The Legend of The Vomit Chain

Let me preface this post by making a request: If your child's teacher phones you and says they think your child should be picked up from school because they are too sick to be there... Listen to them. If they say something like, "He says he doesn't feel well, he really doesn't look good to me, and the stomach flu has been going through the class," listen to them.

That happened today. And the parent didn't listen. And it was EPIC. Legendary even.

When it came, the vomit was a soft pink, probably due in part to the candy the french teacher had passed out earlier. And it launched out of the child in a torrent splattering in a huge puddle at his feet. In a panic, he jumped out of his desk, ran through the puke, and desperately tried to reach the garbage can. (I can only assume the janitor emptied it and moved it at recess, because I had put it by his desk after his dad figured he'd be fine at school at least till lunchtime.) He didn't make it. Instead, I watched in horrified slow motion as yet another torrent of vomit spewed forth.

As I hurried towards him, into the battlezone, I called out orders. "Back up! Don't walk in it!!!" Just as I was trying to get around the first puddle to reach the poor kid, now covered in barf, I heard gagging behind me and called out, "Everyone, in the hall, now!" Too late.

By the time the janitor arrived, there were four seperate puddles. She said at first she thought it was me who'd gotten sick all over the classroom. I was gagging now too, eyes watering, FIGHTING to hold it together. "Becky, don't you dare. Don't you do it. HOLD. IT. TOGETHER."

And it occurred to me later, not right away of course, I remember a few things in grade four. Funny moments, and nicknames, and a grade six airband. And if something like this had happened in my classroom, I would have remembered it forever. My friends and I would have told, and retold the story of the barf chain-reacion to our friends, our families, and someday our spouses and children and coworkers, and the story would be embellished and exaggerated, and eventually ten kids would have puked, and the sub cried, and...

Today I was part of the beginning of a legend. I saw it in their eyes as they ran from the classroom. I heard it in their voices as they screamed, "Trent puked too! TRENT PUKED TOO!" Oh man, somedays it is really easy to remember why I always wanted to be a teacher. I wouldn't have thought a barfy day like today turned out to be would have been one of them, but it was.


  1. A barf-arama! and there should be an evil punishment for that dad...


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