Wednesday, November 30, 2016

I Made It

... And I'd post the usual celebratory YouTube video, but I have no idea how to do that on my phone. So this is it, probably for another year. It's over!!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Break Up

WHY!?!?! Why can these two not just get it together?


They better freaking get. it. together next season. Because come ON. "Never in sync" is not a good enough reason. I'm so annoyed right now.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Iritis Math

Because I'm grumpy, and just out of curiosity...

Pred Forte
2 weeks at 1 drop/hour = 14 x 24 = 336
2 weeks at 1 drop/2 hours = 14 x 12 = 168
1.5 weeks at 1 drop/3 hours = 10 x 8 = 80
1 week at 1 drop/4 hours = 7 x 6 = 36
1 week at 1 drop/6 hours = 7 x 4 = 28
4 days at 1 drop/8 hours = 4 x 3 = 12
1 week at 1 drop/ 12 hours = 7 x 2 = 14
1 week at 1 drop/day = 7

Homatropine
plus 10 weeks of 3 drops/day = 70 x 3 = 210

Glaucoma Drops
plus 3 weeks of 3 drops/day = 21 x 3 = 63

Awesome. That means I probably only have to put in eye drops around 954 more times, and go to the eye doctor 20 or so times to fix this next iritis flare up. And here I thought it was a thousand and dozens.

(Actually, my right eye usually responds to the steroids much better than my left eye, so it shouldn't be as bad. I'm just really discouraged, and super annoyed, and have no room in my life for a positive outlook.)

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Four

Holy smokes I'm tired. Why am I so tired???

I don't think I should have to write a new post because I posted this on facebook:

This is for you Clucky:

😆Four names I go by:
1. Becky
2. Mommy (Ben and I had a talk, and he's working on switching to calling me Mom instead. We think he's too old for Mommy. So far he hasn't remembered even once. lol)
3. Mrs. Willems
4. and when they can't remember Mrs. Willems, "Teacher"

🏠Four places I've lived:
1. Dorkton
2. Martensville
3. Saskatoon
4. Regina

💻Four things I love to watch on TV
1. Everything

🌎Four places I have visited:
1. Denita's house
2. I like to go to the beach

🍴Four things I love to eat:
1. Pie
2. Nachos
3. GARDEN CUCUMBERS
4. Gramma's pickles and borscht

Four of my favourite drinks:
1. Iced Tea
2. Starbucks Mocha Frappucino
3. Caesars
4. Girly cocktails

🏁Four people I hope will respond:
1. I don't care

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Pickled

Look what Pearl got to help me look after her kids next week. This is going to be easy.


Friday, November 25, 2016

This Is The Recital That Never Ends... Yes It Goes On And On My Friends

Tonight was the annual Canadian Showcase piano recital in Yorkton. They bring in a Canadian composer who gives a mini-concert, and then students play and are adjudicated. Sounds fun right? No? Let me tell you, it's even less fun than it sounds. For once, I wasn't even a little mad that Glen kept almost falling asleep and I had to keep poking him awake... everyone was almost falling asleep. I loaned him my kobo to help him stay awake, which was very generous of me, because it meant I had nothing to amuse myself with. (Hannah had my phone.) It was nice to hear the kids play, and the pianist was really talented and nice, but the adjudicating just went on forever.

Sam really enjoyed himself. (Other than the aforementioned endless adjudicating.) He loved the mini-concert, and was super excited to get the music book we bought him signed by the composer. It's actually a really neat book. She wrote it to be like a choose-your-own-adventure. The songs tell a story, and you get the choice at the end of each one where to go next. Sam is pretty excited to play through it, and has warned Ben that he and he alone will get to use the checklist at the back to keep track of his adventures.

Ben was super nervous. I thought he sounded great, and I actually loved the way the adjudicator helped him with his song afterwards... too bad it took two hours of sitting through very little music, and tons and tons of listening to her talk to other kids first. AND the people whose kids were in the first group all got up and left once their kids were done, which seemed unfair since we had to sit through their dumb kids playing and adjudications. I'm still cranky thinking about it. lol. Ugh.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Ballerina Girl, You Are So Lovely


I always wanted to be a ballerina. I just think dancers are so beautiful. I wished I was one. Watching Hannah turning into a little dancer is just as good, maybe better. She's been working so hard the last few weeks. Of course, she's Hannah, so she's also been crying a lot the last few weeks. She lost it when I told her to show her teeth when she smiles, so we can see it from far away. It was almost as bad as teaching her to skip.

