Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Fish Fries

Today I'm thinking about fish fries.

For some reason, I have in my head what I remember as our last fish fry with Dad. In the new screen kitchen that Roscoe tore a hole through. I only got one piece of fish, because Ben was hogging it all.

Sometimes, I wish I'd known it was the last _______, so that I could have cemented it into my memory a little better. Like, I wish I knew the last time I rode in the car alone with Dad was going to be the last time. So I could remember what we talked about. Or I wish I could remember the last trip to Canadian Tire, or ride in his truck, or the last thing he cooked for us, or the last TV show I watched with him, or the last story he read to the boys.

The last fish fry, I remember. Which is lucky. I also remember our last phone conversation, and our last hug. I suppose now that there are no new memories to make it's natural to want to lock all the old memories into my mind, to make sure I don't lose them the way we lost him. I took a lot of pictures and videos of Dad, but I wish I'd taken way more. I don't have enough memories, I still needed to make more.

I wish there were more fish fries with Dad ahead of us. I loved fished fries at the lake, and they'll never be as good as they were with him at the camp stove.

That's all.

2 comments:

  1. I was thinking the same thing the other day. I wished I had known that when we said goodbye when he left for Seattle, that it would possibly be the last hug, I would have hugged him longer. I would have told him what I was really feeling. Like he was one of the best brothers EVER! and how much I admire him and that would miss him. But instead we both kept a stiff upper lip and said see you later.
    Maybe it was somewhat better this way. who knows. There was just so much more I wanted to say and share with him.
    I guess we just never know how much time we have with the people we love.
    SO on that note I just want to say how much I love you Becky. I think you are an amazing person (in all the roles you fill).

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  2. Now that I live further from my parents and my in-laws, I get really scared that I'll get that phone call we all dread, that something awful happened, and they are gone. I am scared that I will not remember the "last time" or that I didn't cherish the moments with them enough. But I have to somehow let that fear go...

    Praying for you today.

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