Tuesday, December 07, 2010

He Opens a Window

God helps those who help themselves. That's a dumb thing to say. For one thing, it isn't even close to biblical, for another it always seems to be said at the dumbest times. It goes hand in hand with "If you believe, you shall receive," which isn't a dumb thing to say if you don't say it to someone whose dad is only a few hours away from losing his fight with cancer. Sometimes people believe things and say things without thinking very much about how what they believe and say could be - for lack of a better word - wrong. Or at least, not accurate, and definitely not helpful.

Someone said to me, after Dad died, (I hate writing that, "died") that "When God closes a door He opens a window." What a dumb thing to say. First of all, it made no sense. I'm sure they said it just because they couldn't think of anything to say. (Tip: If you can't think of something to say to someone who is hurting, it's the perfect time to say, "I can't think of anything to say to you. I want to say something to help, but I know I can't say anything that will help." Because seriously, when you can't think of something to say that's JUST when you will say the dumbest thing ever. Trust me. I do it all the time.)

The other day, for some reason, I was thinking of that. I still think it's a dumb thing to say to someone who just lost their dad, or their job, or their boyfriend, or their whatever. And people always say it, to each other, and to themselves. But I was thinking of it the other day anyways.

This is the thing I thought: No one ever goes in a window when the door is right there wide open. They don't even climb through a window when the door is just shut. But on occasion, something happens and you can't get in the door, so you have to go in through the window. It's hard, but if you have no other way to get inside you scramble through, and usually fall on your face when your foot gets hooked on the windowsill.

Personally, I would be lying if I said I'm not mad that the door's closed, that I'm not mad that I knocked and knocked and begged and screamed to be let in through the door I've always gone through. And the one who could keep it open, for at least a while longer, stood on the other side and let me cry. That's how it feels on this side of the door. I know people will tell me that He was standing there with me, but I have never felt more alone then when I was standing there pounding on this side just wanting to go through the rest of my life the easier way, the way with Dad in it.

But that way is closed... For now. And I still think it's a dumb thing to say, but it sums up this last year. I didn't choose to get through this year like this, but I did get through... Because it was the only way. And maybe it will never be as easy as it used to be to get through. I think it probably won't. But that's life. My life and many other people's lives.

We've propped up ladders and put chairs on the other side to step onto so it's not as hard as it was when we first found the door shut tight, but still, we're scrambling through windows and it sucks.

So, as a comment on how life sometimes sucks, but you do what you have to do to get through it, I guess it makes sense. There is always a way, and hopefully you still feel God there with you making sure that way, even though it's harder, is open for you. But as a comment that's meant to make you feel better when you feel like your whole world is being taken away? Lame.

That's what I was thinking anyways.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Poor Girl

I wrote a new post for Hannah. She had a bit of a day.

Poor Hannah. Everything is just a little too difficult to handle lately. I think it's because she's at one of those transition stages babies have where their abilities can't quite keep up with their expectations... Like just before they learn to crawl, walk, talk, etc. Maybe if we win this contest over at Tickled Pink Gifts for Girls she'll cheer up.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Done Like Dinner

I've seen a few people post this video on facebook. I like it. It gives me goosebumps actually. That is a fantastic group of singers. I was going to post it here to celebrate the end of NaBloPoMo, much like the way I did a few years ago, but I decided to post this video instead:


It makes me happy. I can't explain it, but I burst into tears when I watch it. Well, I can explain that part, I burst into tears fairly easily, and this just makes me really happy for some reason. Not the song. Not Oprah. Just all of it.

So it fits this post, because YAY! 30 posts in 30 days. Done. (Plus one.)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Christmas Finery

This is the post for today:A picture of the kids all ready to have their pictures taken with Santa, and this little tiny bit of gushing: I have the cutest sweetest little crew in the whole wide world. Look at Hannah in her Christmas finery! I can't even begin to express how much fun it is to dress her, especially at Christmas. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

It's No Secret. I Like Books.

Hannah is sick. She had a rough night, coughing and coughing, and then puking. As a result I am tired, and was seriously dreading the writing of this post. Lucky for me my friend Carol tagged me in another of those quizzes on facebook. I won't tag anyone else except Sheila, because she's the only one I know who's still doing NaBloPoMo. And she always seems to have something interesting to post, so I won't be hurt if she doesn't need to resort to using a quiz as a post. Here it is:

Have you read more than six of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only six of the 100 books listed here. Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!

(I bolded the ones I've read like it says, but I put a star by the ones I've read more than once, or ones that are some of my favourite books EVER. And I put stars by the ones I haven't read, but am planning to read in the near future. I had to look up a few of them, because the title sounded familiar, but I barely remember reading them.)

*1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen

*2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien

*3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

*4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling (all)

*5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee

*6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights (I tried, oh, how I tried.)

8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens

*11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger

19 The Time Travellers Wife – Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch – George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby -- F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

*25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina –Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens

*33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis

*34 Emma – Jane Austen

*35 Persuasion – Jane Austen

*36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis

*37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Willaim Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne

41 Animal Farm – George Orwell

*42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

*43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabrial Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving

45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins

*46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery

47 Far from the Madding Crowd -- Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martell

52 Dune – Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

*54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

*59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon

60 Love in the time of Cholera - Gabriel garcia Marquez (I tried this one to see if it was any better than the movie, which I hated. It wasn't.)

61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas

66 On the Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy

*68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula – Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson

74 Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylivia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal – Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray (I lost it. I wonder whatever happened to that book?)

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - Charles Mitchell

83 The Colour Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert (It's in my pile on my nightstand right now.)

86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry

*87 Charlotte's Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree collection - Enid blyton

91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare

*99 Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Santa's Here!

It doesn't feel like the Christmas season has really arrived until Santa rolls into town... Very slowly, behind a bunch of cars with Christmas lights on them, and some trailers with little kids riding and waving, and a whole bunch of people walking down the street handing out candy canes that I will throw out because my kids won't eat them.

