He Opens a Window

God helps those who help themselves. That's a dumb thing to say. For one thing, it isn't even close to biblical, for another it always seems to be said at the dumbest times. It goes hand in hand with "If you believe, you shall receive," which isn't a dumb thing to say if you don't say it to someone whose dad is only a few hours away from losing his fight with cancer. Sometimes people believe things and say things without thinking very much about how what they believe and say could be - for lack of a better word - wrong. Or at least, not accurate, and definitely not helpful.

Someone said to me, after Dad died, (I hate writing that, "died") that "When God closes a door He opens a window." What a dumb thing to say. First of all, it made no sense. I'm sure they said it just because they couldn't think of anything to say. (Tip: If you can't think of something to say to someone who is hurting, it's the perfect time to say, "I can't think of anything to say to you. I want to say something to help, but I know I can't say anything that will help." Because seriously, when you can't think of something to say that's JUST when you will say the dumbest thing ever. Trust me. I do it all the time.)

The other day, for some reason, I was thinking of that. I still think it's a dumb thing to say to someone who just lost their dad, or their job, or their boyfriend, or their whatever. And people always say it, to each other, and to themselves. But I was thinking of it the other day anyways.

This is the thing I thought: No one ever goes in a window when the door is right there wide open. They don't even climb through a window when the door is just shut. But on occasion, something happens and you can't get in the door, so you have to go in through the window. It's hard, but if you have no other way to get inside you scramble through, and usually fall on your face when your foot gets hooked on the windowsill.

Personally, I would be lying if I said I'm not mad that the door's closed, that I'm not mad that I knocked and knocked and begged and screamed to be let in through the door I've always gone through. And the one who could keep it open, for at least a while longer, stood on the other side and let me cry. That's how it feels on this side of the door. I know people will tell me that He was standing there with me, but I have never felt more alone then when I was standing there pounding on this side just wanting to go through the rest of my life the easier way, the way with Dad in it.

But that way is closed... For now. And I still think it's a dumb thing to say, but it sums up this last year. I didn't choose to get through this year like this, but I did get through... Because it was the only way. And maybe it will never be as easy as it used to be to get through. I think it probably won't. But that's life. My life and many other people's lives.

We've propped up ladders and put chairs on the other side to step onto so it's not as hard as it was when we first found the door shut tight, but still, we're scrambling through windows and it sucks.

So, as a comment on how life sometimes sucks, but you do what you have to do to get through it, I guess it makes sense. There is always a way, and hopefully you still feel God there with you making sure that way, even though it's harder, is open for you. But as a comment that's meant to make you feel better when you feel like your whole world is being taken away? Lame.

That's what I was thinking anyways.


  1. I never liked that saying. I never got what it meant. Or the one that says, "When one door closes, another door opens." Dumb. Maybe sometimes all the doors are shut. And maybe sometimes another door opens, but that doesn't mean it's better and it doesn't mean the loss you feel gets any better. And sometimes when the other door opens, all it does it take you back to the first door. It's just a dumb saying if you ask me and not biblical at all.
    And what are they trying to say? That your Dad will be replaced? That you will get a new dad all shiny and new? That when He opens the window what? Totally dumb. Someone dying (especially someone we love to death) is not a door closing anyway. It's a lot more than that. Because while their physical presence is missing...their spiritual presence is always there. And while that should give us comfort (and sometimes it does), it mostly just makes us miss them more. Because we can't hug a spiritual presence and we can't hear their voice and we can't hear their laugh and we can't really ever go on in the same way we did before. So I guess in that respect your thinking about climbing in the window makes sense, because it's a new path we have to take whether we want to or not. But I agree....some of the sayings people come up with are just completely dumb.



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Becky needs"

Last Year

Another One For My List