But she's so proud of herself. And I'm so proud of her too. She's amazing.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Here It Is:

I borrowed Glen's laptop so I could show something.

I love this picture. But I probably shouldn't set it as my new facebook profile picture, should I? I want to though. Sooooooooooo bad.


And since it doesn't seem fair to just put up the picture I was talking about yesterday and call it a post, here's a bonus picture for all of us to enjoy.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Lamer and Lamer

Things are about to get even lamer on here because I can only blog on my phone till Friday. I can't even figure out how to post a new photo on this thing. I can post super old photos though. So..... enjoy?

Nope. Don't enjoy. Apparently I can't even add old ones, which is a shame, because I found some DOOZIES.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Very Busy

I thought I was closer to the end, and it wouldn't take me long to get caught up and ready for the new season, but I'm only on season 5 episode 16! I still have over two seasons to watch.


So, obviously, no time for blogging.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Done Like Dinner

I'm pretty much done Christmas shopping, and I haven't walked into a store. Online shopping rocks my world. Thrilled. That's me. I even bought Hannah's Christmas dress online. I let her pick. I wanted to get something like this:


She picked this:


At least I didn't have to go to the store. Now I wait.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

So Dumb. I Mean. SO. DUMB

There are a lot of things I can't stand about Donald Trump supporters. Their stupidity has to be near the top of the list though. I can't stand stupid things. And they're SO stupid.

Take, for instance, this new #trumpcup "statement." I mean, only people stupid enough to vote for Trump could have come up with this one. Punish Starbucks by buying its product. That'll teach 'em. The list of things they're boycotting just keeps growing. Today they added a play because some of the audience booed Mike Pence. And Trump wants the cast to apologize. So presidential. I have to wonder how many times I'm going to roll my eyes reading about idiotic Trump and his followers in the next few years. I'm guessing it's going to be a lot, because he's not even president yet and it's ridiculous.

That's it. I wish I had something more interesting to talk about. I hate November.

Friday, November 18, 2016

One (Wo)Man's Trash... Is Trash

I had nothing to post till I went on the Yorkton online garage sale site and saw this:


It was posted by my favourite ever online garage saler: Mabel. I think these might be the same exact cups that she had posted five or so years ago, when I first noticed her. The description says, "Collector items...or may be used for regular usage,only 2 on left are waxy type, others all are plastic ones and larger size, only $3 altogether."

Mabel, these are GARBAGE. Throw them out. I want to tell her that if she pays me $3.00 I'll come over and take care of them for her, but I'd probably get in trouble for that. I'm following the post just in case someone else does, because it would fulfill a longing in me that I can't fully explain...

Thursday, November 17, 2016

That'd Be Nice


You know what else I'd like for Chirstmas? A really nice print for my room. Something from Ispuchaw would be nice, I should look through Dad's photos, but I'd also love something taken from Sandy Beach at Good Spirit. Big. And framed really nice.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Yawn

I love preK. I love it so much. But I'm exhausted. Plus it's Wednesday, which is our craziest, busiest night of the week. So tired. It's 8pm, and I could have easily gone to sleep at six.. that is, if I wasn't still driving kids all over the place.


 BUT since I've been complaining a lot, here are some great things about today:

  • A job I really do like going to most of the time, even just subbing.
  • Hannah is cute. I love getting her dressed in the mornings.
  • Being "thin" enough to enjoy wearing clothes again. 
  • Starbucks mocha frappacino in a bottle, available in cities with no Starbucks stores.
  • Cupcakes for my favourite EA's birthday. 
  • Cat cuddles.
  • Cat kisses. 
  • Cat paws.
  • Hugs from preK's.
  • Playdough.
  • Pool fries and gravy, and not feeling guilty for eating out because I worked today. $$$Cha-ching$$$
  • Awesome extracurricular activities that my children love and learn so much from. 
  • Cell phones that I can use to call Glen and tell him he forgot to pick up Sam. 
  • Netflix.
  • Antibiotics.
  • My bed.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Is It Over Yet?