But first, look how cute Hannah is. She's sick, and nothing makes her feel better than sitting in my bed all day watching YouTube videos on my laptop. I understand Hannah. My bed is the best place in the world when I'm sick. Or any time actually. (Which is why you can see my book just behind the laptop.)

I also have to point out her socks. Which took me right back to when Sam was this age.

And moving onto the parade...

Sam got to ride on the float for his preschool. (Don't ask why he isn't wearing mittens. I can't answer that. I never did get a straight answer out of Glen.) His teachers said Sammy was the best Merry Christmasser. (That's how you'd spell that right? Two s's?) Nice and loud. What a shocker. (He's the one in the Huskies hat, just in case you have trouble picking him out. Which you shouldn't, because he's also the only one not wearing mittens.)

His daddy got to walk alongside (wearing a shirt and antlers provided by the preschool) and hand out candy.

I got to sit in a nice warm wagon snuggling Ben and Hannah with some blankets and a good friend to keep me company and take our picture. (Man, I can't wait till I can smile with my mouth open again. I am getting really sick of that smirk.)

This was my favourite float. It looked even better in person.

And the grand finale. Santa Phil. Only in Yorkton does Santa ride down the street calling out to people by name and saying things like, "The kids are getting so big! Ho ho ho!"

Friday, November 26, 2010

Getting to Know Me

It's that time of day: The time of day when I realize midnight is coming, and either I'm relieved, because I've posted something I actually wanted to post, or I'm racking my brain trying to come up with something, ANYTHING to post.

And I've got nothing. Which is too bad for you, because last night on facebook I got tagged in one of those "answer all these random questions about yourself" things. And so I give you the ones I feel like answering. There are fifty all together, I wonder how many will end up on here?


Getting to Know You

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Uhhh... Sometime around eleven? I woke up at around nine, but Hannah and I like to hang around in my bed as long as possible in the mornings, and the boys were busy playing Nintendo, and yes, I did think to myself, "This is the life."

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Toy Story 3, I cried through almost the whole thing. That was an intense movie.

4. What is your favourite TV show?
Hmmm. This is way too hard to answer. The show that makes me the happiest right now is probably Modern Family. But seriously, I love TV, and our digital recorder has CHANGED MY LIFE. No more wasted time on commercials. No more stressing that I'm going to miss a show. And now I usually watch my shows during Hannah's nap time which is much more convenient than in the evenings. I love that thing.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
A private island someplace warm. There would be no people that I don't like. And no traffic. And we'd all have gold carts to drive around. And there would be no Tim Horton's and no Walmart. Yesssssssss. (But there would be digital recorders.)

9. Favourite Place to Eat?
If you know me at all, you know the answer to that question is, and forever will be... Taco Bell.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
A private island someplace warm. There would be no... You get the picture.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Empty.

15. Where would you want to retire?
See questions five and thirteen.
This reminds me of a camp story, which only Angerama Comin' Atcha and Scotty D. will remember, or possibly the campers who were subjected to "Scuttle Uh Rubbin Duh's, Angerama's and Beckerama's Craft House Rules". (Man, I wish I still had those.) That's all I'll say, because you really had to be there. It was funny though. Trust me. Or Ang or Scotty if you happen to know them. (Hi Mabel!)



16. Favourite time of day?
Nap time. Or bed time. LOL. That's terrible isn't it? And I do enjoy the children, I do! It's just, oh, how I love nap time.

18.What is your favourite sport to watch?
Live? Football. But only the Riders. On TV? Golf. I don't know why.

22. Bird watcher?
I'm going to post my friend Ashleigh's answer to this because it made me laugh and laugh:
"No. Large groups of birds kinda give me the creeps." Bahahahaha!

... But small groups are okay? Like, say, three ducks? Because a large group of them is bound to be involved in some kind of plot to pants you, or take over the world, or something.
Also: I love Canadian Geese. And pretty much all birds. LOVE THEM. But I don't have the patience that would be required to be an actual bird watcher.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A ballerina. I still kind of do.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Family trips. And camping. And swimming in the dugout. And band. I loved band. And Sweetums and Jynx. And playing Barbies with my friends. And going to Gramma and Grampa's house. And playing hide and seek in the long grass where the ball diamond is now, or building forts in the vacant lot down the back alley. And tobogganing. And that trip to the states with Mom and Ang and Gramma Newson. And walking home from school with Mikey. I had a fab childhood. I really did. I think that's one of the reasons why it hurts so much to have Dad gone, I wanted my kids to grow up just the way I did.

32. Any pet peeves?
Alot.

34. Favourite Flower?
Daisies.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once. BRUTALLY. I drove in the lane for oncoming traffic until the tester guy pointed it out, and almost took out a mailman. Those were the worst bits. The rest was equally horrific. I got ZERO points off on the next test though. Of course... It was around three years before I could get up the nerve to try again.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't know. Probably Home Depot. Unless there is a place like Home Depot that has toys and kid's clothes?

43. What was your favourite vacation?
This is SO hard, because I've had a lot of good ones. GREAT ones. But it would probably have to be our honeymoon, which was a houseboat on the Shuswaps. Although last summer's trip to Drumheller... And then of course all the camping trips at Ispuchaw... And Mexico. That was so great. So hard to pick.

45. What are you listening to right now?
Ben snoring. LOL. He had a bad dream, so he says anyways, and had to sleep in my bed.

46. What is your favourite color?
Green

48. Coffee drinker?
Starbucks. But that's not really coffee. It's nectar of the gods.

50. Who to tag?
Pfft. I don't know, we'll see if I tag anyone other than Ashleigh.

This post took me a whole half hour. Tomorrow's post is going to be SHORT. And probably really lame. Lamer than THIS. Just to warn you.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Slipped Away

I sort of wish this wasn't an Avril song. It would make it much easier to admit how much I like it. Well, "like" makes it sound like I enjoy it, like it makes me happy, which isn't exactly right, it makes me sad. Obviously.

