around to cutting that tree down... I had no idea it could bloom like this.) It is so lovely to sit in bed early in the mornings nursing Samuel with the window open. I can hear chickadees singing from its flowery branches and smell the scent of its blossoms floating into my room. (It almost makes up for having to wake up every 2 or 3 hours all night long.)

Isn't it nice how if we look with open hearts we can see little messages of love and support from God all around us?

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Bad Parenting:

I used to promise myself I'd never be one of those parents who'd use a television set to babysit their kids. So much for that. I also promised myself I'd never let myself go or own a minivan. Sigh. The way things are going, I'm thinking there'll be a minivan somewhere in my future.

I guess that's why they say, "Never say never."

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Sam has this thing where he refuses to be put down. He will only sleep a maximum of 10 minutes by himself. He insists on being on someone at all times and completely freaks out when he realizes we have put him down. This is a problem when Ben is hungry or poopy... Or when I am hungry and nearly poopy... Or in the very rare times when Glen and I are tired. (Insert sarcastic tone of voice here.)

So... Sam sleeps on us or he screams his head off until we pick him up. I tell you. It's good times here at the Willems' household.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A Long Day.

I'm wiped. I'm remembering back to bringing Benjamin home from the hospital and those first few weeks and wishing a little bit to go back there. I've always thought having one child is really like having a hobby instead of actual parenting and I know some people out there might disagree, but I was so right. I had it good back then. If the baby had a rough night... No prob, I'd just sleep during the day. If Ben had to suck on me all day... No biggie, more time to sit on my duff and watch TV. It wasn't like I had anything else to worry about. Oh sure, eating and bathing may have had to be put off, but nothing crucial was waiting for me. Taking care of one child is a hobby. I've said it before and I'm sticking to it.

Two is a slightly different story. (Cancel slightly and insert totally.) Anyone who has had more than one child knows this. If I don't get to sleep at night... I don't get to sleep. End of story. If Sam thinks he should suck on me all day... I'm basically screwed. I have to try to make Ben's lunch during those 15 minute breaks when I might have liked to go to the bathroom, or listen to Sam scream his head off, or listen to Ben cry, "Roni? Roni?" because he's starving and I've been promising to make him macaroni for the last hour. I've been wishing for a day back in the hospital where I only have to take care of Sam and me. Here I've got laundry and Ben and dishes and baths for both boys... Sigh.

And then there's the guilt. The other night Ben had a poopy diaper and I didn't notice till he walked up to me like he'd been riding a horse for the past 2 days. Poor little man. His little bum was all red and sore and it was all my fault. How could I have not noticed? (Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Sam needs his diaper changed every 20 minutes and somehow I thought Ben's must have been changed in there somewhere, but that excuse is just not good enough.) I don't know. All I know is it is killing me to have to divide my attention. And poor little Sam. Ben never had to cry like Sam does. Samuel has to wait much longer for things than Benjamin ever did. I feel terrible when I have to leave him screaming in his swing while I try to comfort Ben who has fallen off of the coffee table, which is tricky because I can't even pick him up because of this ding danged c-section. Of course, all that guilt adds up till finally I can't stand it and I pick up Benjamin and cuddle him for a bit so that I can feel guilty about not following doctors orders.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not really. All I have to do is think of my lunatic Mom and her four children ages 3 and under and I feel better about my lot. Really all I want to do is get this down in writing so I can look back and remember what my first weeks with Sam were like. To all of you it must sound like I'm not enjoying it, but actually I am. There's something so amazing about nurturing a new life that is completely dependent on you. It just feels right that it should be totally draining and all consuming. I don't think there is any other time of life where a parent's sacrifice is so evident. I know there will be many more sacrifices and sleepless nights, but somehow these first few weeks stand out. I think it has to do with being so completely wrapped up and focused on just getting through each feeding, each diaper change, each day, each night... Till suddenly you look up and your baby is sleeping through the night and sitting up and eating peas and walking and saying things like, "I love you." I know there will be a day when I will wish I could travel back in time to right now and nurse my baby in the middle of the night. I already wish that with Ben every now and then. (Sometimes I wonder if I'm just overly sentimental or an actual raving lunatic... ???)

Monday, May 01, 2006

A kick in the pants:

All right people. What gives? How come no one is commenting on Sam's blog? I've been putting up all kinds of cute pictures and he's starting to feel a bit snubbed by the lack of interest, so hustle over there and tell me how cute you think he is. Move!

Oh, and here's a cute picture of Ben just for fun: