Posts

Showing posts from 2012

Appreciating

Done!

I was going to post a cheerful video of some kind of celebration song off of youtube, but I couldn't remember which ones I've used in NaBloPoMos of the past... So I looked at all of my end of the month posts to see which ones I've used before.

At first things were going fine, and then I came to 2009. Which hurt to read. So I read the first paragraph and moved on. I figured 2008 couldn't be worse, but I think it actually hurt more. I'd forgotten about what inspired the whole 2008 post and the comment from my dad about it. I'd forgotten that he mentioned how much he would love being a grampa to a little girl. (Which, of course, he did... For the short time that he got to do that.)

I miss Dad's comments on here. I don't let myself think about it often, and I try not to dwell on how much I miss him everywhere, all the time, in all situations, but it's been a rough week I suppose and seeing those things he'd written pulled it all up to the fron…

In The Beginning

Image
Well. There it is. Before the Extreme Barbie Home Makeover. My friend Karen and I set up all the furniture and rearranged the rooms a couple times after I took this picture. It's all very exciting. I can hardly wait to start.

I think Hannah's brain may explode when she sees this. You should have seen Sam's when he discovered what was under the blue sheet in my room tonight.

Happy. Happy happy happy.

This Counts

I posted.

When Tomorrow Comes

Image
One thing, before I start. Has anyone else noticed that November is a really long month?)

Sunday evening, December 30, I want to be eating a raspberry frozen yogurt (or maybe nachos and cheese) (or maybe BOTH) and this is what I want to be watching:


(Even though it really grinds my gears that Anne Hathaway can sing too. That doesn't seem quite fair to me.) 

Who's coming with me?

TMI?

Who's ready for some information? 

I used to get migraines while I was pregnant. I swear I had a headache the whole last two months (or more) of my last pregnancy. I think it's the hormones. No, I know it's the hormones.

Because now, ever since being pregnant with Hannah, I always get a migraine on the first or second (or both every now and then) day of my period. It's brutal. As if the bloating, cramps, and moodiness wasn't enough, I now get to suffer through some additional nausea, light sensitivity, dizziness, and pounding pain. Fab.

And I'm not totally sure, but I think I've noticed a pattern... Near the end of my last few periods, ever since this summer, I've been getting bouts of vertigo, which I've never experienced before. We'll see if it happens again this month.

So that's what you get today. All I can manage is a whine session. (I hate my period. Especially now that there is no point. Pointless suffering is stupid.) And a moan. Here i…

Blessings

Image
I was backing up all my photos last week and I came across this winner. Look at them. Can I just say that I love LOVE these wackos? I do.

They make me laugh every day. EVERY single day. They make me want to be a better person and they make me see in myself the beauty I had never noticed till they came along. They make each day an adventure. They make me so happy, that sometimes when I look at them, when I listen to their little voices laughing or singing, when I feel their little hands slip into mine, my heart is so full I can hardly breath. They fill my day with choas and colour and cuddles.

And they make me glad for bedtime. SO glad.

They make me feel deeply grateful and completely overcome that they have been entrusted to me to care for, to teach, to pray for and love. I am blessed.

Friendship

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." 
~Albert Schweitzer

Whoops!

Image
Almost forgot to post. And since I'm in a hurry all you get is this photo of Fritti and Sam playing hide and seek.


Let It Begin!

Image
Today Hannah and I went to the fabric store and she (unkowingly) helped me pick some fabric to decorate her new (to her) Barbie house with. Can you guess which ones she picked and which ones were all me?

Prepare yourself, because I'm going to be posting about this project a LOT.

I Got Nothing

Image
So here is one item from my Christmas list:

My friend Ang made me apple cinnamon waffles at her house a week or two ago. You heard me. Apple cinnamon! And that's when I knew... I need a waffle iron.

Ho Ho Holy Smokes These Commercials Make Me Cry

Image
Christmas commercials. Every year someone puts one out that makes me bawl like I'm back in the movie theatre watching ET for the first time. This year Canadian Tire wins my prize for the best sappy commercial out there. (A sodden kleenex.)


