Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I love taking pictures of Ben. All kinds of pictures. I usually spend a lot of time getting him to pose and smile just right so that he looks as sweet as possible. But every now and then I get to him to pose just right to capture his odd little personality. This one of him and his jar of ladybugs made me laugh laugh laugh:

I took some others and posted them on his blog, but this one was my favorite and I had to show it to you here. I had to.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


I don't know what my problem is, but whenever bedtime hits I get this sad feeling and I end up sitting here in front of the computer waiting till I'm exhausted before I can go to bed. I think it's Dad. Man, I wish he was better and they weren't going to dumb Seattle for months and months. Cancer sucks big time.

I try not to think about it, but what happens is that as soon as bedtime rolls around and I have nothing left to do, all of a sudden I remember that Dad is still sick and he's going far away to have a sort of risky procedure done to him in a place where there is no chance I will be able to visit him. And beyond that, even if he was healthy I would have trouble being away from Mom and Dad for that long. I'm just that kind of girl.

This is the point where my faith is supposed to kick in and I am supposed to be all at peace and trusting in God and putting it all in His hands and blah blah blah. It sounds nice, but it doesn't seem to be working for me. At least, not at night.

Here's the thing: How do you trust someone who you feel has let you down?

In my head I know that Dad getting sick isn't a sign that God has let me down, or turned His back on me... But in my heart I feel like He doesn't really care about the things I care about. He's all into making me into a better person and all that crap, and all I want is to go along on my merry little way with all my family going along on their merry little ways. Healthy and happy. And HERE. I don't want us to learn things and grow through trials and tribulation, I don't want to appreciate every moment because I've learned how fragile life can be, and most of all I don't want Dad to go off to some stupid better place. I want him in this place and I don't care if the other place is better. I want him to stay here being my boys' Grampa and doing stuff that makes me laugh and fixing things for me. And I don't trust God to think that's as important as I do. Because God is all into the bigger picture, and I'm not. I'm into the little picture that I can see right here in front of me, and that picture looks pretty frickin' empty without my dad in it.

I don't care if that makes me selfish. Not right now. I really don't. So don't bother lecturing me. I'll just roll my eyes at you while you talk, and when you walk away I'll stick out my tongue at you behind your back.

I wish I wasn't trying to lose weight and I could go comfort myself with a big slice of poor Sam's uneaten birthday cake. Or maybe two. Sigh. It doesn't really matter anyways, because by tomorrow I'll be back to not thinking about it all day and I'll be fine again. Plus there's cake after church, and I'll have to have some just to be polite right?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Oh, shat.

Last week we had Sam's birthday party planned for Saturday. I bought the food and the take-home presents for all the little birthday guests. I ordered a Backyardigans birthday cake from Dairy Queen. I cleaned the house. The night before the party, on Sam's actual birthday, both of the boys ended up with really high fevers.

Party canceled.

So we rescheduled the party for tomorrow. Today Sam woke up at 6am and puked. I was hoping it was a blip. Then he puked again at 8am. It could still be a blip right? Then he puked again at around 9:30. On my carpet. "Oh shat," says I... I'm thinking I shouldn't have said that because I think it may have brought on the outrageously runny and putrid diarrhea that made it's first appearance at around 11:30.

Party? Canceled. Again.

Here is the question people: Do I dare reschedule?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Conspiracy Theory

Okay people. I have this theory. The theory is this: I am not supposed to exercise.

Yesterday, in the middle of working out to my new step aerobics exercise video with my fancy new step ordered off of ebay, I look up to discover Sam has somehow managed to find a Sharpie (I thought they were all put away on top of our bookshelf) and colored all over the adorable little kitchen we got for his birthday last year. ALL OVER. So I quickly stop my tape, grab the marker, put Sam in the corner, and run to grab a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. No use. It's scribbled up, and it won't be coming off that type of plastic any time soon. Now I am too mad to work out, plus running late for work, so the workout is nixed half way through.

Today I tried again. Things got worse.

At ALMOST THE EXACT SAME POINT in the video, Ben comes up to me and tells me his knees are dirty. I look. Yes. They are indeed dirty. In fact, they are covered in poop. (He had very helpfully taken his poopy pants off and put clean underwear on though, so who can be mad, right? Sigh.) So, I quickly stop my tape, take him to the bathroom, and run a tub of water for him. After I have wiped off all the poop with wetwipes and tossed him into the tub, I go out to the living room to discover my Sam has taken off his diaper and TURDED on the floor. Yes. You heard me right. Turd. On, and in fact, all over the floor. Argh. Now I'm running late for work again and there's definitely no time to finish my workout again.

I swear, there must be some force working against me here... Some force determined to keep me from looking cute and slimish this summer. Either that, or the boys like me on the fat side, because I make such a soft and comfortable movie-watching chair.

I'm almost afraid to start up that tape tomorrow. Who knows what will happen?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Happy Birthday Baby!

