Keep Breathing

Imagine someone lying injured and bleeding somewhere. Someone discovers them, surveys the damage and tells them, "You're alive. That's enough. Just keep breathing."

A while ago, I would have thought that was an insensitive thing to say. Everything we know tells us that just breathing is not enough. There is a way to fix things, to stop the bleeding, to bind the wounds, to speed the healing. Telling someone to just keep breathing, to keep living because you have to... That's not enough. There must be something we can do, that they can do. Because there should be more. There should be healing, and wholeness, and hope. At least there should be hope. They should be able to want more, and find a way to get there, and a true friend should help them to see that, and maybe even help them get it.

But now, I see what a relief it is. To have it put so clearly. When something terrible happens it feels like there are a million things to do. Let go. Never forget. Forgive. Hold it in. Let it out. Be grateful. Pray. Be vulnerable. Be strong. Let people help you. Learn to stand on your own. Cry. Smile. Laugh again. Be wounded. Heal. HEAL. (That's a big one.)

It's too much. It's a relief to focus on one thing. Keep going. Keep breathing. Keep walking. Keep living. If you can do that for long enough...

Someone said something like that for Mom a while back. She was out for lunch and someone asked her how she was, with that sad please-break-down-and-cry-right-here-in-public-so-I-can-comfort-you look that we are all way too familiar with now, and another lady replied for Mom, "She's fine, because she has to be."

And that's it.

I would love to lay down and stop breathing. I think about it often. Stop hurting. Stop missing. Just stop. But I can't. So I breath. And I do the things I need to do. Because I have to.

And that's enough for now. It has to be.

A friend burned this song onto a disc for me. I cry every time I listen to it. And I let go of all the other stuff that I, or other people, expect of me or want for me. I let it go and I focus. On breathing.

Comments

  1. Becky, you are so real and true and beautiful. I wish you the strength to hold your head up high and take the next few years to heal. Please post an updated picture of your beautiful children and embrace them because they will get you thru. And NEVER stop breathing because you have made a difference in my life.

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  2. I've never been a big believer in dealing with things right now. I'm a firm believer in staying afloat in whatever way you have to and knowing that there's no shame in that. You don't have to be okay, or heal or smile right now. Not to us.

    Love you.

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  3. The song is not loading here either.

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  4. The song worked and it was amazing.

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  5. This song is so true for me, that I knew you'd dig it too. Much love, grrrl.

    [Hey, so you know where I first heard that song? (you'll love this) Grey's! It was right after Burke left Christina at the altar.]

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  6. I remember hearing to just take it one day at a time and if you couldn't do that to just take things one hour or even a minute at a time. That really helped me.

    You aren't going to be completely "healed" or "recovered" from this loss for a long time. And it will be in your own time not someone else's. That's what I've been telling myself lately. Grieving is such a personal thing.

    Some days are better than others. I hope and pray that you are having more good ones than bad or at least are able to have some moments of Joy.

    -Dana

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  7. Becky you are teaching me things I never knew, your honesty is refreshing and I'm applying it to other situations where someone has lost a loved one. I agree with Tammy; you have made a difference in my life and in so many others, please take your time, keep expressing yourself - and yes, keep breathing. The song is beautiful. Love you Becky, you delicate Daisy you...

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