It doesn't help that the kid's name is Sam, or that it's a CANADIAN TIRE ad. (Just the smell of that store can make me cry.) Or that the song is amazing. Stinking Canadian Tire... Dissolving me into a puddle of nostalgia at any time of the day or night. Honestly. I could have sworn I had blogged about a Christmas Commercial from auld lang syne that used to have me instantly crying, but I can't find it anywhere on here. So I'll post it now. Get yourself a tissue, because it's an oldy but a goody.


(Yes, facebook friends. I realize this is a bit redundant, but you try to come up with something interesting to say every day for a month. Actually, try coming up with something to say, never mind something interesting, every da…

Missing

Just got home. I swear I already posted today, haven't I? Sometimes I really question the point of this, but I can't stop. I've come too far to give up now...

Today I give you a list of things that are missing in our home right now that are making me crazy:
My keys. Including my house and van keys. This one is bothering me the most. For obvious reasons. My glasses. In their case at least. If they're lost, it's nice to know they aren't getting all scratched up. Sigh.Sam's red mitten. Hannah's Rapunzel Barbie doll. This one is somewhere at Jonathan and Melissa's. We looked everywhere with no luck. One day soon Melissa is going to find her where Hannah left her... In a jacket sleeve or cereal box or some other completely impossible to find location. It makes me CRAZY when Hannah put things in places only a lunatic or a three-year-old would think of. My debit card. This one is actually bothering me the least. I lose my debit card once every couple of mon…

That. Was. AWESOME!!!!!!!

Image
... And not even in the usual so-bad-it's-good way. (Although, it still had it's moments. Melissa and I had to work very hard to supress a couple of pretty serious giggle fits.)

Frick. That was the most fun I've had at a movie in a looooooooong time. Actually, since the second in the series. Remember this? Ahhhhhhh... Good times.

Anyways, that was so fun. Partly because I got to go with the two best things my brother's have ever done for me. And partly because IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! And finally, because Melissa was right, there is nothing as fun as watching a Twilight movie with a bunch of crazy Twihards on opening weekend.

And, oh yeah, also because of this guy:


Garrett. My new favourite blood sucker. Ohhhhhhhhhh yeah.

Can't Talk Now

Image
Very busy.

Owie

Last night I hurt my back. I have no idea how. I thought I'd sleep it off and wake up ready to go, but that didn't happen. Presently, I can walk, but if I do I start sweating and panting like a dog, it hurts so badly. Driving here was excruciating. (Here being Borden.) But we made it.

I stopped at London Drugs and got some over the counter muscle relaxers, the box said to take one tablet and if that didn't work to take one more. So obviously I took two. I'm writing this post quickly just in case that was a big mistake.

Bad News

You know what sucks? When you start a series on Netflix, but fail to notice that that series is only nine episodes long. Argh. (And only three of them are on Netflix, the others I'll have to find somewhere else.)

That's all you get today.

Missing Camera

This summer we took the kids for a canoe ride on the most beautiful evening. The lake was so calm, the kids were adorable, the sun was setting... It was perfect. And I took some great pictures of all of us in the canoe together. I'd love to post one of those photos for you, but on our way back to the dock I dropped the camera in the lake.

Glen jumped in the water (it was at Good Spirit lake, which is basically waste deep no matter where you go) and tried to find it, but the water was murky and the sun had set... So we took note of some nearby reeds and resolved to go back the next morning to look. We did. We couldn't find it. And I said to Glen something like, "I wouldn't even care, but I want the pictures of our canoe ride off of the memory card." I had just backed everything up that day, so all I was missing was those pictures of that evening. "Maybe someone will find it someday, and look at the photos on the memory card, and we'll get it back like tha…

In My Dream

So, the dream.

