I Want Both

First of all, kudos to me on making it through five hundred blog posts. I missed throwing myself a big party, but the last post was the big one... My five hundredth post. I'll have to try to remember to have a party when I make it to a thousand since I missed celebrating my hundredth post too. Oh well.

In other news I'm considering going back to work full-time. I was offered a perfect job at a nearly perfect school teaching in a grade two classroom till the end of March. This works out perfectly for me since I would want to go on maternity leave at the end of March anyways. And, if I'm working full-time I could actually go on a paid maternity leave for the first time ever. Which would be fab.

I'm having trouble deciding what to do though. I want the job. I want the money really badly, but even more I want the classroom. I want the little grade twos. I want to work at that school every day in my very own classroom. I really want it. And we need the dough.

However, I also want to be a stay at home mom. I want to hang out with my boys every day and be with them for all their funny, crazy, bad, and sad moments. I don't like the thought of a stranger, or anyone else for that matter, comforting them when they are sad or scared. I don't like the idea of someone else laughing at the funny things they do while I am busy working. And I know for a fact that I will be exhausted by the time I drag my pregnant behind home every day. I'm not sure if the money is worth missing the next seven months of the boys' lives.

Plus I'd have to find a daycare I felt comfortable with... A task that has so far been proving pretty difficult.

And then there's this whole pregnancy thing, which I have to admit is dragging at me a little bit. So far, it seems like I don't start feeling better till around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Running down the hallway to vomit is a lot easier at home than it would be at school. Just the thought of all that moving around so early in the morning makes me queasy. I know I won't feel this way forever, but I probably will for at least a few more months.

What to do... What to do?


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