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Showing posts from May, 2005

I'm home... I wish she was.

Tonite my dad and I took in a concert at a street mission in downtown Saskatoon. When we arrived there was this pretty young girl sitting on a wall along the sidewalk, her high heels on the pavement beside her, rubbing her feet. My heart sank within me. A prostitute, literally one block away from salvation. She was still there two hours later when we came out, or maybe she wasn't still there... maybe she was back from wherever she had been taken by some man. I hate to even think of it. She was walking slowly ahead of us... I was so relieved when we didn't catch her before we got to our car. I couldn't face her. I was already crying...
I wanted to grab her and take her home. I wanted to ask her, "What can I do to help you? Tell me what it would take to help you stop having to do this..." I don't know, maybe I should have, tears and all... I'm such a coward.

As we drove away I thought, "Why her God? Why not me? Why did I get to be born into my family and…

Going Home...

Today I am taking a little trip home for some appointments in the "big city". Every time I venture out onto the highways I can't help but wonder if this will be my last day on earth... I hate highway driving... seriously. Ben and I are going by ourselves because Glen has to work. I like it better, and this may seem morbid, when all three of us go together. That way if there is an accident we would probably all die together. For myself, I wouldn't mind so much, (I am pretty sure I will like heaven) but I would hate to leave behind people I love. Glen would be so sad, and stuck all alone in this junk heap we like to call a house. Morbid, I am so morbid... I'm sure we'll be fine.

Happy First Mother's Day... Belated.

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I'm posting this today, because I am feeling a bit blue... Sometimes I think back to what I expected from life when I was younger and I can't help but feel disappointed. I used to think I was really something special. As I got older I realized that I am not as smart or as talented as I thought I was. There is always someone better than you... Or me anyways. I found out I am not all that pretty... Or at least not that pretty in the eyes of this world. I thought I was going to be a superstar teacher who would change the world... And I can't even be an average teacher because I can't get a job actually teaching. I thought being married was going to be like it is in the movies, but anyone who is married will tell you (if they're honest) it is mostly hard work. I just thought so many things... And none have them have turned out the way I expected, except one. I am a Mommy and I have a wonderful little person who is depending on me and who I love more with every breath I…

The Birthday Debacle

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Benjamin's very first birthday cake... his mommy worked so hard decorating it till it was perfect. Then she put it in the oven to keep it safe from the pesky cats (turned off, of course!) and proceeded to forget all about it. When some of the hamburgers were done being BBQ'd she turned the oven on to keep them nice and warm and... OH, THE HUMANITY! Poor poor little Elmo.

My First Post...

Lame title, I know, but it is... I signed up for an account accidentally, I thought I was just getting an account so I could see more stuff on other people's blogs... and then I thought, "Why not? I don't have to tell anyone I know that I am doing this... and I can just write and send what I am thinking out into the universe..."

My childhood cat died today. Jynx. She was 18 years old. I didn't get to say goodbye. She lives with my parents who were here visiting this weekend. It was Benjamin's (my son's) first birthday party... They got home and she was in her bed and she was gone. That's how I was hoping it would happen, but still... I would have liked to say goodbye. It is so dumb to be this upset, but when I was a little girl she was my doll. I dressed her up. I put her in a stroller. I loved her with everything in me. When I was a teen and my best friend stopped talking to me I held her and cried into her soft fur. I loved her with everything in me.…