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Showing posts from November, 2009

A Post a Day At a Time

Today I've been thinking a lot about last year. Last year's NaBloPoMo... Last year's excitement. Last year's worries. Last year's happiness. Last year's memories.

And last year's comments. Last year Dad wrote comments. On here and on Ben and Sam's blogs. Make sure you look at the comments on those posts I listed. Dad wrote comments on most of them. All of them break my heart a little, but this one especially:
"Thanks Becky. I cried a little as well,,,,I sometimes have morning sickness,,,am I pregnant? I too would like to see a little girl in your life. I would like to see one in mine, cause I remember the relationship that my daughters and all my nieces had with my dad. I want to be that kind of grandfather in a little girls life. But I also think of my three grandsons and I wouldn't trade one of them for a little girl. So thanks Becky, regardless of the outcome we are all waiting with bated breath."
Why can't he be here to be that gram…

%$#^$@!!!!!!

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I'm going to try REALLY hard here not to say a swear word.

I had a different post all ready. With pictures. Pictures like this:They won. They won the frickin game. It was over. OVER! Argh.

Dumb penalties happen all the time. Dumb penalties that make us mad because they didn't have to happen. And we say, "Oh, if it wasn't for that penalty..." Maybe... ??? But this time. THIS TIME.

I just. I can't even.Seriously. The only thing that makes this even a little bit better is that at least Dad wasn't here to see it. He would have been CHOKED. For weeks. Maybe months.

For crying out loud.

So Far This Weekend...

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Wiener roast in the back yard. Awesome. (And yummy.)

Visiting with Martha. Fabulous.

Santa Claus parade with (get ready for it) Glen, Ben, Sam, Hannah, Angela, Mom, Darcie, Karson, Keenan, Sylvia, Sig, Bob, Debbie, Henry, and Esther. Perfect.

And it's not even over yet. Rider game tomorrow!

Meeting

Just a little over a year ago I received an email that started like this:

Hi Becky

First of all – you don’t know me, I live in Rosenort , MB , and I came across your blog through Heather’s and Janelle’s...

And it ended like this:

... If you have specific things you want prayed for, let me know and I will lift those request up to the only person who can totally help us….or if you don’t even want to respond to this email, don’t worry about it, like I said you don’t know me, and just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you!
- Martha Stoesz

And today I'm going to meet her! And hug her! A person that found me on the internet and has since then become a very dear friend. YAY! Doesn't blogging ROCK?

So I figured I better put up a post for today before she gets here and I'm too busy enjoying being face to face FINALLY! :)

School Days

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Glen and I went to our very first parent-teacher interview today as parents, not teachers. Wild stuff. Happily, Ben is as good as he is cute. Our only concerns are his fine motor skills and of course, his anxiety levels. Have I mentioned before that Ben has some issues about going to school? He does. He cries a lot about it, and of course, it breaks this mommy's heart.

But he's doing well, and I know once he gets more confident it will go even better. And then, there's this adorable school picture. I'd invite you to try and convince me that there has ever been a cuter school picture taken in the history of school pictures, but it would be pointless. Nothing could convince me. That is the sweetest one I've ever seen, and it completely matches the boy on the inside, which makes it even sweeter.

No Fair

It hardly seems fair that I have to post on here since I posted on Mom's blog.

So I'm not gonna.

I ♥ My Niece and Nephew

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I hope I'm allowed to do this. Wait. Let me check if Melissa is on facebook, and I'll ask. Nope. No Melissa. So I'll just have to risk it. And if I'm not allowed, she can tell me and I'll take this post down. But honestly, I can't think of anything any better than what I wrote last night, unless I do this:
I was at Johnny and Melissa's tonight, and Melissa dressed the little cuties up and let me take pictures of them. Those are my favorites. Seriously... ♥ ♥ ♥ I could just smush those two. They have to be two of the most adorable kids I've ever seen, and I don't think I'm being biased.

Blah

Oh man people, I am so tired. I don't know how taking my Gramma shopping can be so exhausting, but I am THRASHED. And mostly, I just stood around trying to keep my kids from running wild in the mall.

Anyways, that's my excuse for writing yet another LAME post. That and I'm watching the last episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Also lame. And depressing. Not that the show is over, I'm fine with that. I think it should be over. It's just too bad that this is the way it's ending isn't it? DEPRESSING. I hope things get better for them. This is depressing me.

Blah.

