Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Supposed To

I'm not supposed to be looking at my computer screen right now.
I'm supposed to be on a plane flying to Seattle. Ben is supposed to be on the seat beside me looking out the window as we take off from Vancouver. I'm supposed to be pointing out boats and islands as they pass beneath the plane. Hannah is supposed to be on my lap sleeping in an outfit I picked out just for Mom and Dad. There are supposed to be presents from home for them in my suitcase. Dad and Mom are supposed to be excited to see two of their grandkids again. Mom is supposed to have the key to the apartment I was supposed to stay in on the floor below them, and she's supposed to be fussing over Dad and trying to think of things to tempt his appetite, but be kind to his kidneys. She's supposed to be planning supper for all of us. I'm supposed to be excited and happy to hug my Dad in just over an hour. Dad is supposed to be alive and getting better with a whole week of being together in front of us.

This is not how it's supposed to be.
Last night and today have been hard for me. I'll be glad when the trip I was supposed to have gone on is over next week.

My mom's getting a puppy though. I don't like pets very much anymore, but I've always loved beagles and I'm super excited about meeting "Frank".

That's all.

12 comments:

  1. lame. I hate it.

    If only you could come here. I could meet you in Vancouver tomorrow, and we could be at my house drinking wine and eating carbs in time for Glee. Sounld like a plan?

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  2. I hate wine... But other than that it sounds okay... :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing this. The picture is beautiful and perfectly captures the longing you are feeling. I hate when we have a yearning for what is no longer possible...it is a difficult feeling.

    {{hugs}}

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  4. I took it on my trip out to Seattle to see Dad last month.

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  5. I absolutely HATE all of those supposed-to-be's that were supposed to be will-be's. Hate. It. A lot. You were also supposed to be visiting me. I agree with Melanie. I can come, too?

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  6. There's just nothing I can think of to say, but wanted you to know I read your blog.
    love and hugs!

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  7. I just saw yesterday how your name was on my calendar for next week; love and hugs to you Becky...

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  8. Praying for God's peace upon you this week.

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  9. I wish I could be there for you Becky. I hate that I am far away.I hate that I have to try and express how much I hurt for you and your family with words rather then just be there with you. I feel like saying, "I am praying for you" has no meaning any more. Yes I am still praying for you guys but I want to be there to pray with you rather then for you. I hate that I haven't given you a hug. I do however, love you very much.

    -Robyn

    ps. I hate wine too. I have tried to like it but I just don't.

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  10. It's okay. I like all sorts of alcoholic beverages. You pick.

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  11. I feel like 'mo'. Just wishing there was something I could say to make you feel better but there's not.
    I love you!

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