Spent today running around like a crazy person trying to get everything done that I won't be able to do post-surgery. Stressed. Lots of frustration and yelling. So when it was time to say goodbye to the kids Ben was mad at me. I don't blame him. But since I'm always half-convinced I'll die whenever I take a trip without them, and more than half-convinced I'll die in surgery, saying goodbye SUCKED. I wish I had been a better mom today. I hate that feeling, of letting them down, of not being what they deserve. Blah.

By this time tomorrow I'll be right back where I'm sitting right now. In my bed, with the kids downstairs with Ang, hopefully hopped up on drugs. And it will all be over.

Deep breaths.


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