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Showing posts from January, 2011

This Week I'm Gonna...

Don't read this. It's super boring, and I'm mostly just writing it down to sort it all out in my own head, and because lists motivate me. And really, don't you hate reading about the stuff that other people need to get done? Like, "Oooo! I'm so impressed that you have stuff to get done. Join the club hoser." Or maybe that's just me, lol. I am a cranky hag sometimes. The rest of you are probably a lot nicer than I am.

Monday: Laundry. I'm about.... Five loads behind. I don't know how that happened since it feels like I've been doing laundry every day. That's not counting the two loads sitting in baskets that need to be folded and put away. So that's during the day. It should be interesting because Hannah LOVES messing up piles of nicely folded laundry. In the evening I'll be at soccer with the boys. Also, MY KINDLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TOMORROW!

Tuesday: Demo day. I'm gonna get all the tile off walls in the kitchen. And take…

I Don't Have It So Bad

In my lowest times, I try to remind myself that I don't have it so bad. For one thing, I had a great dad, one who made everything better, someone who always made even the happiest of times seem more full of joy and meaning. I think of my baptism and my wedding and how having him there made a wonderful perfect day somehow more wonderful. He did that all the time. He was that kind of dad. I was blessed to have him for as long as I did. Losing him doesn't, can't, change that.

And I have a beautiful family. I have a sister who makes me laugh, who I can cry with, who could not possibly be more dear to me. I have two wonderful brothers who somehow make me feel both protective and protected, and they have brought two fantastic girls into my life who I love more every day I know them, and who fit in so well with our family. I have a super adorable niece and two fab nephews who light up my life, and who are so cute I can barely stand it. I have a mom who is my best friend. She knows…

Babies Crying in Snow: A Retrospective

Image
Remember this?
And this?
Here's the pink version:
(Oh come on. You know you want to laugh.)

Belief

So those are the two things I'm struggling with. I suppose I've always struggled with those things, but when Dad was diagnosed... No. Before then even. The day he was first admitted to the hospital, before the official diagnosis, I remember sitting on my bed after I'd hung up the phone and first moaning, and then screaming. No. Just NO. Because I couldn't face this. Because this was going to change my whole world. Because I knew my faith was not strong enough to make it through unscathed.

It's not fair that other people still have their dad's and it's not fair that my kids don't have a grampa. And they had the best one too. It's not fair that my mom is going on vacation alone, and it's not fair that Mike can't introduce his new girl to dad so he could tease her and make her laugh, and it's not fair that Jonathan doesn't have any pictures of Dad with Nathaniel, and it's not fair that my sister thinks about who she would ask to wal…

Everything Happens For A Reason

I believe that. It's basic cause and effect. If you don't believe everything happens for a reason you're dumb, because it does.

A ball goes through a window. There's a reason. Someone hit it, or dropped it, or threw it. Or maybe it fell from space after Wile E. Coyote hit it up there with a rocket powered Acme baseball bat. And whoever put the ball into motion probably had a reason for doing one of those things.

HOWEVER, it does not follow that everything happens for a good reason, or even an intelligent one.

Here's an example. On January 8th a little girl was killed in Arizona. There was a reason, actually there were lots of them, but some people thought it was a good reason. Some people thought it was God's reason, that He sent the shooter. They are the kinds of people who believe that everything happens for a reason in the way that I don't believe it. Because I don't believe that God orders every aspect of our lives. I don't believe that God is h…

Fair Isn't Always Equal

That's one of my core teaching philosophies. (I bet you are all super stoked about this post right now, hey? What an exciting title and introduction!)

As a little girl, of course, I thought much differently. And sometimes in regular life I forget that that's what I believe. Like when I think I should get exactly what everyone else around me gets, and I should only have to work as hard as everyone around me is working, and... You get the picture.

In school, when you're the gal in charge of a group of kids, it becomes clear very quickly that you can't treat all the children in your class equally. It wouldn't be fair. Because the fact is kids aren't the same. Oh, we like to tell them they are. We like to say things like "You can be whatever you want," and "We're all the same inside," but we're can't, and we're not.

It's a sad but true fact of life that some kids are smarter. Some are more talented, charming, popular, and hard w…

New Rules

Well, it's been a while.

I think I need to make up some kind of rule for myself or it'll be months before I post again. And I do like posting here. I do.

Maybe my rule should be once a week. I could do that I think. I like typing. It makes me feel very professional. I like the clickity click of the keyboard. I like watching the words form up on the screen. That's good stuff.

Part of the problem is that I still often feel like what I really want to say, and what is really important to me, is not what other people want to hear. And that feeling is just getting stronger as time goes on and the world moves on without us.

I think I need to make it so my blog posts don't show up on facebook. Because when my posts go to facebook I know there are people who are reading who really don't care. Or who really don't know me. And that part doesn't bother me that much really, but even if the people who come here don't care and don't know me, it's their problem.…