Monday, June 10, 2013

I Don't Get It

So.

I want to finish this story. I thought I actually had. It went like this: A bunch of crap happened between my mom and me. I got mad. I told off my mom and Dave. I said something I shouldn't have. She wrote me a horrible letter. She said stuff she shouldn't have. I burned it. She said she just wanted to live in peace and I was okay with that. Done.

Then she called Gramma. My dad's mom. And she continued her efforts to drag the past into the present by telling gramma the things she'd told me in the letter and then some. She also made sure to explain to my gramma how awful I've been. And then she told my gramma all... ALL of the things I'd ever told my mom about my marriage in confidence, years ago when things were at their worst. Things I haven't told other people. Not just things about me. Things about Glen.

She also called my aunt. And I...

I mean, why?

What could possibly motivate a person to do something so hurtful? I have a few theories, but honestly, none of them seem to answer that question as thoroughly as I'd like.

I just...

WHY? And how? How could she possibly justify telling a mother who's lost her son things like that? Who does that?

(And let's be clear here. Those things, whether true or not, happened more than 25 years ago. Those things happened before he turned his life over to Jesus. Those things were put as far as the east is from the west by God years and years ago. Those things do not, in ANY way, change who I knew my dad to be or how I feel about him. I need to put that out there. I know you all know it, but I needed to say it anyway.)

Since my mom met Dave I've told her off three times. I'd like to be able to say (like Ang can) that I talked to her instead of told her off, but there it is. I know she thinks that I'm acting like a spoiled child having a temper tantrum because I can't get my own way, but even if that were true... Even if all the things she has accused me of and blamed me for are actually all my fault...

Still. Why?

I got why she sent me her letter. She was out to prove a point, and get me back. In a twisted way, it made some sense. But that begs the question... Why my gramma? Why my aunt?

And why the Glen stuff? What could she possibly hope to gain?

I'm baffled. I was hurt, but now I'm mostly just totally and completely gobsmacked. I really have no idea who she is now, I really and truly don't. I also don't know if I'll ever send the letter I've been working on for a week now. There doesn't seem to be much of a point. I can't find the words anymore.

2 comments:

  1. :( Anything I can think of to say sounds so trite. I'm so sorry this is all happening. Love you and I'm praying for you.

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  2. What Cindi said. Wow. I am so sorry once again. And now I am sorry for your Auntie and your Grandma. Oh my goodness.

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