Thursday, June 26, 2008

School's Out For Summer

I've been subbing full-time the last few weeks in a grade four classroom. I liked it and hated it at the same time. The thing is... I like teaching, but I hate subbing, and for those of you who have never subbed and can't figure out the difference here it is:

When I sub, no matter how welcoming the staff and students are, I am still an outsider. I don't have the same responsibilities, and so I can't have the same respect or camaraderie with any of them. Some schools are better than others at making a sub feel like a teacher, (this last one was sensational) but the fact is, we subs are not actual factual teachers. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: We're babysitters. Very well paid babysitters. I want to teach in way that makes a difference in the lives of students, and subbing doesn't really make a difference, no matter how hard I try. Anyone could do the job I do, and when I'm gone things will click on just the same, or better, than they did when I was there.

It's depressing.

I always find it difficult to look around a staff room or school assembly and not feel a little resentful towards the people with full-time teaching jobs. This is completely illogical of me since I don't even want a full-time teaching job right now, but there it is. Everyone has felt that illogical resentment in their lives at some point, so I'm sure I don't have to explain it to you. Just think of the last time someone you knew had something you really really wanted and didn't seem to appreciate it the way you thought you would. I know this is unfair of me, because I'm sure if I had everything I really wanted I would probably eventually get used to having it enough that I could find things to complain about again.

It's still depressing though.

But I'll snap out of it. It's summertime, Kirsten and Eliisha are coming to stay, the paddling pool is waiting to be set up in the backyard, I have days and days of picture taking possibilities in front of me, and endless hours of free time to enjoy my family... And I just know this is the summer that I finally find an awesome plastic picnic table for the boys at a garage sale. I know it!

3 comments:

  1. I fully understand the illogical part of this. In the last year I have done it a lot. I see people all around me and I am jealous of their good health. I know, I know. I don't actually know if they have that good health that I so desperatly crave. But it seems to me that they do, and ergo, I am jealous.

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  2. My first ever job was as a school laboratory technician, and yes, I can appreciate the 'not a proper teacher' feeling. Even more so as I was just 16 YO (although bearded and long haired) in an 11-14YO school.

    There was this bizarre situation, as it was made plain that I wasn't welcome in the staff room. I lasted just 15 months before resigning (things weren't going well anyway) and getting a job with a future in a real lab, rather than going nowhere in a dead-end situation.

    By the grace of God, here I am still.

    Toni

    http://tertl.blogspot.com

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  3. Hmmm...I feel that way as a casual in shipping and receiving. I don't really belong. It doesn't help matters that they seem to work at making me feel that way either. Well, at least I can say "So long suckers!" ahem, that is if I want to. :) Glad to have got that off my chest. Hahaha!

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