New Swoon

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I had a lovely time tonight, even though a crazy shaman woman put bad magic on me. But more about that later. First, have a look at this:
Can you guess where I went? You can? If you read my friend Jen's blog at all, you should also be able to guess who I went with. That's the fancy envelope and tickets she decorated just for tonight's big event. And I have to tell you, I don't think I've enjoyed a night out at the movie's this much in... Ever?

Usually I don't like watching movies with a bunch of people I don't know, but every now and then there's nothing like watching a movie surrounded by a group of strangers. Like tonight. The movie was great, better than the first, but it was made even better by the giggling teens and crazed teens-at-heart. I laughed myself silly when "Jacob" took of his shirt accompanied by a chorus of "Woo hoo!" and applause all around me. Actually, I was already laughing from when it happened during a preview…

Miss Independent

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I was going to post this picture yesterday under the title of "She Still Can't Sit, But She Can Do This:"
Not ten minutes after I took this picture though, I discovered her in the living room. Sitting.
It appears that she can sit, when she feels like it. And not at any other time.

Tonight's post brought to you by: Procrastination

This counts.

Maybe I'll make it up to you later. Maybe not.

Are you tired of shopping posts yet?

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First things first, Shanna over at My Sweet Bowtique says that you can all have one free clippie with your order if you mention my blog, and I get three! Hurrah! Isn't that nice? I just wanted her to see the picture of Hannah all clippied up, so I sent her a link to my post and... Voilà! Free clippies for all!

In other shopping news, I came across this at Superstore yesterday.
On sale. So I don't need it on my Christmas list anymore. (Since I obviously started reading it last night, and nine people are already dead. Brutal. How did I forget Stephen King writes horror?) But don't worry, I found something else. Actually, I can't believe I forgot about this. I need it. Obviously.

TELL ME This Isn't AWESOME!

Okay, I know. It's been a lot of YouTube and photos and stuff, but Mom posted this video over on her site which led to a flurry of googling on my part, which ended up leading me to this video:

Isn't that the coolest? LOL. I lurv it. And I lurv that dumb piano playing cat. And since I was awake anyways, I figured I could get today's post out of the way.

I'll bet that cat can hear all that music when it's playing. Just look in its dumb cat eyes and tell me it isn't hearing violins and flutes. (This reminds me of something Ang read me this summer. Ang, I'm gonna want to borrow that book when I get there, so I can post that thing about the reading cats on here. I'm laughing again just thinking about it.)

And if you didn't listen to the whole thing, and thought you could get the gist of it after the first minute or so, you were wrong. Go back and play the whole thing. And stop being so impatient and judgy. Just listen to it.

Look What Came in the Mail Today!

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Yay! Whoops! Missed one! And it's my favorite...
I ♥ My Sweet Bowtique!

Thanks Carrie

I was wondering what to post today. I'm sick. Again. (Yay.) And in no mood to be creative, so it was lucky for me Carrie put up a whole bunch of YouTube videos as a post yesterday, which reminded me of one of my all time favorites.

Hans. Cracks me up every time.

Yes, I know this is a lame excuse for a post. You're lame.

Little Ben

My mom has been waiting a few weeks for me to put up a video of Ben learning to... I'd say crawl, but it wasn't really crawling. See for yourself...
This is Ben at around TEN months, finally figuring out how to get around. He's trying to get the vent covers, which is funny to me because over the next few years he would put many toys down that vent, actually down ALL the vents, no matter how many times we told him not to. For some reason, those vents always fascinated him.

And this is Ben stuck in the A-frame position. This happened a lot and was so funny, because the kid could NOT figure out how to just bend his knees to get out of it. (Hannah, on the other hand, loves the A-frame and has been going in and out of it for well over a month now with no problems. I should look back at the pictures, because actually, I think it's closer to two months.)

I know I'm very loud in both of these, but he was my first, and honestly, isn't he just the cutest little guy? Gosh, h…

More Wishing

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Well, here it is. I've been working on it for a few days now, ever since Melissa posted hers. I usually do this over in my sidebar for Glen and whoever has me in the Christmas box, but since it's NaBloPoMo, and since Melissa suggested it, here it is.

My Christmas Wish List:
First of all, I need this. But I'll settle for this one if I have to, since it's about $200.00 cheaper. So... Sigh. Yes, I can definitely settle for the second one, even though the first one would be better. This lens will allow me to take clearer pictures in low light without a flash, and you know how I hate using a flash, so... I need it. Real bad. (But my lips hurt real bad!) (Star to whoever knows what movie that's from.) (Unless you're Ang. Or Glen.) (Then no star.) I would like it before Christmas though, which is a bit of a problem I guess. The reason I'd like it before Christmas is so that I can take our Christmas photos using it. Pretty please?
Bubble Bath. Shocker, I know. There&#…

Wishful Thinking

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I was supposed to get back from my trip to Seattle yesterday. I wish with everything inside of me that there was a way to fix this so that I could have gone on that trip. I wish he was still here. I wish it a hundred times a day, and today even more than usual. (Don't ask why.)