I miss you,
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you,
Oh it's so sad.
I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly...

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same.

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand.
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't.

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up,
I keep asking why
And I can't take it.
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by.

Now you're gone,
There you go,
Somewhere I can't bring you back.

Now you're gone,
There you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back.

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same.
I miss you.

I wish someone, I don't know, maybe a grown-up, would redo it. Or maybe not, because maybe part of what makes it so beautiful is how childish it sounds. How lost. It was no surprise to find out she wrote it for her grandpa who died while she was away on tour, because it says exactly how it is and how it feels when someone you love is just gone... One minute there, the next minute not. And you almost have to convince yourself, to tell yourself over and over, that it really happened. And all you can say, all you are left with, is the missing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Dear Benjamin,

Today I am told that you are a child with a good heart who knows what is right, and does it. In the past I have worried that because you want so badly to please people that you will try to do it by acting in ways you know are wrong. I have worried that you would follow where you know you shouldn't. But I am told that you don't do that. I am told you take time to think about what you are doing and that you make your own choices. And I am told by you, and I've seen it myself, that sometimes you do things just to make sure that you don't make someone else feel sad. You care about how other people feel, sometimes more than you care for how you feel. You will do things that you believe are right, even if it's not something that you think is fun or even if you would rather be doing something else.

You are a special person Benjamin. You are often unselfish and compassionate. Those are two things that I wish I could be more often. You put others before you, but that doesn't mean you do what they want you to do without thinking about it first. Your heart is gentle and kind, but strong and honourable too. What more could I wish for you? What more could I wish from you?

I am so glad I get to be your Mom, and today your teacher! I get to watch you grow and succeed and shine, and I couldn't be prouder of who you are and who you are becoming. I love you all day all night all day all night all day all night... Times infinity. And then some.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Can't Think of a Title. Can You?

I'm subbing in Ben's class tomorrow. He is SO excited. Plus it's pizza lunch tomorrow, which I would have probably brought Sam and Hannah for anyways, but it just makes the day even more exciting for him. I'm surprised he managed to fall asleep tonight.

Sigh. Someday he won't want me subbing in his class. But for now he does, and we are both looking forward to a fantastic day together tomorrow.

That's all I have for tonight. Except this:


And now you know how it all ends. That duck is such a little jerk. (I censored that sentence. I wanted to call him something that starts with p and ends with a man's name that starts with r and rhymes with a baby farm animal that hatches from an egg, but doesn't swim in a pond and isn't also the name of an Eurasian country. I like to keep things family friendly around here, and if you're old enough to figure out what that word is you're old enough to hear it.)

And seriously, what would you call this post if you had to think of a title? Which you don't. Lucky you.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Oh Yeah, I Almost Forgot

As promised:



Bad Mood

Mad at the world today. I have lots of days like this. I walk around and see old people having coffee with their friends and feel mad. I see some guy driving a junker of a truck around, and he has white hair and the window cracked open and he's smoking, and I feel really mad. I saw this couple Christmas shopping for their grandchildren. Mad. Fuzzy Rider blanket in the mall. Furious. Maple leafs P.J. bottoms in Zellars. Mad. Status updates on facebook about this weekend's big game, even my own, make me angry. Cute picture of Hannah in her church clothes. Mad. The retired guy who lives across the street shovelling his already perfectly shovelled driveway. Really stinking MAD.

With a crap load of sad thrown in just for kicks.

And you know what? I'm having a good day compared to a lot of people who just lost loved ones in car accidents this weekend. Which somehow, just makes it all suck a little bit more.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hey... Got Any Grapes?


To be continued...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Eat Your Vegetables

I got nothin'.

So I'll tell you about how we've been punishing the children with vegetables lately...

The other day I didn't know what to make for supper, a common occurrence, so I made grilled cheese sandwiches and Campbell's vegetable soup. Which seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to expect children to eat.

You would have thought I offered them rat poison.

The crying. The wailing. And the gagging. GAGGING. It was completely over the top ridiculous. I admit, we don't force the boys to eat many veggies. Mostly, they just eat cucumbers and corn. And that's it. But I still didn't expect them to lose it because of some Campbell's soup. I used to love that stuff. Of course, I used to have to eat cooked peas for supper, or that veggie mix stuff. (I still hate that veggie mix. I never ever eat it.) So Campbell's the soup was like junk food to me.

So in a fit of rage, I declared that our family has a new policy. They WILL eat something they think is gross, but I think is healthy and reasonable for children to eat, once a day and things like corn and cucumbers don't count. AND they will eat it without crying and dragging out the process to last what seems like forever, or they will eat it again the next meal.

Imagine my surprise when they managed to choke down their gross veggies for three meals in a row now with almost no crying. Carrots and peas. And red peppers. Red peppers! Tomorrow Ben says he's going to eat mushrooms. For crying out loud.

Tomorrow I may break out the big guns: broccoli. If that doesn't make them cry, I don't know what will. (I love broccoli by the way, and have for as long as I can remember.) Because this little parenting exercise is no fun if they just suddenly start eating vegetables with no crying or excessive gagging. That would mean I could have done this ages ago.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Worth the Wait?

Well, I started working on this post well before midnight. So it still counts as Friday. Plus it's still Friday somewhere...

Something was going on with my video camera and I ended up having to upload all 576 videos from it onto my computer just to get at the one I wanted. And then I had to upload that one to YouTube. So it took longer than I'd planned for it to take. But I think Hannah is worth the wait. I had trouble picking which "take" to put up, because in an earlier one she sings a little louder and longer. And then in another one she gets very excited when the star takes the owl for a ride through the clouds... But she doesn't say "Bye bye stah." Or "All done." So I picked this one. Because you get a little of everything. She's just so cute though, that none of the videos can fully capture how sweet she is when she watches Twinkle Twinkle. Hope you like it. For most of you it will get pretty boring, but I'm putting it up mostly for Mom anyways, who is the only person who finds Hannah nearly as captivating as I do.



