Why I Don't Like "Church"...

General meetings.

Actually, this last one was brutal in some ways and a big relief in others. I'm still pretty tender after some of the stuff that happened at our last homechurch, so I don't handle any kind of inner strife very well at all. In fact, after watching a pastor who I loved be driven from the church I thought of as a family my new policy at the first sign of trouble is... GET OUT WHILE THE GETTING'S GOOD. We had some trouble last night... And there was a vote to go with it. That's a recipe for disaster in my books. The mudslingers were there and did their best to stir things up and then... Some superheroes shut them down. I left the meeting feeling slightly battered by some of the things that were said/implied... But on the whole I was relieved. I know that there are people in my church who will defend my pastor and his wife. I know that there are people in my church who refuse to participate in slandering others AND EVEN BETTER who will stand up to those who do.

Sigh... I still hate general meetings.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "church". (By "church" I am talking about that thing lots of us do on Sunday mornings... Not, necessarily, the body of Christ. To me they can be two totally different things.) Anywho. I've been feeling a bit like it's just more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes I find the way we treat eachother to be so hurtful that I end up feeling worse because of my contact with the church than I would all on my own. I wonder... "What am I really getting out of this? What is my real motivation behind going? Am I just going to see and be seen? Am I really getting enough out of this to make all the crappy gossipy hypocritical churchy crap worth it?" I'm still not sure if church is more trouble than it's worth, but I was very much encouraged by those people who are willing, unlike me, to stay and fight when things get hard. So I guess I'll keep thinking about it... And Yes, Shirley, I'll keep showing up.

Comments

  1. beck... i understand part of what you're saying... i was at CBC when all the stuff at MAC happened, but it did still impact me... i'm not sure if it will help, but i did a post semi-simalar... i'll put out the url for it.... http://the-real-deal.blogspot.com/2005/12/so-whats-matter-for-church.html there it is... you know what to do with it... good old cut and paste... but let me know if it relates or if i'm way off... praying for you

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  2. I read it when you wrote it actually... I'm actually okay with not being sure of where I stand as far as church goes. I'd rather be a little on the cautious side than throw myself 100% into it only to be disapointed/hurt again.

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  3. Yes, I have decided that I hate Annual meetings as well. I think I will avoid them from now on.

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  4. But you can't stop coming to church. That is not an option.

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  5. And don't forget that the Bible says - do not give up on meeting together...I think that God knew that there would be days like this when we needed to here that.

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  6. We're having so much trouble just finding a church, however, we feel exactly the same way about our old YWAM base. They changed everything, and we had both signed two year contracts saying we'd staff for that long. The last school we did there (not the one where we went to India) was insanely difficult, and left us with a really bad taste in our mouths, and we're kind of hiding out now...we want to go back to YWAM, but NOT to that base. I talked to a friend who is still there, and they talk about this amazing school we did there with such disdain. "there was so much division then. That wasn't God's heart for this ministry at all". I was devastated. I had never felt more in the will of God in my life, and so happy doing what I was. Now, what we signed on for doesn't exist there. I guess, all that to say, I know just what you're going through, and I'm sorry. I agree with your friend Shirley though. It's kind of a necessary evil at this point. We're hoping to find a ministry that we can connect with that will go in the direction we feel led in. Until then, back to the grindstone I guess.

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  7. Shirley is right Becky. I don't think there is an option in not going to church. There are many churches though that meet in a house and are not really much more than a care group, but it is still church. The other thing is that where you have more than one person meeting together anyplace, sooner or later there is going to be a disagreement. It just happens. I will say this though, if someone in our church was to start with the " I think our pastor doesn't pray enough..doesn't visit enough..visits to much... isn't spiritual enough...doesn't spend enough time in the office... or a host of other real or imagined things that this person didn't like, I know my first reaction would be to tell them maybe they should find another church. I will never again, not come to the defense of my pastor and his wife, unless they are completely going against everything biblical. I will fight for them and protect them against people who think the pastor and his family must be perfect just as they are perfect. How can people who call themselves christian, possibly think they are in Gods will, when they attempt to tear other people down. I have to stop and go get a near beer and clamato, I am starting to get angry.

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