Last night I spent an hour or so reading some of Dad's blog posts so I could "hear" him talk.

What I really want is to call him on the phone. I want to ask him things. And tell him things. Why can't there be a phone to heaven? Ben thought there was. A little while ago he asked if he could call Grampa because he had something to tell him about some car or something. It broke my heart to have to tell him we couldn't talk to Grampa anymore. Partly because I want to really REALLY badly.

I want to ask him if he knew he was dying. I know he knew sort of, but I want to know if he knew. And if he was scared. I don't think he was, but I want him to tell me that he wasn't. I want him to tel…

She Can't Sit Yet

I'm going to need to install our baby gates and put up the cupboard doors like... Yesterday. I showed her how to move her hands like this about a half hour before I shot this video. I'm estimating that by the end of this weekend she will have crawling completely down. I wonder when she'll figure out how to sit? Or if she'll ever bother?

Seven months people. Just barely. I have to say, the speed this baby is learning things makes me very nervous.

From Doft

I'm supposed to post this over on The John Braun Page, and I will, but I love it so much I'm going to post it here first. For those of you who don't know the guy in this video, this is my uncle David. I just call him Doft, because that's what I've always called him. He is only a few months older than me and grew up with us, so even though he's my dad's brother, he feels more like my brother than my uncle. I ♥ him.

Anyways. He wrote this song for Dad. And it's so beautiful. Have a listen.

Mini-Vacation

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Well, this won't be anything mind-blowing. All I'm going to be able to manage is a newsy pictury post. I know you're jazzed, don't try and hide it.

Yesterday we skipped town and headed for the big city of Regina for a bit of R and R. We stayed at a nice hotel, took the kids to Toys R Us, and even subjected ourselves to a few hours of Chuckee Cheese. Good times were had by all. Here's the evidence:
The picture makes it look like he's in shallow water touching the bottom, but he's actually in the deep end! This is why I love hotel pools... They are small enough and usually empty enough that our kids always seem to make rapid leaps in confidence and ability in the water! I'm so proud of my little life-jacket guy, "swimming" all by himself!
Oh man, if there is one thing I love about this girl it's this smile... Of course, there are about a hundred things, and actually I could never pick just one.
And this one... Just because she is just so durned …

Firsts

I'm a pretty sentimental person. This is why I take pictures of EVERYTHING. I do. I especially like to take pictures of firsts. First time Gramma held you. First day of school. First bath. First time in the big bath. First bubble bath. First time on the swing. First present. First boat ride. First plane ride. First bike ride. First mail. First bus ride. First pickle. First craft. First slurpie. First time swimming. All of it, and then some.

Since Dad left I've been overwhelmed with firsts. First time we all went out for dinner without him. First time I went to Canadian tire since he died. First time I drove to Martensville. First time I watched Corner Gas. First time I went into an underground parkade since the one at the hospital in Seattle when I left him behind. You wouldn't believe how many firsts. Every time I turn around there's something I have to do for the first time, knowing he's not here.

I still haven't gone in his garage. That will be a hard one fo…

Today

It's not a good day. It's hard to know what to write on a day like this. But I have this idea I've been meaning to put out there for all of you, and today seems appropriate.

I've been thinking about The John Braun Page. It's a little depressing to me that it, all of it, ends with the funeral. I was thinking... It would be nice to have some posts on there from all of us. Posts saying goodbye, or telling a funny story, or sharing who Dad was to each of us. I would like that. So I'm hoping that people will send me their "tributes" and I can post them. Don't let the word "tribute" weigh you down though. Maybe all you have are some song lyrics. Whatever. If you'd like to say it, I'd like to post it.

I'll start.

(You can send your post to my email address, (ykcebmail@yahoo.ca) or as a message on facebook, and I'll put it up on the page.)

Feeling Better Feels Worse

Back before Dr. Phil went all Jerry Springer, I watched this show where we was helping a woman who could not "move on" after her daughter died. I don't remember much more about the episode other than him telling her, "The depth, breadth, and longevity of your grief are not a reflection of how much you cared about the person."

Huh. That made way more sense to me when I heard it the first time.

Usually I am pretty sad. Usually, if I let myself think at all, I cry. But I'm finding more and more that I can push away the grief when I want to. I can even hold it together through things like cancer commercials, "The official sponsor of birthdays," and finding his reading glasses in the garage... More and more.

