My Favourite Place
We are just back from camping at Ispuchaw Lake... I would tell you where it is, but there are only five campsites and I wouldn't want the place to get crowded! It is so beautiful and peaceful, I really can't imagine heaven being any better... Sigh... Did I already mention that? The campsite we like best is #5. It is on the top of a hill out on a point. It looks out over the lake, and just at the bottom of the hill is a nice little sandy beach where my dad built himself a little dock using nothing but a hacksaw and some driftwood and rope... my dad, what a guy! I take my hammock right down to the waterside and hang there and read books and drink iced tea and eat sunflower seeds (spicy if I can get 'em) and it's PARADISE! This year the lake was pretty high, big surprise with all this dumb rain, so we beached at another lake. But, the most lovely thing about Ispuchaw is the seclusion. There is no running water... only an outhouse which is practically a kilometre from site #5... and generally you don't even see any other people except the John Bosco Camp kids on hikes. I LOVE IT! I'm so glad we made it out there this summer... did I mention I LOVE IT there? (Even with the stupid mosquitoes and horseflies.)
In other news... MY BABY IS WALKING! I am not sure whether or not I am happy about this very recent development. (He took his first step at the lake in the screen kitchen with my parents... at least I saw his second step... another sigh.) Is it wrong to want him to stay my baby forever? I feel like tomorrow he's going to pack a suitcase and leave home. Once I heard someone say that parenting is like taking a piece of your heart and cutting it off and then sending it out into the world to walk around. That's how I feel. I don't think I have ever felt so vulnerable as when I think of Benjamin making his own choices, maybe ones I don't like, and getting hurt and being away from me. I remember realizing shortly after he was born that I had made a HUGE mistake. He was crying and I was holding him and comforting him and I suddenly realized all his hurts couldn't be fixed in my arms... someday he would yell at me and tell me to leave him alone, and I wouldn't be able to help. I thought, "What have I done?" My heart totally breaks to think of those moments in our futures... all I can do is pray that he will let God hold him and comfort him when he won't let me... another sigh. Walking is just the beginning people. I'm telling you. I'm all FREAKED OUT!
But, he sure looks cute staggering around like a tiny little drunk person.
You want to know the truth? Sometimes I can't help myself and I pray "Please God, make everything perfect for him. Always keep him close to me and closer to you. And please. Don't ever let him hurt." I know... really, I do. I just can't help it.