Thursday, April 02, 2009

Not Better Yet

"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world." - Mercedes Lackey

A long time ago, I burned a sleepy time cd for the boys with the Sarah Mclachlan song "When She Loved Me" on it. I used to love that song. Last night when it started playing I had to get Glen to turn it off. I don't think I can ever listen to it again without crying. I'm still upset.


Do you know? We used to walk our cats on leashes. We took them to the drive-in with us. Sometimes, when I didn't want to go alone, I would take Fizz in the car with me to the store. She slept on my bed every night, usually under my covers. We used to tell Mom and Dad that we had to bring the cats along with us to their house when we visited because we couldn't find someone to watch them, but it was really because I would have missed them too much if we'd left them behind. The first year that we moved to Yorkton I was so lonely, and when Glen would go to work I would sit in the yard with the cats to keep me company. Fizzy liked to burrow under the blanket I was sitting on. She would sit there under the blanket with her little head the only thing sticking out and I wouldn't feel so lonely. Then we had kids...

Oh Fizzy. I'm so sorry. If only... If only a hundred things.

(Yes, I'm aware that I'm being completely ridiculous. I can't help myself though.)