Which is heart wrenching. It's very painful to discover that losing someone isn't as painful as it first was. So days when it doesn't hurt so much... End up hurting just as much, if that makes any sense. Which I suppose, it doesn't ha…

Spike

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I gave Sam and Ben spikey hair when I shampooed their hair today. Ben's spikes didn't even last long enough for me to get the mirror. He's very conservative, and he likes his hair "smooth" so he patted it down before I could show him how he looked. Sam, on the other hand laughed like crazy when he saw himself and made these pleased noises that he makes when he's really happy about something. Then he cried when I rinsed out the shampoo.

So afterward I broke out the gel and here is the result:

He says this is how he always wants his hair now. "Very spikey." I like it too. I think it suits his personality. If only his name was Micah...

In other news, today was Hannah's seven month birthday. Head on over to her blog for some pictures of our celebration. I'll try and get up the video footage tonight too, or for sure by tomorrow.

Oh crap, I still have to post something.

Here. Watch this:



Totally my favorite commercial right now. Makes me LOL every time I watch it.

Treasure

Amy and her girls are stopping by our house tonight, so I won't have time to write later. Lucky for me, my new blogging friend Crystal reminded me of this story. Go listen to it, but maybe skip the first bit and start listening about eleven minutes in. And if you have a really short attention span then start listening at around seventeen or eighteen minutes. Trust me on this, you won't regret it. Good stuff. My dad used to love listening to the vinyl cafe, and this is one is one of my favorites. I'll have to find the tool one or the one about the jock strap and post them later. I think those were two of his favorites...

But for now listen to this one. And enjoy. :)

Dear Sam,

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You are a sweet boy. And your Mommy is sorry.

Today, while Hannah was napping, I put some Toopy and Binoo on for you and went upstairs to lie down for a while. It wasn't five minutes before you were calling for me. "Sammy! Be quiet! Hannah is sleeping." You called me again. "Sammy! That's enough! Watch your show! Shhhhhhhh!" And one more time you called me. "If you want something then come here!"

"I can't..."

"Well then, be quiet and watch your show!"

And you, sweet boy, were quiet.

After twenty minutes or so I got up to use the washroom and as I walked down the hallway you saw me and started crying again. With another "Shhhhhh!" ready on my lips I looked down the stairs and saw this:
Stuck. In Hannah's chair.

"Sammy! Why didn't you tell me you were stuck?"

"Because you said shhhhhhh!"

Oh dear.

So Mommy is sorry. I should have come to see what you wanted when you said you couldn't come a…

Supposed To

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I'm not supposed to be looking at my computer screen right now.
I'm supposed to be on a plane flying to Seattle. Ben is supposed to be on the seat beside me looking out the window as we take off from Vancouver. I'm supposed to be pointing out boats and islands as they pass beneath the plane. Hannah is supposed to be on my lap sleeping in an outfit I picked out just for Mom and Dad. There are supposed to be presents from home for them in my suitcase. Dad and Mom are supposed to be excited to see two of their grandkids again. Mom is supposed to have the key to the apartment I was supposed to stay in on the floor below them, and she's supposed to be fussing over Dad and trying to think of things to tempt his appetite, but be kind to his kidneys. She's supposed to be planning supper for all of us. I'm supposed to be excited and happy to hug my Dad in just over an hour. Dad is supposed to be alive and getting better with a whole week of being together in front of us.…

Empty Spots

I sit and stare
At that spot there
You sat with my...
Your little guy

And when I'm there
I look just where
You watched TV...
On the floor iced tea

And that place where
You could repair
Tools all around...
But now no sound

And if I dare
I look at where
Your life made mine...
Now empty.

NaBloPoMo and How I'm Doing

It's NaBolPoMo.

Should I? Or shouldn't I?

I have a lot to say right now, which is a good argument for should. However, most of what I have to say is depressing, which is a pretty good argument for shouldn't.

It's not like I'm forcing anyone to read this though.

I figure I can start, and if it turns out to be too wearing on me, (another argument for shouldn't) then I'll just quit. If I don't start today, and then I decide I want to tomorrow, it'll be too late.

... So here goes...

Today I went to church for the first time since Dad died. I've been dreading it. Dealing with other people's feelings is incredibly... Overwhelming? Tiring? Hurtful? It's strange, because I know people only want to help, but hurtful really is a very accurate word. I'll tell you why.

I've already mentioned that Dad's death feels very unreal to me. Talking to other people about it makes it more real and more painful. That's the easy answer, but it's no…