Friday, January 08, 2010

Birthdays

Two years ago Dad spent his birthday in the hospital. That was a hard day for me. For all of us, but we hoped that there would be plenty of birthdays still coming that would make up for it.

Last year everyone went out for Dad's brithday, but not us, because we were stuck in stupid Yorkton. That was hard for me. But I made myself feel better by ordering him an expensive present and telling myself that there would be other birthdays to make up for it.

Obviously, today is so much harder, that there are really no words. But it feels like I need to mark it somehow. Not just let it go by without saying anything, which was my initial intention. So I looked back at old birthday posts...

January 8, 2009 (From Ben) (From Sam)
January 8, 2008
January 8, 2007
January 8, 2006

... And they kind of say it. But not. Because of course, as much as I tried, they didn't really say it then either.

I still ask myself every day, "How did this happen?" And today I add to that a sinking feeling in my chest every time I think about what I wanted, what ALL of us wanted, January 8, 2010 to be.