Dell Can Byte Me

On this, the second day of nablopomo, I was going to write a post inspired by Sheila's first nablopomo post this year, but I have something else on my mind, so I'll save that post for later.

What's on my mind? It's a long story, and I'd probably better start at the beginning...

Once upon a time there was a little princess with bright red hair on her head and mischief in her heart. One cold and windy day princess Hannah with the bright red hair and mischief in her heart went for a drive with her mommy who had plain brown hair and just finding a few seconds of peace in her heart. And when she arrived home, princess Hannah with mischief in her heart took advantage of the few seconds her mommy took to hang up her bright pink coat to pour Diet Pepsi into her mommy's pretty green laptop.

Oh no! Her mommy rushed to the laptop to turn it off and unplug it and pull out the battery and flip it over. Then her mommy grabbed an absorbent towel to sop the Pepsi out of the keyboard, before taking the laptop to the sink and running tap water into it. (Why? Because she had no distilled water, that's why.) Then her mommy dried off the keyboard again and turned it upside down over top of a heating vent, where she left it for a little over a week.

And when princess Hannah's mommy with plain brown hair and hope in her heart finally turned the green laptop back on... It worked! Perfectly! Except for the keyboard. (Why? Because somewhere in the middle of the steps listed above, princess Hannah's mommy gave into her impatient nature and turned on her laptop just to see what would happen, that's why. And she fried the keyboard, or the part of it that plugs into the motherboard anyways.)

So princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair and sadness in her heart did some research online.
After that, she talked to a minion from the evil Kingdom of Dell, where the pretty green laptop had been rescued from not so long ago. And the ignorant minion from the Kingdom of Dell told princess Hannah's mommy that she would have to pay FIVE HUNDRED golden coins to heal the beautiful green laptop. (Which is almost what it cost to rescue the laptop in the first place.) The minion insisted that the only thing that could be done was to replace the motherboard.

This enraged princess Hannah's mommy with plain brown hair on her head and a deep burning rage in her heart. Why? Because a while back, when the pretty green laptop had a broken power jack, another minion had told her that the only thing that could be done was to replace the motherboard for, you guessed it, five hundred golden coins. This was proved to be false by princess Hannah's fabulous uncle, Dale the Clever, when he fixed the power jack with a part that was purchased from the Kingdom of Ebay for only fifteen golden pieces plus another three golden pieces for shipping.

So, after she told off the most recent ignorant minion, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair and rage in her heart went back to the Kingdom of Ebay and spent the trifling sum of twenty golden pieces (including shipping) to buy a new keyboard. Then she waited.

Which was easier said than done. As mentioned earlier in our story, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair has NO patience in her heart, and suffered greatly every day as she used an on-screen keyboard to painstakingly conduct her daily correspondence and tend to her many kingdoms scattered across the empire:

Oh, the humanity!

After many days of excruciating torture, the new keyboard finally arrived. And a few brief minutes later, princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair on her head and victory in her heart, who isn't NEARLY as skilled as Dale the Clever, with no training at all and only a how to page to guide her, was gleefully typing on her new working keyboard.

And the moral of the story is, never buy a Dell, and if you do, don't bother calling tech support if something goes wrong, because you're WAY better off without them. Unless you actually do need a new motherboard, because I think they can do that, lol. (Although, I found some in the Kingdom of Ebay for much cheaper than they were offering... So... ???)

AND what do you think princess Hannah's mommy with the plain brown hair on her head and VENGEANCE in her heart will be doing tomorrow? If you guessed calling, and then emailing Dell, you guessed right. Because princess Hannah's mommy is in the mood for a little fun, yes she is.


  1. tell the BEST stories. And I love a good ending. So happy for Princess Hannah's Mommy (with the soft, beautiful, curly, blonde, radiant hair).

  2. So, since you mastered that, let me tell you that if you have the old NES system (8bit) and want your old games to play like new you can replace the 72 pin connector and you will never have to clean or blow on a game again! I was able to buy mine for 7 dollars and it was the best thing ever. I can play Zelda all day long with no glitches!
    Just saying.

    (are they trying to say "oven baked"?)

  3. No, they are trying to say "over da back".

    Princess Mommy only thinks she has brown hair. In fact she is not even a dirty blond, she is a blond. Yeash. Mirror Mirror on the wall....Show Queen Mommy how her hair falls.


  4. this made travis the fat (with the bright red beard) laugh a lot.

  5. Then princess mommy slew the dragon Dell and lived happily ever after.
    I love it when I see humour relating to a maddening situation.
    Like you I cry for any and all reasons. Do not despair it is a safety valve and a necessary one at that. It will keep your blood pressure down. As a matter of fact more people should cry, it would make for a better world if we cried more for the love of humanity. Be Well.

  6. I always love a good Princess Hannah story. And one that involves telling off a tech support guy. Shhh. Don't tell Peter. I console him every day after work when jerks like me call in.

    plest. As is the Lord has surely plest me? What's with the word verification stuff.

  7. @Melanie
    It's as if they ALMOST know what words are, but not quite yet. LOL.



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