Thursday, November 18, 2010

If You Have Small Children...


Don't let them watch this. It's like crack cocaine to them. Hannah is in bed right now sobbing, "Stah! Stah! Bye bye stah! Stah... Stah... ... ... Stah. Stah. Stah? ... ... ... Stah. STAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"

I wonder how one would go about staging an intervention with a one year old?

"Hannah, we're all here because we love you. And we hate to see the way this obsession has changed you. It's all you think about. You don't want to play with any of your toys anymore. You won't eat. (Okay, you didn't eat before either, but that's not the point.) You can't even sleep at night because all you can think about is when you're going to get your next fix. And Hannah, when Twinkle Twinkle is causing a problem, maybe it is the problem. Help us help you Hannah. You have to let it go. Let the star go."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Fish Fries

Today I'm thinking about fish fries.

For some reason, I have in my head what I remember as our last fish fry with Dad. In the new screen kitchen that Roscoe tore a hole through. I only got one piece of fish, because Ben was hogging it all.

Sometimes, I wish I'd known it was the last _______, so that I could have cemented it into my memory a little better. Like, I wish I knew the last time I rode in the car alone with Dad was going to be the last time. So I could remember what we talked about. Or I wish I could remember the last trip to Canadian Tire, or ride in his truck, or the last thing he cooked for us, or the last TV show I watched with him, or the last story he read to the boys.

The last fish fry, I remember. Which is lucky. I also remember our last phone conversation, and our last hug. I suppose now that there are no new memories to make it's natural to want to lock all the old memories into my mind, to make sure I don't lose them the way we lost him. I took a lot of pictures and videos of Dad, but I wish I'd taken way more. I don't have enough memories, I still needed to make more.

I wish there were more fish fries with Dad ahead of us. I loved fished fries at the lake, and they'll never be as good as they were with him at the camp stove.

That's all.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Day in Links

Well, the day in photos isn't going to happen. I'm grumpy and I think I'm getting sick.

But so that we still get to compare and contrast here is a quick break down of the day with some corresponding links, just so that you don't feel jipped:

  • Spent the morning in bed watching Toopy and Binoo with Sam and Hannah, and trying to read my book.
  • Got a speeding ticket taking Sam to preschool.
  • Came home and ate cake for lunch to make up for missing it last night, and to cheer myself up while I wrote a cheque to pay the ticket.
  • Picked up Sammy, who learned some awesome Taekwondo moves and taught them to Hannah.
  • Picked up Glen from school, and took my new route home, avoiding all school zones because I am physically incapable of driving 40km/hr while teenagers speed past me.
  • Took a nap while Glen got the kids McDonald's for supper because our kitchen is a mess from renovating, and neither of us were in the mood to exert any energy making something the children won't eat anyways.
  • Watched some more Toopy and Binoo with Hannah in bed, while the boys played Nintendo, and Glen went to the Terriers hockey game to set up whatever it is he sets up for them.
  • Watched Raising Hope while eating microwaved McDonald's.
  • Wrote this post for nablopomo.
And there you have it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A Day in Photos

Woke up. Blah. Too early. I am not used to this and I don't like it.

Got up. Happily, my sick cousin Erika (who stayed the night to avoid more puking on the side of the highway) wasn't as sick as last night, so I rushed her out the door along with the children. She had to have her Timmies, so we stopped off there. While she ran in, because the drive thru was WAY too long, I ran into Booster Juice. Came out. No Erika. Ditched Erika with plans to meet on the highway. Then was ditched by Erika, and followed her to Regina, before saying goodbye at Balgonie. The drive, except for the places that were super foggy, looked like this:

Got to Regina. Barely on time. Dropped off the Ben and Sam and Hannah at Angerama's. I have no picture for that part, because I was in a big hurry.

Drove to the dentist. Again, no picture, well, actually lots of pictures were taken, but I didn't take them, and I wouldn't show them to you even if I had because no one wants to see close-ups of my teeth. (Or lack of teeth.)


Back to Ang's to get the children. No picture. Because I hadn't thought of this whole "Day in Photos" thing yet. I only have a picture of what the drive looked like because I wanted a picture of the fog. I think it was pretty.


Where was I? Oh yeah, at Ang's. Then it was off to Chuck E. Cheese. (Because I promised. That's why. Stop asking so many questions.) On the way I looked for a Fabricland, because I wanted to see if they had some fabric that they ran out of here in Dorkton. I didn't find one. I did, unfortunately (ha ha, kidding, we had a fab time) find Chuck E.'s. Here's what it looked like:

Jiminy Cricket! What the froink is that in the background? Oh for... Anyways. Back on the road. Because I seriously didn't notice that Fabricland till just now when I was cropping that photo, or we would have obviously gone there. How irritating is that? I'll tell you. Super irritating.

Where? Was? Oh yeah. On the road. The drive back mostly looked like this:

Not at all boring.

Got to Yorkton and stopped for some groceries, where Ben drove into the back of my foot with one of those tiny carts and it still hurts like crazy, and to exchange some belts I bought and didn't use for Halloween. I got a scarf. Ben got a new toque.


(He was so happy, but too bad for you, I didn't think of doing this post till after he was in bed sleeping... And so I have no... Wait. Hold on a sec. I'll be right back)

There he is:


Picked up Glen from school. Came home.

Got the boys ready for soccer and went to the Gallagher center for a quick supper. Ran into some friends who joined us in a fabulous meal of rink fries and chicken fingers. I couldn't eat it. My stomach was still rolling from the gross Chuck E. pizza. Bleck. But we had a nice visit.