When I dream it is very rare that I don't realize I'm dreaming. I can often change the dream to suit myself, or defy the rules of the natural world, because I know I'm dreaming. This doesn't mean that dreams don't affect me, or frighten me sometimes, it just means that usually I can wake myself up, or fix things so that everything turns out all right in the end.

Some dreams don't need fixing though, and then all I need to do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

The other night I dreamed I was subbing. This is a pretty common dream of mine. I was subbing in a high school though, which is a little unusual. Also unusual was that the high school students went outside for recess to play on the playground. I was not expecting this so I hadn't brought winter boots, and since it was very snowy I was running around at recess time trying to find some boots to wear for outdoor supervision.

That's when the trouble started. The vice principal, a woman in a…

Confession Time

Image
I was staring out the window trying to think of something to post about when my eyes wandered over to this thing sitting by the window...


I've mentioned it before, but I used to LOVE my pets, and then grew to almost HATE them. I think something about having little ones in the house made me intolerant of any other thing needing my affection or care. I won't say I hated our cats with a burning passion near the end, but it was a very close thing. I loved being a pet-free family, and I never would have got another pet for myself. I made the supreme sacrifice for the kids, and was dreading all the things that come with owning a pet.

So here's the confession: I love this dumb cat. He makes me happy. I love reading a book with him puring on my lap. I love playing with him and his feather toy on my bed. (Yes, I even let him on my bed.) I love his furry paws and ears. I love that when he plays with us he never uses his claws, none of us have ever been scratched by him. I love that h…

Can't Talk Now

Image
Very busy.

Snow Day

Image
(Uhhhhh... I didn't remember that I used a picture as a post yesterday when I formulated today's post in my head. Maybe I'll add some words...)

Today we woke up to a winter wonderland. I snowed a lot and just kept on snowing. And snowing. And snowing. Hannah is VERY happy, because to her snow means Christmas, and all of the false starts and then thaws have been very hard on her.

We tried to shovel the driveway today. I sent the kids to the backyard after Sam thought it would be fun to throw himself in front of my shovel onto the pile of snow I was pushing. It only took me an hour to realise that I had no hope of being able to clear enough snow to get out of the driveway on my own.

So I gave up and went inside to make the kids a blanket fort... Which we had to take down a couple of hours later when Fritti went batshit crazy and attacked the fort and the children underneath it.

Sam taught Hannah to write H's. I have to brag a little here now. My children are wonderful. …

Let It Snow

Image
Since we've no place to go...

The Stuff of Nightmares

Image
I used to clean hotel rooms. At a pretty nice hotel. And, like at most hotels, we had to clean sixteen rooms a day. During our training they took us through a thirty minute cleaning routine. Half an hour a room, for sixteen rooms, works out to a regular eight hour shift. Makes sense right?

Totally. If you don't count the half hour lunch break and two fifteen minute coffee breaks. And if you don't count the half hour or so we spent stocking our carts and running around looking for enough towels to finish our rooms, and all kinds of little things that slowed us down.

So, what do you do if are still expected to clean sixteen rooms in eight hours? You cut corners. Gross. It's gross. And even if we didn't cut corners, did you know that hotels RARELY wash the blankets and comforters in the rooms? I did. At the hotel I worked for four months I only remember the comforters being washed... Wait for it... Once.

And have you ever thought about all the things that could (and DO) h…

A Post. A Day.

Gah.

I've got nothing. Just a dream I want to tell you about, but I'm not in the mood. So can I just say that Modern Family is my favourite show in the whole world? I think it is. Part way because I'm watching it right now. When I'm watching Downton Abbey it's my favourite show. And Grey's. Or at least it was for a long time. The last little while has been a lot to handle, but I think I like it again.

And... ... ... There's my post. I bet you feel like signing into your google your account to read this was a total waste of time.

Don't Judge Me

Image
I just bought my tickets to go see this movie on opening weekend with Jenelyn and Melissa and all the crazies.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes.

