Saturday, February 11, 2012

Time Travel

I often find myself wishing, with everything in me, that I was a time traveller. It's ridiculous, but I think about it all the time. For obvious reasons, like hugs from people I miss, and those not so obvious...

Tonight I'm thinking of a phone call I wouldn't have answered. And you know, it was against the law to answer it anyways because I was driving... Happily driving along, chatting with my kids about happy things. Kind of excited to hear the phone ring. Happier when I saw the call display, because it was someone who I liked talking to.

I find, that I am often at my worst when I am happy, REALLY happy, before one of life's stormy interactions hit. Do you find that? Has that ever happened to you? One minute you're happily driving along with no idea a storm is right there around the corner, and when it arrives, (or you arrive in it) there aren't any dark clouds on the horizon to warn you. There are no little intermittent drops of rain on your windshield. Your window is open, there's a song you like playing on the radio, a warm breeze wafts across your face...

And then the downpour hits. It's so cold, you gasp from the shock. And before you know it you can hardly see, it's pouring down so hard, and you're shouting just to be heard.

And it's no excuse, but in those situations, I am often at my very worst. I can rarely look back on those times and say to myself, "I handled myself really well there. I said what should have been said, and I don't regret even one of my actions." Those are the times I hate how emotional I am. Those are the times I hate how I am. Sometimes who I am.

And sure, that sudden storm had a lot to do with it. No one likes to be dumped on, especially on a nice sunny day. And not very many of us are able to smile serenely and calmly go about our business when we don't even have time to brace ourselves first. All of us would rather be prepared ahead of time with an umbrella, or maybe even a way to stay inside and not get wet at all.

But of course, life isn't like that, is it? Sometimes there are warning signs for us to see, telling us to pack an umbrella, or to plan to read inside instead of at the park. But every now and then the storm comes without warning, seemingly out of nowhere. (I say seemingly, because the truth is that a storm, no matter how sudden, still needs some time and the right conditions to brew. It has to start somewhere after all. Even if we aren't aware of it.)

If only you and I were time travellers... We could go back and warn ourselves. We could make sure we're ready, REALLY ready. Or, even better, we could just totally avoid the whole storm. And not answer the phone.

And of course, snatch a couple hugs while we're at it.

(Yes. I am fully aware that I am living in a fantasy world and that it is not helping anything to wish for something that just isn't going to happen. We can talk about that tomorrow if you like.)