Why I Don't Like "Church"...
Actually, this last one was brutal in some ways and a big relief in others. I'm still pretty tender after some of the stuff that happened at our last homechurch, so I don't handle any kind of inner strife very well at all. In fact, after watching a pastor who I loved be driven from the church I thought of as a family my new policy at the first sign of trouble is... GET OUT WHILE THE GETTING'S GOOD. We had some trouble last night... And there was a vote to go with it. That's a recipe for disaster in my books. The mudslingers were there and did their best to stir things up and then... Some superheroes shut them down. I left the meeting feeling slightly battered by some of the things that were said/implied... But on the whole I was relieved. I know that there are people in my church who will defend my pastor and his wife. I know that there are people in my church who refuse to participate in slandering others AND EVEN BETTER who will stand up to those who do.
Sigh... I still hate general meetings.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "church". (By "church" I am talking about that thing lots of us do on Sunday mornings... Not, necessarily, the body of Christ. To me they can be two totally different things.) Anywho. I've been feeling a bit like it's just more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes I find the way we treat eachother to be so hurtful that I end up feeling worse because of my contact with the church than I would all on my own. I wonder... "What am I really getting out of this? What is my real motivation behind going? Am I just going to see and be seen? Am I really getting enough out of this to make all the crappy gossipy hypocritical churchy crap worth it?" I'm still not sure if church is more trouble than it's worth, but I was very much encouraged by those people who are willing, unlike me, to stay and fight when things get hard. So I guess I'll keep thinking about it... And Yes, Shirley, I'll keep showing up.