Bus Post

Writing my blog. On the bus. Because buses have free wifi. Did you know that? I didn't. I used my phone's "hotspot" (also a knew concept to me) for a bit on the way to Regina, but I didn't want to get charged roaming fees, so I read the rest of the way. But now my book is done, and I don't feel like watching the movie I put on my laptop in case I got bored. And all the old people I talked to on the way are sleeping on the way back. (Disturbingly, I have a LOT of things in common with a bus full of old people.) So I decided I didn't care about roaming fees and turned on my hotspot to sign so I could internet it up and... What's this? STC Bus 778? Yesssssssssssss.

I went to Regina today for an appointment with a dermatologist to see if we could figure out why my arms have open sores all over them. She said what I thought she'd say. She doesn't know. Let's run some more tests and try some more creams and take some more antihistamines. I think …

Sidetrack

Image
All right... I'm out of ideas. lol

So let's go back to November first when I mentioned something about more than my ankle being broken, but didn't explain it because I wanted to save that story for a whole new post. This is that whole new post. Right here. Right now.

I went to the doctor for a physical this spring. I hate physicals, but I got this reminder in the mail that I was overdue for a pap test, so I booked it. I had originally been putting it off because I started running, and I had this idea that I would knock my doctor's socks off with my weight loss and healthy new bod. (I'm halfway to being in love with my doctor.) And then I broke my ankle, so I put it off even longer, and then I got the reminder thingy in the mail. So I booked it, even though the weight loss and my healthy new bod were a thing of the past.

Anyways, (I get sidetracked SO easily hey?) during the appointment Dr. Fourie was checking out my ankle and then pushed on my leg up near my knee …

Speaking of Candy...

Image
ljhkjhkj
So I did it. And it was FUNNY. The boys made me play this video four times before I told them to go do something else. Their favourite part is when Sam head butts me. I think it's mine too. Either that or Ben's initial reaction, "MOOOOOOOOMMY!!!" So exasperated. He really does have to put up with a lot.

I love those two chuckle heads. 

(I'll post it on facebook tomorrow for everyone else, but there has to be SOME perk to logging on here.)

I Never Learn

Two nights ago I took my last antidepressant. Not my LAST last. But the last one in the bottle. I think I've written about what happens when I miss a dose before, but in case you don't remember I'll just tell you it's not pretty. So, since I've learned my lesson I immediately called the pharmacy to order a refill. I did it before I even went to sleep and left the empty bottle out in the open to remind me to pick it up the next morning.

I did not pick it up the next morning.

I forgot until bedtime that night when I usually take my pill. Argh. That's okay though. I'll just pick it up FIRST THING tomorrow before I take Hannah to dance and I should still be okay. Only, I ran out of time to do it before dance and told myself I'd do it after and then we danced which was so fun it completely wiped the pharmacy off of the white board in my brain. So I went home.

And did it occur to me as my severe flu symptoms started to develop over the afternoon that this mi…

The Same, But Different

Image
What to post... What to post... 

It's harder to think of something to write for NaBloPoMo with facebook around. I used up all my good ideas already today.

Like this one:

This is how my day started. I found this on the kitchen table this morning. Which wouldn't be that interesting, except that this is how my day started exactly a year ago:



This one was on the floor though, so that was different. 

Also different was that after I posted this picture of a chewed up and discarded (gross) candy on facebook I didn't walk downstairs right after and break the crap out of my ankle. (And my leg. Did I ever tell you guys that story? I don't think so. Excellent. Another post already firgured out.) So already this year's NaBloPoMo is looking pretty good to me. Plus I cleaned my room today. And I folded all the laundry and PUT IT AWAY. (That almost NEVER happens. I wash it. I dry it. That's as far as things usually get.) Why is it that I feel so much more relaxed when things aro…

Happy New Year

Image
Ever since we lost Dad I've stopped counting January first as the start of a new year. I count my years starting on October ninth. Or maybe finishing would be more accurate. It's another year that I've made it through without him here. And this one was a doozer. I'm so glad it's over. I feel like this next one will be better. It HAS to be better. I just have to make it through the rest of today. And honestly, not counting the October ninth that we actually had to say goodbye to Dad, this one was by far and away the hardest. Actually, the pain seems almost worse now than it did then, because I know what it is to be without him now. I didn't know then. I didn't know what our lives would look like without him.

