Let's Get Real

Things haven't been going well lately. Actually, things haven't been going well for a long time. In many ways I've given up.

Which I'm okay with. For myself.

I am not okay with giving up on my kids though. And let's face it, when a mom gives up on herself she is giving up on her kids. It's selfish and, in many ways, borders on abuse and neglect. My anger, depression, and lack of motivation hurts my kids. And all of the things I try to do to make up for it...


...

DON'T. Period.

So this has to end. My life has been floating past me for a while now and that's not okay either. At this point I really don't give a crap for myself, but in the meantime my kids are being raised by someone I don't want to be. There are lots of reasons and explanations and facets and all that jazz, and I may or may not get into that here, but let's start with one thing:


I yell. At my kids. And at Glen. And, if you upset me, I might yell at you too. I have a really hard time controlling my emotions, I always have, but that doesn't make it okay. I tend to excuse myself, but I need to stop. 

I read this great blog today about a woman who stopped yelling for A YEAR. A whole year! And then some! And I figure, if she can do it... Why can't I? Oh, don't get me wrong... I don't expect that I will be able to just stop like she did. I expect it will take me a while before I can make it through a day, and then a week, and then a month... But I WILL DO IT. And I will keep track of it here. I probably won't blog every day, but I'll let you know when I succeed and when I fail.

So... Let's roll. Day one. I yelled at Ben when he put popcorn seasoning into a bag of dill pickle chips. It was more "loud exasperation" than full out yelling, but if I wouldn't do it with you sitting on the couch, then it counts. Actually, I probably would have. I may need to think of a better definition... Either way, tomorrow I will do better. I mean it.

(Also, I will start wearing a bra at home when I'm wearing thin t-shirts. Because my boys should discover later in life, like every other man (and, let's face it, woman, I was surprised too) that boobs like the ones they see in National Geographic articles about African tribes people happen in Canada too.)

Comments

  1. I read the same blog and am planning on starting on Monday. I have been working on yelling less in the mean time though. I'll even take a cue from you and try to blog about it. You aren't alone Becky!! But hopefully there will be 2 less yellers in the world!

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  2. Hahahaha...wow. I just saw this and several other blogs that I haven't read, yet. I sure do miss us all blogging together like we used to do. And Farmtown. Although, I just got started back in it. But I miss how things used to be. I'm sure not as much as you do. But still. The yelling thing is a good thing to address. I didn't yell often at my kids, but when I did it sometimes was more about me than them. After you have grandkids, things change and you begin to realize just how UNIMPORTANT some things are and this is why I think we are a little more indulgent with the grandkids.
    Have you tried giving yourself daily time-outs from the kids? I used to do that and loved it. It was a five minute period where I went to my room and they were not allowed to disturb me. I called it my "dead or dying" rule. They were only allowed to bother me for real emergencies, which of course, never really happened. It took them awhile to get the hang of it but once they did it was great. And it really helped me to get back on track. Good luck!

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