It seems like only yesterday that we got to meet our little bundle of mayhem and lunacy for the very first time. Our lives were so boring without him and we're so glad we get to keep him for a really long time. Who knew crazy could be so much fun?

Happy Birthday Sammy!
Ben and Mommy and Daddy

(A proper birthday post will be along soon. Mommy has something in the works.)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Good Times

I'm back from my little trip to Saskatoon/Martensville. Glen couldn't come, he had a school drama festival that he needed to be at, so it was just the boys and me. Traveling alone with Ben and Sam always makes me appreciate single parents. Yoiks. Toddlers really do need someone to sit with them and make sure they don't squirt their bottles out all over everything. Yelling "Sammy! Stop that!" while driving is not really a very effective deterrent for a kid like Sam. He's not dumb. He knows I'm not going to go back there. Cleaning out the van is at the top of my list of things to do tomorrow.

I went to my cousin's wedding and had a lovely time. She was a stunning bride and it's so great to see her so happy, especially because she has been through a lot. Watching someone get a chance to start over and begin again is really an amazing thing. I spent a lot of time thinking about second chances and grace this weekend. So often I have it in my head that one major mistake can mean the end of all my dreams and plans, but that's not what life is really about. It's not about being perfect. It's not about floating along in a haze of perpetual contentment. It's about making mistakes and learning from them. It's about finding your true self and then loving and allowing yourself to be loved, flaws and all. Sometimes the greater our pain, the greater our appreciation for the beauty that's all around us. I know that sounds trite, but that's what I thought about this weekend.

We had Sam's first second birthday party with all of my awesome family. It was a sweet time, and true to form, all the struggles of the past year made it seem even sweeter. Watching Dad be able to play with the boys, and just being together doing normal things was lovely beyond words. Dad even has his hair and mustache back, so things really felt good and normal for the most part. I also got to spend lots of time with my Mom and sister, which is just always good for me. There is no one I'd rather shop for bras with than my mom, and no one I'd rather watch TV and avoid responsibility with than my sister. Good times. I love them all so much.

I'm not really sure what's going on here tonight, but I'm feeling pretty sentimental, and I'd hate to turn off my few remaining readers with too much mush, so I should probably sign off. I've posted pictures of Lisa's wedding here, and Sam's birthday here, for all of you who are interested, or even for those who are not interested, but just plain desperate to get away from the sap.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Time Stands Still

Well people, it's happened. I've found an activity that actually manages to eat up time faster than blogging, facebook, and yes, even SIMS. I blame this new and fabulous blog that Jen turned me on to.

How do I explain to you the joy this website has brought to me? The worlds that seem to be opening before me? The endless possibilities and untapped potential that I now see in my folders and folders of pictures? I can't. I can't explain what this site has done to me, so I'll show you...

Here's a picture I took at my friend Heather's wedding a few weeks ago:It's a nice enough shot for something I just quickly snapped in the receiving line. Heather always manages to look like a magazine photo in every picture ever taken of her. (It's a little annoying sometimes actually, especially if I, the most un-photogenic person I know, happen to be standing beside her.) Ordinarily, all I would do to this photo is crop it and print it, but inspired by my new obsession I did this:
Then I did this: (Same picture.)
Anyone who knows me knows that I love photoshop with a burning passion rivaled only by my passion for chips and reality TV, but this... Oh man. There are no words.

I'll tell you one thing though. I was supposed to be packing to go to Saskatoon tonight. Glen came home from work at 5:30 and I opened up Heather's picture in photoshop to crop it and email it to a friend quickly before I had supper. The next time I looked up it was 8:30. I'm beyond just being in love. I'm ga ga. I'm totally twitter-pated and changing everything about myself just hoping I'll be liked back.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

It's Finally Happened

We went for a walk in some more puddles today. The boys would do that forever, but sadly Sammy still trips fairly often, and when you trip in an icy puddle it puts an end to puddle walking pretty quickly. Poor little soggy guy. After I stripped off his tiger pants and his dripping socks, wrapped him in a blanket, pulled him home in the wagon, and got him some new clothes, he was good to go again. (I'm so glad I'm smart enough to bring the wagon in case of emergencies just like that one.) Unfortunately, by that time my dumb cough was back and I was not good to go.

today, for the first time this Spring, I could put the boys in the backyard, take off my boots, and sit at the kitchen table with some tea to read a book while they played outside. The yard is still full of snow, it's actually waist high in the shady spots close to the house, but the deck has some dry spots, and it was so warm outside that I could finally leave the boys in the yard alone for a while. It was fab.
I'm so glad Spring is almost here. SO GLAD.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

He doesn't eat the red ones last...

I looked up from reading on the couch the other day and happened to glance to where Ben had poured his Smarties out for more convenient eating, or so I thought. Red is his favorite color and I laughed when I noticed there wasn't even one left and still plenty of the less desirable colors. He says the red ones taste "the best in the whole Earth." He makes me smile. I hope he always eats the red ones first.