Soccer. It looked like this:

(Sam loves coach Dale. I do too. He's the best.)

(Okay. I have to comment here too, because Sam has the BEST soccer kick in the whole world. He makes this "POOM!" sound whenever he kicks hard and his arms shoot straight back. It's so great. Ang, you would LOVE IT.)

(And just one more of Sam. He posed like this on his own. I don't even think he knows what that finger sign means, he just did it spontaneously. I love him.)

(And here's Ben, who had a great time tonight. I don't get nearly so many pictures of him because I don't have to stay on the "field" during his practice like I do with Sammy. And because he runs all over the place "like a maniac", Sam's description, and getting a shot of him from the stands is nearly impossible. One of these days though, when I make Glen come to sit with Sam during Ben's practice, I will get a whole bunch. Did I explain that Sam has practice first, then Ben? Yes. He does. They do.)

Then back home. The kids are snacked and storied and in bed in record time so that I can play with Hannah, cook some meat before it spoils (I saved it for supper t
omorrow, it's way too late for cooking spaghetti), make Ben's lunch, have a bath, facebook, and write this post. I think I'm going to have McCain cake for supper. I would take a picture, but I don't want to shock anyone with the size of the piece I intend to cut for myself.

(I'm going to do this post again tomorrow, as sort of a compare and contrast type of thing.)

(My foot really hurts.)


(The cake will make it better.)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Girl Things

You know what? Having a girl is in every way even better than I hoped it would be. Especially when I can take Hannah Banana to the mall with my friend and her little girl. And we can look at girl things, and buy girl things, and dress them the same, and get them "best friend" necklaces... Oh man. That was WAY too much fun.

And we get to do it all again next weekend, because that's when Natalie says they're coming back. (Ronda? That's okay with you right?)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Timlight Zone

My plan was to post this story today. And laugh and laugh at how American's are smarter than Canadians. At least when it comes to coffee.

But then the weirdest thing happened today.

I already mentioned this, but my friend Ronda (from high school!) and her daughter are here visiting (yay!) for the weekend, and she just HAD to have her Timmies. So I packed some provisions (food, water, books, pillows) for the wait in the drive thru and when we got there...

THERE WERE ONLY TWO CARS IN LINE!

It took like, FIVE MINUTES! FROM START TO FINISH!!!!! Unbelievable. Seriously, I could not believe it. It felt like we had somehow slipped into another dimension or something, because, I swear I have never driven by that drive thru with less than, I don't know, five cars? And the average has to be at LEAST ten.

Unbelievable. Ronda is getting a very good impression of Dorkton. She keeps exclaiming, everywhere we go, "I can't believe you guys have a (fill in the blank)!"

Plus I made her a fantastic stir-fry for supper and Ang's World Famous Caramel Corn for night snack. Yesssssssssss. I am telling you, I am a fabulous hoster.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Whoops.

It's a little past midnight. That's okay though, I can change the time in the post settings. And really, I'm still awake, so for me it's still Friday.

I got nothing.

My friend Ronda and her adorable daughter are here for the weekend. Ronda and I have big plans to sit on the couch with our laptops and watch movies. BIG plans. We already went to Walmart and Superstore. I'm telling you, this is going to be one WILD weekend.

It's not a good idea to eat chips over top of a laptop, by the way.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Heroes

The other day I posted about a man in a wheel chair who stood up for what was right. He saw what needed to be done, and he did it. No excuses, no second thoughts, no looking around to see if there might be someone else better equipped to do the job. That's what made him a hero.

And that's exactly what makes, and what made, so many soldiers and civilians heroes... All those who stand up for the freedoms we enjoy every day.



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Ack!

It's almost midnight! How does this keep happening?

Okay. Here's the post.

Uh...

I got nothing. I'm gonna go back to watching my movie.

This still counts.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

What a Guy!


I saw this on the news tonight. A couple times. I love it. I especially love the raw footage at the end of this that show him wheeling up with so much determination and single-minded purpose. That guy saw what needed to be done, and he did it. No excuses, no second thoughts, no looking around to see if there might not be someone else better equipped to do the job.

Why can't I be more like that?

(Here is a link to another story about him that I liked. It tells a bit more about who he is, and I liked the interview with him a little better...)

Monday, November 08, 2010

Shark Boy: Mutant Child Rises from the Depths of the Ocean

Wa? That title makes no sense. Becky has obviously completely lost all touch with reality due to the constant blogging. Oh, but it does make sense. Just you wait. It makes a horrible shocking sense, that I can barely stand to think about. (Well, maybe it's not quite that bad. I guess.)

So anyways, today Ben was reading to me and I happened to glance down at him and, "What the hoink is that in his mouth behind his teeth?" And do you know what was there? Adult teeth. Growing in behind his baby teeth!


I didn't think of taking a picture at the time, but this should give you the idea:

Okay. It wasn't QUITE that bad. That's a shark. Obviously. But that's the first thing I thought of when I saw that tiny white tooth poking out of his gums in a spot that (it seemed to me anyways) no tooth (on a human being anyways) should be.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who has had this thought when faced with the horrible reality of my child being a mutant shark-type creature.
Check out this hilarious blog post written by a mom about her own shark child.

And, apparently, this whole second row of teeth thing isn't that uncommon. (Even though, seriously, have you EVER heard of this? I haven't.)

And, apparently, my second thought, which was that his baby teeth will probably have to be pulled and once that happens the new teeth should move into the spots where they're supposed be, is pretty much right.

So, deep calming breaths till I talk to my cousin the dentist tomorrow.

