Sighs of the Times

It's weird to know your baby's birthday before he's even born. It'll be on the 18th of April, 21 days from now! I'm not sure if I'm excited it's so close or panicked? There's so much stuff to do around here and so many mixed emotions that I just feel tired...

On one hand... There's this weird feeling that the baby is going to get in the way of mine and Ben's relationship. I know this feeling will go away once I meet him, but right now I feel resentful that Ben won't have me all to himself anymore. PLUS there's the whole leaving him for 3 days to go to the hospital thing and once I do get home I won't even be able to pick my Benjamin up. It breaks my heart that he won't understand why. PLUS how will I take Ben swimming now? We usually go at least once a week and now we won't be able to. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am super excited to meet the new baby and see what he looks like. I love babies so much and I miss nursing and all the tiny clothes and those moments in the rocking chair. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am so scared of trying to take care of a new baby and Ben and recover from major surgery. I'm so tired right now but I am always reminding myself that a baby is easier to take care of when it's still inside you than it is when it comes out. Sigh.

On the other hand... I am so uncomfortable and sick of heartburn I just want this kid out of me. I'm tired of feeling so heavy and out of breath. I'm tired of doctors' appointments. I'm tired of peeing every ten minutes. Sigh.

On the other hand... At least I am still able to get stuff done around here. You should see how much we got accomplished this weekend. My family came and helped me work on the basement and we did some construction and painting. All I have left to do down here is prime the walls and paint them, cause today I finished all of the stucco work. Glen says he is sick of renovations, lucky for him once the baby comes I won't be able to do any more renovating for a while. Unlucky for me we still have so much renovating to do. Today our roof started leaking in the garage... And the backyard is a mess... And both washrooms are a disaster... There just seems to be an endless supply of jobs and I have a very limited supply of energy. Sigh.

I don't feel even a little ready for the 18th of April and it's coming and there's no stopping it. Last night I got a bit of reassurance though. The title of the devotional I read for March 26 was, "Let the Master Builder Complete the Job." (And no, I'm pretty sure it wasn't reffering to my dad... Even though he is a pretty amazing builder!) The scripture reference was Hebrews 3:4, "For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." (NIV) I guess while I do the work of getting my house ready I need to relax a bit and let God do the really important work of making my heart ready. Sometimes it's so easy for me to completely focus on all the work I have to do and forget that God is doing His own work in me. Stuff's getting done around here and I'm not even noticing some of it! That makes me feel better. Sigh.

Comments

  1. I was the same way before Karah was born, with all the worries, all the stuff that needs to be done, the fears of Erika not having as much attention, but it's been a real blessing. :D I involve Erika in a lot of things like helping to change Karah's diaper and dressing Karah as well. That way she's not feeling left out and she also feels like a big girl because she helps me with her little sister. It can be frustrating, though, when you have a baby breast feeding a lot. Going from 1 to 2 kids is the biggest jump, but it can be done, and it's not as hectic as it sometimes can feel. :D

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  2. I can't wait to hear from you in about 2 months, when you, Glen and Ben have all had a little time to adjust to your new lives. All your worries are going to seem a liitle less intense and things just have a way of sorting themselves out. Actually, it's the "Master builder" sorting them out.The only advice I have as someone who's already been there is this. Enjoy the next 3 weeks as much as you can. Pretty lame advice, huh?

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  3. Becky how exciting to know the date!! (at least for me anyways!!)I wrote it on my calendar. Gotta know when to get that casserole ready for.

    Sorry - I have no advice for you. I'm just excited. Can't wait to meet the newest member of the clan.

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  4. I love reading your blog. You've encouraged me today, and of course made me smile,thanks.

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  5. Wow, how many hands do you have?? Um.... We'll seeing as I don't have a child, I have no idea what you're going through... I'd just cherish the time you have with Ben right now, just as you should at any time... Kids grow up so freakin' fast... It makes me feel old...

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  6. Becky,

    I think just because of how close your due date is coming, is what is making you flustered. Take a breath, enjoy your 3 day stay in the hospital, as when you get home you will have your hands and time filled. But of courese, in a great way!!

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  7. Becky, I remember exactly that feeling . When I was pregnant with Reagan, I could not imagine loving another child as much as Melanie and then when he was born, I fell instantly in love and then the guilt came. I felt bad that I had to discipline Melanie and all I did with Reagan was love him. But in a short time it all sorts itself out and you find that God will fill your heart with equal amounts of love for both your boys and no matter how many you have, God expands our hearts and just keeps pouring in the love. I hope all goes well with your delivery. We will be sure to pray for you on that day.

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  8. Okay, this is my 5th post. I am going to make sure that everyone reads this (especially...well, lets see....maybe Margaret, Carrie and Trav???) I am not playing the spelling war game anymore. It's exhausting. I promise I won't attack you..(at least not on a blog) Please do not attack me either. I make a lot of mistakes..suck it up. So there you have it. I quit..I'm tired. It's been a slice but now it's just lame and that's all. :)

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  9. becky - i have no advice, especially since i am more or less "shopping" for a child, and spending time trying to figure out how to illegally, or legally (whichever is easier) spirit him out of his country. the pregnancy thing will probably happen first to me when I have a little toddler running around, which will be totally weird. all i can say, is that i know a lot of kids who never get siblings, and most of the toddlers i know without, would be much better children if they knew that mom's world didn't revolve around them. because it always does. i think giving ben a brother, is the best thing you'll ever do for him, which i'm sure you know already. just wait until they're older and they occupy each other, and then you can spend some alone time in the rocker with a good book. providing nothing needs renovating.

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  10. Best regards from NY!
    »

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