I thought all day about what I'd like to write today. I didn't come up with anything. I kept opening up the screen for a new post and staring at it, trying to find words to explain the pain of today, but I couldn't find them.

So I looked at so…

It's Time

Three years ago today we spent our last full day with Dad. This was the last day he told us he loves us. A lot. This was the last time he told me, "Don't go there Becky" when he noticed me crying in the corner of his ICU room. This was the day I brought him the picture Ben had drawn of them fishing and he cried because he missed him so much. This was the day he couldn't take anymore and he told Mom and the doctors and nurses he was done with all the needles and treatments and machines. This was the day I begged him to stay, to come home with us, to fight. This was the day he promised to keep trying. For us. 

It haunts me a little, how much I asked of him that day, how much I was willing to let him suffer as long as it meant we could keep him. And it does comfort me that he was STILL willing to do that. He never chose to leave us. Through all of the pain, and sickness, and fear, and humiliation, he fought.

Which brings me to why I've chosen, for now, to make my blog…

Father's Day

Image
I miss Dad. I think of him everyday and I miss him. Somedays, it's only a passing thought, a little moment of sad that comes and goes when I remember and wish he was here. Other days it still has the power to take my breath away and I still can't quite manage the pain that comes with remembering he was here, he was HERE, and he's not anymore.

I'd like to say there are times when I remember and I'm happy. Just happy. But there aren't yet. Even happy memories hurt because they always end with me wishing he was here. I'm not sure that there's not something wrong with me, how much I miss him still, how much it still hurts.

I sometimes think about how I felt when we first found out he was sick and I thought, "I can't do this. We CAN'T lose him. He can't go." I can't. I thought that over and over and over. That was a long time ago, but I still think that sometimes, just the same as I did years ago.

But as much as I miss my dad, I…

Time Travel

I often find myself wishing, with everything in me, that I was a time traveller. It's ridiculous, but I think about it all the time. For obvious reasons, like hugs from people I miss, and those not so obvious...

Tonight I'm thinking of a phone call I wouldn't have answered. And you know, it was against the law to answer it anyways because I was driving... Happily driving along, chatting with my kids about happy things. Kind of excited to hear the phone ring. Happier when I saw the call display, because it was someone who I liked talking to.

I find, that I am often at my worst when I am happy, REALLY happy, before one of life's stormy interactions hit. Do you find that? Has that ever happened to you? One minute you're happily driving along with no idea a storm is right there around the corner, and when it arrives, (or you arrive in it) there aren't any dark clouds on the horizon to warn you. There are no little intermittent drops of rain on your windshield. Your w…

Miss You

Image
"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them, or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were by your side." - Author Unknown

Wish you were here Dad. Wish I could buy you something from Canadian Tire for your birthday. Wish I could show you Hannah and hear your laugh when she does something funny. Wish you could come over and play lego with the boys. Wish I could call you and tell you I love you and that I wish you were here.

So Long

I've posted about this before, so today I wanted to share a link to the blog of a person who I very much admired, and who changed the way I see my own life. For me, reading his blog was sometimes like reading what my dad might have written. When I heard that he had lost his fight with cancer today I wondered and hoped that maybe he might have taken the time to write a last post for his wife to publish. Dad got so much worse so quickly, and we moved from hoping to losing him in just a few days, so there was no time for long goodbyes, or final blog posts. I'm not sure which is better, neither probably, but I was hoping for a goodbye from Kristian today.

I didn't know him in person, but someday I very much look forward to giving him a hug and telling him in person how much his faith and life blessed my own. I like to think that maybe Dad met him "today." I think they would like eachother very much. I wish there was a way to visit heaven, and see both of them, (and a…