Ben is stoked though. The baby tooth in front of the adult tooth that is the furthest out is a little loose, and he's heard all about the tooth fairy from all his friends. So he took my request that he wiggle it as much as possible, very well.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Where No One Barfs on Me

Hannah's been sick the last two days. She barfed all over the Walmart McDonald's yesterday. The whole restaurant went completely silent while she retched and cried. And Glen wasn't there. And while I ran to grab more napkins to clean up with she barfed again. It splashed all over the place. And then there were all the appalled looks that I tried to ignore while I wiped up all the vomit, and packed up my puke covered baby and miraculously un-puked-on food, and begged the boys to "Please, put your coats on. No we can't stay, Hannah's sick. Yes, Mommy will bring your food home, you carry your drinks." Parenting can be so humiliating sometimes.

So what does the pukey smelling mom on the go do for fun? She comes home and takes a bath to get rid of all the puke, and she settles her feverish baby onto her lap, and gets out her laptop to dress up in nice outfits on facebook. I even get my hair done. It's fabulous. And see that up there? One of my outfits even won first place!

Ah, I love cyberspace... It's so clean and pretty, and no one pukes on you, and you don't ever have to go to McDonald's again.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

It's a Post

Holy smokes! Only nine minutes!

Uhhhhhhh....

I've got nothing.

I've been thinking about Dad a lot today. Last night I cut the boys hair, and so this morning when I got in the tub there were all these little short hairs there. It reminded me of visiting Dad in the hospital once and thinking he'd shaved or something because there were all these little hairs all over him, and then I realized it had fallen out, not been shaved off. It was always hard to forget he was sick and easy to forget he was sick at the same time. Well, maybe not easy, but if you work hard enough at something after a while it becomes habit, and you hardly have to try at all.

I miss him. I've been fantasizing about hugging him all day. Oh I miss him. I would do almost anything to just be able to hug him. Maybe pet his hair a little. I miss him.

And the other thing on my mind is my cousin Jen's baby Elliot who has not had an easy time of it since he was born premature. He's been in and out of the hospital since he was born, on a feeding tube, and now back in the hospital again, and needing oxygen to be be comfortable. So pray for him and his family. It's been a lot.

I wish I was a magic fairy godmother and I could just fix things. It would be... So good.

That's all I can manage for tonight.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Calling All Inventors

All right, for today's post I'm going to tell you about two things that I see a great need for, and think that one of you should invent. And then give me a cut of your profits, since I thought of it in the first place. They are in NO way inspired by recent events.

#1 Silent pencil sharpener. Nothing disrupts a nice, quiet classroom like a loud pencil sharpener. Or even worse, a loud, electric pencil sharpener. Those things are just WAY too much fun, so it should also be somehow painful, or tedious to operate, so that the children aren't lining up one after the other because: "My lead broke! I don't know how! I wasn't pressing hard! I didn't do it on purpose!" (Yeah right, tell it to someone else kid. Momma didn't raise no fool.)

#2 Some kind of visor or mask for children to wear while you cut their hair. Because for the love of all that's good and peaceful and lovely in this world, we all get sick of hearing: "It's getting in my eyes! My nose is itchy! Ah!!!! It's on my face!" (If you'd stop whining and trying to get away from me this would take a lot less time, and you'd look a lot less weird when I'm done with you.)

#3 Child proof Kleenex box. No explanation necessary.

That's all I can think of right at this moment, but I know there's more. I'm telling you, my brain is a gold mine! Gold I tell you, GOLD!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Ack. I almost forgot a title.

Whoops! I still have to write something. That's the thing about nablopomo, it's easy to feel like you've just posted, because you've just posted. Just not today, apparently.

Not yet anyways... And so I give you this:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/101103/canada/canada_montreal_horton_traffic_pierrefonds

Pfft.

What else is new? Yorkton's stupid Tim Horton's drive-thru is ALWAYS lined up onto the street. I think I can think of two times it wasn't. Canada Day, 2010... And that one time that all the power in Yorkton went out for an hour or so. (And I went driving around that day, just because it looked weird with EVERYTHING in the dark, except for Superstore which was somehow blazing like a beacon in a... Where was I? Oh yeah, I went driving around that time and there was one lunatic parked there, waiting for who knows what. Sheesh.)

I can NOT, for the life of me, (what exactly does that mean anyways, for the life of me?) understand why anyone would wait in a drive-thru line for 20 minutes for stupid Tim Horton's coffee. (And it doesn't help to go inside. You'll probably wait even longer, although, then you won't end up parked on the street irritating me.) It's not that good people. It's not. Actually, nothing is. I wouldn't even wait 20 minutes for Starbucks, and if you know me at all, you know how I feel about my mocha frappucinos.

Anyways. I hate that dumb drive-thru. Every time I drive past it, which is a lot because it's right by Superstore. (Blazing like a beacon, come what may, I know what that means, come what may, that one makes sense.) If I was dictator of the Canada I would get rid of all Tim Horton's drive-thrus, or I'd make a law that says they can only be built at least 4km out of city limits, just so I don't have to look at, and drive around, all the pathetic Timmies addicts wasting their lives in the Tim Horton's drive-thru.

(Wanna know something else that is incredibly irritating? When well-meaning EA's totally, and I mean TOTALLY, take over in a class you're subbing in and you're left standing there watching them like you're an intern, after giving up on trying to retake control because it's just making you feel and look even dumber than you already do. Of course, that never happens to me, not even today. Obviously. Argh.)

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Dear Becky,

Sheila remembers being a kid and thinking that 2000 was soooooooooooo far away and that it was supposed to be in the way future with spaceships being a common form of travel.

I laughed when I read that. It reminded me of being in high school and sitting at our computer with the black screen and white writing and figuring out how old I'd be when the year 2000 rolled around. (Twenty four.) And then I wrote a letter to myself on the computer with the black screen and white writing and saved it for future Becky to read in the year 2000.

Now don't get all excited here. I'm not about to post that letter for all of us to laugh at. I have no idea where it is, or what it said. I just remember writing it and thinking how profound I was.

