Sunday, May 18, 2008

My Baby's Turning Four

Four years ago, at this very moment, my body finally decided enough was enough and started the long process of trying to evict its resident of over 41 weeks, Benjamin Abram Willems. It seems like yesterday to me...

I was sitting on the couch after a few last ditch attempts to bring on labor (never mind), watching
Colonial House, and braiding my hair. After a particularly violent kick from aforementioned resident, I said to Glen, "This baby is now kicking me so hard I can hear it!" Twenty minutes or so I suddenly remembered a passage I had read in The Girlfriend's Guide To Pregnancy (I lost my copy, by the way, did I lend it to any of you?) just that afternoon, which explained that some women actually hear a popping sound when their water breaks. It couldn't be... Could it? Could this baby finally be coming on the night before I was booked to be induced? Could I actually be in labor?

It seemed so strange. For so long it had felt like I was going to be pregnant for ever and this whole pregnancy was just an elaborate joke. It felt bizarre to think I might actually be in labor... But I was.


Everything I had read and seen in my prenatal classes told me I had tons of time. All the information presented to me told me that my first labor would slowly progress through the stages and that real labor was still hours away. So I watched the end of the Colonial House episode, while I felt what I thought must be contractions becoming more regular and intense, and then Glen and I made our leisurely way to the hospital.
Then all hell broke loose.

Honestly, I skipped right past that whole early stage thing where you see the mommies-to-be walking up and down hallways, pausing every five or ten minutes to take some deep breathes before proceeding with their baby-hurrying walks. (Now that I look back, I expect I didn't actually skip it, it just seemed that way. I was probably in that stage for most of that day and evening before my water broke and I had no idea.) I was four centimeters by the time we got to the hospital and hit 8 centimeters within the first few hours. I know I was nine centimeters by around 1am and then everything stopped. Except the pain... And the contractions.


Ben was stuck and I got the shock of my life when my doctors recommended a c-section at around 11am that morning. I really thought that I was built for childbirth and would have no troubles, so the emergency c-section blew my mind a little bit. Sadly, there are no epidurals in Dorkton, so I was unconscious when Ben was born. That still haunts me a little... That I missed the moment of his birth... His first breath... His first cry...


But I've been there for all of the other firsts so far. His first laugh. His first pickle. His first, well his second anyways, step. His first time down the big slide at the park. His first little prayer. His first day of preschool... And I have to confess... I'm feeling a little blue that all those firsts are over. I'm feeling a little fragile thinking that my toddler isn't a toddler anymore. He's a little boy, and some day he'll be a big boy and then a teenager and then a man.


I'm trying to remind myself that I still have many firsts ahead of me to share with my Benjamin. His first time on skates. His first time riding a bike without training wheels. His first day of school. His first crush. His first pimple. His first time driving a car. His first time falling in love. He has so many firsts in front of him and I'll get to be there for a lot of them, and so will God. And hopefully, I'll get to be there the day he decides to follow Jesus, and hear all about his first steps into God's kingdom.
So I shouldn't be sad. But I am a teeny tiny bit. Because my baby isn't such a baby anymore...

Anyways... Happy Birthday my sweet boy! Mommy promises she will cheer up for your big day tomorrow and she loves you tomorrow.

4 comments:

  1. Happy birthday Ben! Uncle Mike had his birthday yesterday. We had hot dogs. Some things never change. Hope you have a great day.

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  2. Happy Birthday Ben!

    And your book isn't lost. You actually gave it to me...wrote a little inscription and everything.

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  3. Happy Happy Birthday! i LOVE reading your Mommy's story - every Mommy remembers all the details, and i think that's fabulous!!! :)

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  4. Happy Birthday Ben. Not sure if I should gloat or not, but I am happy that I got to help you with your first step. Me and grandma. Mommy, don't be sad you were within cheering distance when it happened.

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