I'm Done

I yelled today. But I'm not turning back my counter.

First off, let me just say that I believe no one should ever have to choose between their spouse and their children. Love should be multiplied, not divided. (Gold star to the person who knows where I got that line from.) But that choice has been made. By my mom. Over and over.

I haven't really written about it here because I think some things should stay private. I try to think about my kids reading my blog someday in the future. Would I be okay with my kids reading about all the nasty things I have to say about their grandmother? And then, would I be okay with my mom reading those same things? Up until today, the answer to that question was, "No."

I don't feel the same way anymore.

So prepare yourself for the whole story. I've told it to some of you, with many tears, and frequent breaks for chocolate or hugs or laughs. I'd like to write it out though, once and for all. Like a purge.

I'm done with her. I've said that before, to her, and to others. When I said it then, I meant I was done with my relationship with her. I was done trying to get back the person who was my mom for 36 years. I was done trying to find my friend somewhere inside the PoD. (That's my nickname for her. It stands for "Pit of Dave" and encompasses all the nuances that go with the word pod in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.) I was done trying to hold onto a relationship that she no longer wanted, and was now only adding pain and stress to my life.

I was still willing to "keep up appearances," mostly for the sake of my kids. Her grandchildren.

I'm not anymore.

And really, the excuse of doing it for the kids was losing ground quickly. She has seen them for a total of 4 days this past year. And those days weren't whole days. I would be shocked if the entire time amounted to more than 12 hours.

365 days. 12 hours. Including Christmas.

If you are a friend or family I am pretty sure you can think back and remember how things were between us before my dad died. Actually, you can probably also remember how things were after my dad died. We spent hundreds and hundreds of hours together. Vacations. Shopping trips. Just sitting around in eachother's homes.

And then she fell into the PoD and that ended. She made a choice and I fought it for a long time. But I'm done fighting, and I'm done with her.

I've never written that here, because I've always hoped that things would straighten out. I didn't want to burn any bridges. I love my kids so much. I would never ever ever ever want the bridge that joins our lives to be destroyed. I'm pretty sure she's good with that though. Going from almost no contact to no contact at all will be a breeze for all of us.

So I'm going to tell you all about what's been going on. I'm going to do some purging by lighting some matches and burning the crap out of some bridges. I have no place in my life for the selfish, twisted, self-absorbed, and deluded pod that is all that remains of my mom. Not even for the sake of the 12 hours a year we have spent together since she traded all of us for her new and improved life.

Comments

  1. First of all, Sister Wives for the gold star. Secondly, I love you and I am so sorry that in the painful wake of losing your dad you have lost your mom as well. We can understand the pain involved in a parent choosing to cut you from their life. Thirdly, I really really do love you! You're amazing!

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  2. * for Cindi! lol. And I love you too. Lots and lots. And lots. ♥

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  3. Oh buddy. I'm really, REALLY sorry. How could she?!

    We love you lots.

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  4. I'm just reading this now. I keep forgetting about the blog. I don't really blog any more, although I am thinking of starting it up again. I am so sorry, Becky. My head just can't wrap around this and I could NEVER. EVER. have seen this coming. There are no words. I hate that I am so far away. (and not financially independent, haha). Sigh. I love you, though, and miss talking to you. Is video chat still free even if we were to chat Canada to USA?

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