Oh man. November goes on forever. Who wants to see what I'd like for Christmas?


That's all for tonight. I'm trying to pace myself.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Am I Actually An Elderly Woman?

I feel like maybe it's a bad sign that I'm tickled pink about getting fitted for orthotics today. With that and the glaucoma medications currently on my nightstand... it's not looking good for me, is it?

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Three Things Very Dull Indeed

1.) I just ordered a butt load of clothes for the kids on sale at Old Navy. Dress clothes for Ben, and some play dresses for Hannah. Frick I love that site when they have good sales on.

2.) I did not order these shoes. Because they didn't have my size. I'm sad.


3.) Full Disclosure: I did order them. One size too small. I'm going to try to cram my feet into them.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Two Things Moderately Clever

Since I posted one meaningful and worthwhile thing yesterday, I feel like today I should be able to take a break. So here are two moderately clever things. They're going to be about TV.

1.) Stranger Things: AH! What a great start to a series! I loved it, and I mean loved it. Maybe not Doctor Who loved it, but it was pretty great. I have trouble seeing how next season can be anywhere near as interesting as this one was, but you can bet I'll be watching. I loved loved Dustin. That kid. Actually, all the kids are amazing actors. And I loved Hopper. When he went rogue and broke into the lab, awesome. And the story, obviously, was amazing. I love science fiction, and puzzling out this story was so fun. Yup. Good show. Too bad it only took a day to burn through it on Netflix.

3.) Speaking of burning through seasons on Netflix. It only took from October 13th to 21st to watch six seasons of The Walking Dead, and now I think about it all the time. I'm pretty worried about Daryl right now. Why can't he just say his name is Neegan? Fake it! And THEN escape! You can lie to Neegan, why do you have to tell the truth? WHY? Daryl. I love him so.

(Tomorrow is three very dull things. I'm pretty excited.)

Friday, November 11, 2016

Repeated

I already posted this on Facebook today, but seriously, it's a lot of work to think of one thing worth posting a day. So this is what you get. One thing very clever, be it prose or verse, original or repeated...

Thursday, November 10, 2016

I'm Gonna Need a Bigger Nightstand


But only if I live long enough to be elderly. (This is ridiculous.)

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

This Counts

I have nothing to say.

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

Followers

It's election day in the United States. It's kind of terrifying to watch. The thing that I find the scariest isn't the possibility of Trump as president. (Although, that is seriously terrifying.) The thing that really disturbs me is that there are MILLIONS of people just to the south of us who are okay with his brand of hatred. And bullying. And selfishness. It's not just the Donald. It's his followers.

Which makes me think about another leader and His followers. The thing that is beautiful about Jesus shouldn't just be his love. And grace. And sacrifice. (In direct opposition to everything I just said about Trump, you'll notice.) The thing that should be beautiful about Jesus is that His followers exemplify those same qualities.

And, just like that, the world is changed, for better or for worse by one person.

Tonight I'm trying really hard to focus on the One that I follow, and trust that He's got this, no matter the outcome.

Monday, November 07, 2016

Another Reason Why

I love The Doctor.


Sunday, November 06, 2016

Broken

"It helps to know what it is."

A character on Wentworth just said that about the depression that's been ruining his life. And I get it. Boy, do I get it.


Of course, he thinks he was suicidal and jumped in front of a van, but really the evil governor of the prison put a hit out on him, and paid someone to drive him down in the street, causing a serious brain injury that made him forget the critical information she'd do anything to keep the world from knowing. But still, samers Mr. Fletcher. Samers.

It does help to know what it is.

Undiagnosed depression and anxiety feels like you are losing a battle against yourself every day. You can't understand why you are in pain when the doctors can't find anything wrong with you. You just want to sleep and hide, but you have a life that you need to live and being "lazy" isn't an option. At least not every day. And not if you don't want to feel like more of a failure that you already do. You don't know why you're worried when you have nothing to worry about, and you can't understand why you think the way you do. You try to talk to yourself, to tell yourself to get out of bed, to stop thinking so negatively, to not worry about the crazy things you worry about..

