Monday, November 09, 2015

Two Words: Messy and Missing

I'm a bit of a mess today. And I just kind of want my daddy. I've often said that I'm okay, that really, I just need him for my kids. But every now and then I want my dad for just me.

I think I'd be emotional today anyways, I'm having a breast reduction on Thursday, which is a big deal. I'm freaking out. I'm always pretty certain, in times like these, that things are going to go horribly wrong and I'm going to die. My head can explain in very clear terms why I'm being silly, but I don't believe it.

And I know what would have happened if I'd done this ten years ago. Mom and Dad would have come to stay a week. Mom would have cooked and cleaned and taken care of me and watched reality TV with me and kept me company. Dad would have probably fixed my fence and put up some trim and played with the kids and taken naps on the couch with his book open on his chest. I shouldn't think about it, but when I do, it makes me so sad.

And I'm a lucky lucky girl, because my sister is coming. Even though I've told her a few times I'll be okay, she knows I'm delusional and she's coming to take care of me. So I'll be okay. She'll do all of those things except the fix-it stuff, plus eat my sunflower seeds and drink my booze. And she's bringing my Becca.

But I'm still a bit of a mess over the whole thing.

So of course our van broke down to send me over the edge today. And Glen and I have no idea what to do about it. Which makes me want my dad. Because if he was alive he'd be coming this week anyways, and he'd put a space heater in our garage and try to figure out how to keep the stupid thing running just a little bit longer. Maybe there'd be duct tape.

....

Ang called. I feel better. She's bringing Gramma's potato salad and has plans to make borscht. (But if you think of it, send a prayer my way for super early in the morning on Thursday. I'm pretty nervous. And pray that we can get our van going again, because we can't afford a new one right now.)

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you even now!! And your van!!! I have so been there!! Mine has to make it 2 more weeks and every time I get in I'm scared it won't last!!

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  2. Oh Becky, praying for you in so many ways. Heartache is so hard sometimes. May you feel loved and comforted. And may you have peace - God loves you and He's going to take care of you and everything is going to be all right. Shalom.

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