So, to make up for the missing letter from the past, I've decided to write past Becky a letter from the future, because I'm sure time travel is just around the corner and I'll be able to send it to her any day now, and I have some pretty important things I'd like to get off my chest. (Ha ha. Don't worry, you'll get the joke in a bit.)

Dear Becky from the past,

This is future Becky here. Really it is. (If you don't believe me wait till your driver's license goes missing and then go look in the closet in a pencil case in the upstairs bedroom. You know where I'm talking about.) Anywho, I have some things to tell you, so listen up.

First, he doesn't like you. He will never like you, and even if he did, he would drive you completely crazy within a month or so, or he'd dump you for someone prettier and way out of his league before you know it, so give it up now. You know who I'm talking about.

Second, your boobs will do that too. I know you think that only boobs in African countries look like that, but the fact is that the only reason you don't see white people's boobs looking like that is because their boobs aren't usually out in the open wandering around in front of someone with a camera from National Geographic. It's not because white people's boobs are naturally more perky, and it's not even because there are no bras out there. So enjoy those boobs while you can, because trust me, they won't last.

Third, warming up your feet by holding them over a lantern in a tent is NOT a good idea. Neither is sleeping with your pillow near an open fire. In general, it's best for you to stay away from any sort of open flame or hot surface.

Fourth, ah... What's the point? We both know you won't listen to me anyways. Just remember what I said about the boobs. I know it's not something you want to hear, but it's best that you know what's coming so you can prepare for it.

All my love from the future,
Future Becky

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Dell Can Byte Me

On this, the second day of nablopomo, I was going to write a post inspired by Sheila's first nablopomo post this year, but I have something else on my mind, so I'll save that post for later.

What's on my mind? It's a long story, and I'd probably better start at the beginning...

Once upon a time there was a little princess with bright red hair on her head and mischief in her heart. One cold and windy day princess Hannah with the bright red hair and mischief in her heart went for a drive with her mommy who had plain brown hair and just finding a few seconds of peace in her heart. And when she arrived home, princess Hannah with mischief in her heart took advantage of the few seconds her mommy took to hang up her bright pink coat to pour Diet Pepsi into her mommy's pretty green laptop.

Oh no! Her mommy rushed to the laptop to turn it off and unplug it and pull out the battery and flip it over. Then her mommy grabbed an absorbent towel to sop the Pepsi out of the keyboard, before taking the laptop to the sink and running tap water into it. (Why? Because she had no distilled water, that's why.) Then her mommy dried off the keyboard again and turned it upside down over top of a heating vent, where she left it for a little over a week.

And when princess Hannah's mommy with plain brown hair and hope in her heart finally turned the green laptop back on... It worked! Perfectly! Except for the keyboard. (Why? Because somewhere in the middle of the steps listed above, princess Hannah's mommy gave into her impatient nature and turned on her laptop just to see what would happen, that's why. And she fried the keyboard, or the part of it that plugs into the motherboard anyways.)

So princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair and sadness in her heart did some research online.
After that, she talked to a minion from the evil Kingdom of Dell, where the pretty green laptop had been rescued from not so long ago. And the ignorant minion from the Kingdom of Dell told princess Hannah's mommy that she would have to pay FIVE HUNDRED golden coins to heal the beautiful green laptop. (Which is almost what it cost to rescue the laptop in the first place.) The minion insisted that the only thing that could be done was to replace the motherboard.

This enraged princess Hannah's mommy with plain brown hair on her head and a deep burning rage in her heart. Why? Because a while back, when the pretty green laptop had a broken power jack, another minion had told her that the only thing that could be done was to replace the motherboard for, you guessed it, five hundred golden coins. This was proved to be false by princess Hannah's fabulous uncle, Dale the Clever, when he fixed the power jack with a part that was purchased from the Kingdom of Ebay for only fifteen golden pieces plus another three golden pieces for shipping.

So, after she told off the most recent ignorant minion, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair and rage in her heart went back to the Kingdom of Ebay and spent the trifling sum of twenty golden pieces (including shipping) to buy a new keyboard. Then she waited.

Which was easier said than done. As mentioned earlier in our story, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair has NO patience in her heart, and suffered greatly every day as she used an on-screen keyboard to painstakingly conduct her daily correspondence and tend to her many kingdoms scattered across the empire:

Oh, the humanity!

After many days of excruciating torture, the new keyboard finally arrived. And a few brief minutes later, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair on her head and victory in her heart, who isn't NEARLY as skilled as Dale the Clever, with no training at all and only a how to page to guide her, was gleefully typing on her new working keyboard.

And the moral of the story is, never buy a Dell, and if you do, don't bother calling tech support if something goes wrong, because you're WAY better off without them. Unless you actually do need a new motherboard, because I think they can do that, lol. (Although, I found some in the Kingdom of Ebay for much cheaper than they were offering... So... ???)

AND what do you think princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair on her head and VENGEANCE in her heart will be doing tomorrow? If you guessed calling, and then emailing Dell, you guessed right. Because princess Hannah's mommy is in the mood for a little fun, yes she is.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Nablopomo

Still have no working keyboard. This may be the lamest nablopomo ever.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

A Year


Missing you. And thinking of where you are and what you are doing and seeing... And reminding myself that this endless wait is not as endless as it seems.

Monday, October 04, 2010

About Me

We all have things we hate about ourselves. One of the things I've hated for a long time is how emotional I am. I hate it that I cry when I get mad. It's humiliating. I also hate it that I cry (I've actually done this) at school assemblies when I'm subbing... Just because the children are so sweet. It's humiliating. I also hate how when I'm sad I cry A LOT. And I can't stop it.

I've had people call me a baby. And not just when I was in elementary school, or high school... In my adult life. When I was younger I always imagined that once I was older I'd be able to control my emotions better. I was so wrong. I still seem to have no control over when or where or why I cry. It's humiliating. I feel like a baby. Like I never grew up. And I often feel that it is a burden to the people who love me best. I hate that too.