I worry about parking spots, and places to sit, and standing in line, and driving, and whether the store will have what I need, and making doctor appointments, and being on time, and the staff room at work, and being able to fall asleep... When I'm not consciously worrying about things like that I often have this pit in my stomach telling me I should be worried about something. And not just a passing worry. When I go to the movies my hands are usually shaking until I find my seat. In my head, I don't care where I am. In my head I know I'll enjoy the movie regardless of where I sit. But that doesn't stop my stress level from sky-rocketing the day I go to a show. (This is why I LOOOOOVE the VIP theatres that let you book your seats in advance.) Just typing out these last few sentences has caused my pulse to start racing. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest thinking about lining up at the theatre to buy the tickets, and the popcorn, and then find seats where we can all sit together and everyone can see, and no one weird is beside me...

I also worry about big things like my health, and family problems, and money, and my children's safety, but those things make sense. And they aren't usually the things that keep me up at night. And there should be a difference between how those big worries feel compared to those little ones. There's no difference. All of it makes me feel sick.

Probably because I'm sick.

For lots and lots of years I didn't realize that feeling like this wasn't normal. I figured out the depression around the time my dad died in 2009, maybe a year or two before that. But I didn't realize that anxiety has a pretty tight grip on my life till just a year or two ago. I remember when I first talked to my doctor and realized that I wasn't just sad, and lazy, and shut down. I remember what it felt like to realize I was sick. Mentally ill. It felt amazing. Honestly, sometimes just knowing and accepting my limits is enough to pull me through a hard day, it helps that much.

Imagine going through life not knowing that your leg is broken. It never even occurs to you that there might be something actually wrong with you. You are constantly in pain though, and some things are completely impossible. People try to help. They tell you which shoes work best for them. They send you articles about learning to run a 5k to inspire you. Even you get in on the action with self-talks and exercises designed to help you overcome your weakness. But no matter what you do, you can't run. You can barely walk sometimes. And then suddenly, one day, a doctor x-rays your leg and tells you it was broken all along. It won't be an easy fix, but there's a reason you've been limping for years.

It sucks to be broken, but it is such a relief to finally understand that you ARE.

So I get it Mr. Fletcher. You're right. It does help to know. Of course, you also need to know that The Governor is after you, and she'll stop at nothing.

Saturday, November 05, 2016

National Love Your Red Hair Day

You know when you imagine something amazing, but it never turns out as good as it was in your head? That's not Hannah. I imagined her for years. I named her, I bought her outfits, I planned the things I'd like to do with her, I even practiced her hairdos on poor Ben. And then she came. And one of the first things I remember after she was born was the nurse talking about her red hair. I lay there on the stretcher waiting for them to clean her up and bring her to me, and telling myself she did not have red hair. Not really. She couldn't have red hair.

Because in my wildest fantasies I didn't get to have a red-haired daughter. That would be too much. Just a daughter was enough. It was more than enough. But God didn't just give me a daughter, He gave me Hannah.


She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She sparkles. She says the funniest things all the time, and she's smart and self-assured. She's so graceful, but so clumsy. She is loving and affectionate. She cries at the drop of a hat, and it's so adorable, I melt inside when she is sad. I love everything about her, and then she runs and plays outside in the sunshine and her red hair looks like it's on fire and she takes my breath away. I look at her and can't help but wonder how she got here, where she came from, and why she's mine. She's a miracle.

So happy National Love Your Red Hair Day little spitfire. I love your red hair, but mostly I just love you. You're enough and then so much more than that. You are more than I ever dreamed of.

Friday, November 04, 2016

A Nose By Any Other Name

First of all, it's like the third day of November and I am hating this post every day thing so much already. Brutal. This is going to be a long month of really really stupid posts.

Today I went to the hospital and got the mole on my nose cut off. It doesn't hurt, but people, the freezing. And, as usual, my body doesn't give a crap about anesthetic and proceeds onwards for an incredibly long time before finally giving up and going numb. Five times. Wowza, that hurt. And my poor doctor kept coming back thinking "This time, surely..." Then he just gave up and just kept poking my poor nose over and over. "You can feel that?" Uhhhhh... YES!!!!! "You have a very high tolerance to anesthetic. This is much more than I usually need to use." Yup. I've run into that problem a few times before.

But it's gone. And it doesn't hurt at all now.


My sister, on the other hand, spent the day finalizing her plans to adopt the most adorable cat in the entire world. I'm going to catnap her maybe. I suggested she name her Cindy Lauper. She's gone with Molly Ringwald, which I like even better. It's the perfect name for the world's perfectest cat. I can't wait to meet her.

Look at her. Lookat!


Thursday, November 03, 2016

The Lies That Bind

My arm hurts from my flu shot, but I can't complain about it out loud because I told Hannah it doesn't and she's fine.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Go Away Wednesday

So. Today was LONG. I subbed kindergarten. Five of them were completely,  and I mean COMPLETELY, out of control. Five. Rolling on the floor, screaming, PEEING ALL OVER THE BATHROOM out of control. I literally didn't even have time to change my tampon till 4:30. Oh yeah, I got my period, which means migraine. Yay. Then I had this crazy idea to take the kids for flu shots. On a Wednesday. That's our busy day. All of our days are busy, but Wednesdays... Here's how it looked after school:

3:50 finally get away from school after waiting twenty minutes for a sister to pick up the last kindergartener (and one of the out of controls of course) and finding out she got sent home for being, you guessed it, also out of control.
3:55 drive as quickly as possible to pick up kids from school who will now be late for piano lessons
4:00 drive home to grab piano bags (can't find Sam's) and health cards
4:05 drop Ben at piano
4:10 pick up Glen from school
4:15 back to kids' school for flu shots that I wanted to get done before piano, which upon reflection, was probably not realistic
4:35 rush home without waiting full fifteen minutes after shots to find Sam's missing piano bag and change my stupid tampon already
4:40 drive as quickly as possible to piano lessons
4:45 exchange Sam for Ben
4:50 drive to McDonald's to pick up food for Hannah and Ben
5:00 drop Glen and Ben at school for their flu shots
5:05 drive back to piano
5:15 exchange Hannah (who ate her McDonald's waiting in piano lesson parking lot) for Sam
5:20 pick up now vaccinated Ben and Glen from school
5:25 home so Glen and Ben can eat, I take a lightning fast bath instead of eating because I feel gross from aforementioned tampon and aforementioned out of control urine covered kindergarteners
5:50 pick up Hannah from piano five minutes late
6:00 pick up boys from home and grab Hannah's swimming stuff
6:10 drop Sam at drama
6:15 get HIT BY CAR WHILE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.
6:16 quickly get license plate number, name, and phone number from driver of the car that drove through an intersection into the side of our van
6:20 arrive at pool and rush Hannah in to change (Glen takes Ben to youth group)
6:30 watch Hannah's swimming lesson
7:15 shower Hannah at pool and change her into pajamas
7:30 eat cold fries at pool because the thought of making supper at home is just too much
7:40 Glen picks us up at pool
7:50 pick up Sam from drama
8:00 home just in time to quickly feed Hannah the rest of her McDonald's, read with her, and get her in bed by 8:30 and Sam to bed by 9:00 (Glen goes back to youth, he's a helper)
8:45 Glen drops Ben off at home after youth group and takes off again to finish his midterm marks due tomorrow
9:00 call the girl who hit us and get the rest of her info that I was in too much of a hurry to get before
9:15 watch Wentworth in a stupor
10:00 clean kitchen
11:00 realize I need to write a blog post but do NOT have the emotional energy to talk about my depression and anxiety issues
11:01 come up with this lame idea for a post

So, that's why I'm not doing what I said I would. Maybe tomorrow. If I don't get in a traffic accident. Here's hoping!

Tuesday, November 01, 2016

Processing

The day I've been dreading all month is here. November first. A normal person would see this as a sign to give up and just let it go. Don't bother with NaBloPoMo. I suspect that I'm not normal.

And actually, maybe this would be a good time for me to write some stuff out that I'm processing right now. I'm not sure where to start though, so I'm gonna give myself a day to think about it and just leave you with this screen shot:


Sigh. I don't know what to say. I'll think about it, and get back to you. ("You" probably being Shirley, Becky, and Sheila, and maybe Ang and Melissa if they remember it's November. And maybe Mel and Cindi. That's it I think. lol)