The other day I was thinking about this email that I sent my dad last October 4th, (I am SO glad I sent it in time) and I remembered that he sent me one too a long time ago, before he was ever sick, back in that time that seems like a dream now, it really does. So I looked through the hundreds of emails in my inbox that had the words "John Braun" in them (you wouldn't think there would be so many, but all of the comments on the John Braun page come to my inbox) till I found the one I was thinking of. The subject line said "About You".

I didn't want to send this on your comments page. That sounds like I don't want
people to know how I feel about you, but that is not true. There are a couple of
things you left out in your "about me" section of your blog site.
You are also to quick to love, you wear your heart on your sleeve, you are
sometimes to quick to accept people without knowing them. You will help out
other people sometimes instead of doing something for yourself. Most people are
not so quick to give their love nor are they quick to forgive, which you are. A
person like you needs to have thick skin, which you don't. There-by, you are
easily hurt.
Let God knock off the sharp edges and the rough spots in your life, we all need
that, but do not look to change "Becky" into something she isn't. As your dad I
am proud of who you are, I am proud of the things you have accomplished. You are
many things to a lot of different people. You are a wife and lover to Glen.
(hard for a dad to write that word about his daughter, but easier to write than
say). You are a mother and so many things to my number 1 grandson. Your are a
sister, sister-in-law, aunty, teacher, freind, daughter and I can't think of
them all.
I love you and think you do a pretty good job at all of these things.
There is a lot more I could say and I will as my thoughts come to me, but right
now it is twenty after four and I need to go wash-up so I can go home with a
clean face.
Love
dad


If he had sent it as a comment on my blog it would have gone with this post, and a little while after he sent it he sent me another. The subject line was "crap crap crap crap crap". (Oh man. Just writing that makes me miss him SO much.)

Mom and I just got back from grocery shopping and driving along the road on the way home I realized that the note I sent you was nothing but a load of crap. Well, there were a few things in it that I think were accurate. Like you having a big heart and giving it freely, that's true. But the part about you getting hurt easy because of the way God made you is nothing but bunk. You hurt quicker than me but that is only because I have thicker skin than you do. You are not to blame though for getting hurt. That's like saying it is the British people's fault for having their subway bombed because they stood up against tyranny and genocide in Iraq. Sometimes as family we lash out at the ones we love the most. We would not think of saying the same things to casual acquaintances or people we just met, and yet because these are people we share everything with we think it gives us license to say whatever we want and to hell with the consequences. ( don't let Ben read this) I don't know when the time is right but lets drag those lumps out from under the carpet and really destroy them, not just flatten them enough so we don't trip on them anymore. I can be such a dummy sometimes.

I'm not sure Dad had a thicker skin than I do. Maybe. He sure didn't cry as often as I do. All I know is he understood me better than almost anyone in the world, probably because we are a lot alike. And there's something else too. Something I've been learning this year, sort of.

I like the emotional people in my life. A lot. Some of my very favourite people, including my dad, could be called over-emotional at certain times in their lives. Maybe the reason I like them is because they're like me, or maybe I like them because there are some really beautiful qualities that come with being really emotional... Things like empathy, and generosity, and honesty, and a heart that is open and tender. Ben is like that. I love those things about him. Eliisha is like that too. She is one of the most compassionate and giving people I know. Because she is sensitive herself, she is also sensitive to what the people around her are feeling.

And my dad had that same sort of heart. Passionate and loving and generous. I'm starting to think that it is a terrible thing to hate in myself all those qualities that I admired and loved most about my dad.

I love these emails he sent me. I love how he quickly sent the first one off before he left work, I love picturing him in his office there, in his coveralls probably, typing away and then sending it before he left and picked up Mom. I love how he thought he had botched it all up, and then the subject line... I love that subject line. Probably because I've been there a million times, us emotional people tend to spout off and then regret it later. And he had no reason to regret it. The things he said in that first email... I have no words. I'll just say that I know how lucky I am to have something like that from my dad. I know there are many people who would kill to hear anything like that from their fathers, and they never get it.

My dad made me feel lucky. And loved. And accepted for who I was. Oh, not all the time. Sometimes he ticked me off like no one else could. But I wouldn't change a thing about him, and I know he would roll his eyes if he heard me say something like that. I know he thought he had a lot to change... I think I have a lot to change too. I do have a lot to change, but I'm starting to understand that some of those things that I've been trying my whole life to change are the things that make me "Becky", and they are the things that my dad loved best about me.

I miss him so much.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

What's Up

I thought I'd give you a quick rundown of what's been going on around here. Just because my plan was to get back to blogging.

  • My other plan was to make a quilt for Ben this week. They get these patches in Beavers that are just "fun" patches that don't go on their uniforms. Their leader suggested us moms could sew the extra patches onto a favourite blanket. Of course, I have to take it over the top as usual, and I want to make him a cute camping quilt to sew the patches on. That was my plan anyways.
  • I have no laptop right now. Hannah poured Diet Pepsi into the keyboard and I'm waiting for it to dry. Actually, I'm waiting for the water I poured into to it to rinse out the Diet Pepsi to dry. It's been a week now. I'm scared to turn it back on.
  • Ben is wearing a tie to school pictures tomorrow. I bought a new sweater for him to wear, but he wants to wear his shirt and tie. I love him.
  • Hannah's new phrase is "Go away." Yesterday when she talked to Ang on the phone that's all she said. "Go away." Ha ha! Classic.
That's pretty much it. Except for this:
  • This is the worst September ever. I would have said last year was, because it was so stressful and I was so worried about Dad, but at least he was here for me to worry about. I miss him more every day. Today Hannah did something sort of cute and all I wanted was to be able to call him to tell him about it. It was the kind of thing that everyone else would think was boring. But Dad wouldn't. Living through this whole year without him is complete crap, but even thinking about living the whole rest of my life without him is much crappier.
That's it.